Why All Narcissists Use The Same Playbook πŸ““ (Covert Narcissism) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab

Why All Narcissists Use The Same Playbook πŸ““ (Covert Narcissism) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab


Hello and welcome! This is M from
Narcissistic Abuse Rehab, a safe place where survivors in recovery can find
awareness, empowerment, and healing. Our topic for today is “Why All Narcissists Use
the Same Playbook.” Now, if you’ve noticed how your abusers
behavior lines up with other survivors experiences, comment your thoughts below. By the end of this video you’re going to know why narcissists across cultures and
around the world seem to follow the same patterns of abuse. I want to thank all of
our subscribers and viewers for supporting this channel. We’re building
this channel for you to help you on your healing journey. Please hit the like
button and make sure you subscribe to help grow our channel. With that said,
let’s dive into our topic: “Why All Narcissists Use the Same Playbook.” Have
you noticed how when survivors share their war stories, it sounds like they’re
all talking about the same person. The patterns of narcissistic abuse can be
seen across all demographics and in all cultures. Each survivors story is like a
copy-paste of another person’s experience. So what’s up with that? Are
all narcissists using some kind of secret playbook? And, if so, where does it
come from? I believe that the answer to this question can be found in the
narcissists anatomy, psychology, and their environment. Coercive control is the
narcissist’s weapon of choice. It’s a subtle, invisible form of violence they
use to dominate others and maintain their sense of power. A book I strongly
recommend to anyone seeking to understand coercive control is, “See What
You Made Me Do – Power, Control and Domestic Abuse” by investigative
journalists Jess Hill. Using forensic research, Hill examines the systems that
produce and enable aggressive personalities like narcissists and
psychopaths. I’ll put links to her book and website for you guys down below.
Looking at evidence from around the world, she found that domestic abuse
across cultures follow the same pattern which she described as “orchestrated
campaigns of control.” The stories of domestic abuse survivors were nearly
identical to the stories of returned prisoners of war. Some of
this research is originally from the Romero study published in “Sex Roles – A
Journal of Research” in 1985 which I touched on in my video “Projection is a
Narcissist’s Autobiography.” I put a link for you guys on the right hand corner of
the screen. So, to understand the coercive control used in domestic violence,
researchers looked to American prisoners of war in North Korea who became
completely compliant with their captors. They gave false confessions, informed on
their fellow prisoners, and publicly slammed Western capitalism. So why were these prisoners of war acting against their own self-interest and serving the
interests of the enemy? Social scientist Albert Biederman investigated these
behaviors and found that they were based on three pillars: dependency, debility and
dread. So let’s look at Biederman”s Charter of Coercion where he breaks down the 8 tactics used by abusers. Number One: Isolation – participation and
recreational activities is denied to the target. Contact with family and friends
is restricted. The target is discredited to family and friends. Access to
transportation, phone, and/or finances is restricted. Number Two: Exhaustion or
Induced Debility. The abuser disparages the body image of the target, limits
finances for necessities and health care. Disruption of meals and rest. There is
verbal abuse and interrogation of the target. Possible rape and assault of the
target. This weakens the target mentally and physically. Number Four: Threat. The
abuser threatens to kill the target or their family or their pets. They
threaten to take the target’s children away. There are threats of suicide or
abandonment. Destruction of the target’s property. This causes anxiety and despair
in the target. Number Four: Humiliation or Degradation. Public humiliation of the
target. Forced participation in degrading sexual acts. Verbal abuse, name-calling,
demeaning punishments, insults and taunts. Denial of privacy.
Number Five: Distortion. Monopolization of the target’s
perceptions. Blaming the target for the abuse. Using social and familial
reinforcement. Unpredictable behavior dominating the targets thoughts. Number
Six: Omnipotence – Physical assaults manipulation of the legal system. Use of
position and privilege. Stalking. Confrontation. Making the target feel
powerless. Number Seven: Intermittent Reinforcement – Occasional favors. Promises to change the behavior. The charm then harm strategy. Unexpected bursts of
kindness or affection. This motivates the target to submit. Number Eight: Enforcing
Trivial Demands – mind games to make the target compliant. The abuser punishes
non-compliance with a rigid set of ever-changing rules. These rules may
control the target’s appearance, their style of dress, housekeeping,
parenting, punctuality, etc. These tactics have been used in oppressive systems of
torture for centuries. For example, they were used in slave based societies to
condition men and women in captivity to comply with the powers that be. Physical
violence isn’t necessary to break down a target. Coercive control is far more
effective. Trauma specialistsJudith Harmon of Harvard University writes that
“the coercive control that enables one human being to enslave another is
remarkably consistent.” So why do narcissist’s favor Coercive Control, the
method of psychological torture used to enslave other human beings?
Narcissists are sadistic and feed of the subjugation of others.
It gives them Supply. So how did they learn the dark art of mental torture? As
I mentioned before, there are 3 main reasons why narcissists use the same
playbook they are: anatomical, psychological and environmental. And they are…Number
One: Insular Cortex Deficit. A study published in 2013 called “Gray Matter
Abnormalities in Patients with Narcissistic Personality Disorder”
reported that MRIs showed the consistent structural deficit in the insular cortex
of the brain. The study showed that narcissists have less thickness in the
region where gray matter volume is correlated to empath. In narcissists, the
deficit of gray matter in the insular cortex was “significant.” I’ll put a link
to the study for you down below. Now, many of you know that most narcissists abuse
drugs and alcohol. Check out my video the “Narcissist and Addiction”, I put a link
for you in the corner. I think it’s important to consider the effects of
substance abuse on the narcissist’s brain which may compound the deficit of gray
matter in the insular cortex. Here is an image of the alcoholic brain that
shows the shocking deterioration of gray matter. So narcissists around the
world may share the same deficit in their insular cortex which impairs their
ability to empathize outside of cognitive or “cold” empathy. This is why it
doesn’t bother them to use torture tactics and they feel no remorse. The second reason why narcissists seem to use the same playbook is it’s a primitive
defense mechanism. Narcissists operate at a very primitive developmental level. In
his book “The Analysis of Self”, Heinz Kohut held that “childhood notions of
grandiosity normally evolved into self-esteem.
However, if psychological trauma disrupts the process the most primitive self” – the
narcissist version of self – “remains unchanged.” So narcissists exist largely
in a primitive mental state. This is why they think in terms of black and white,
good and bad ,love and hate, etc. It’s why they oscillate between love-bombing
and devaluation. Their stunted archaic defense mechanisms show that at the
emotional level narcissists are two-year-olds. The third
reason narcissists seem to be using the same playbook and – for me this is the
chief reason – is Role Models. Narcissists are born and bred in environments where
these behaviors are role modeled for them. Usually by a narcissistic parent or
authority figure who is using coercive control tactics on the other parent.
Fledgling Narcissists learn coercive control strategies by watching their
Role Models. Exposure to visible and invisible violence is traumatic for any
child. The Fledgling Narcissist reacts to the trauma through introjection, by
internalizing the abuse they’re exposed to during childhood and taking on the
domineering behaviors of the abusive authority figure. This is the blueprint
they use as adults. So the reason all narcissists seem to be using the same
playbook is that they share a defect of the insular cortex which reduces their
ability to feel empathy. They haven’t evolved past primitive defense
mechanisms, and they have often had coercive control tactics consistently
role modeled for them and reinforced in their childhood. That’s all I have for
you today. Let me know if you agree or disagree in the comments below. Guys
please don’t forget to like this video and subscribe to this channel. Please
help us grow by sharing this video on your social media channels and sending
it to 2 friends who can use this message today. That’s it for now. Be good
to yourself and we’ll talk again soon.

17 thoughts on “Why All Narcissists Use The Same Playbook πŸ““ (Covert Narcissism) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab”

  1. I was in a house where two people were doing financial abuse against a group of elderly and handicapped. My thoughts during the experience (which included bullying, all kinds of coercive control, and manipulation) were that this is exactly what slaves in the South went through…the same exact dynamic. Some of them were in good with the "Master" and would turn on his fellows in a heartbeat. By the way, I did call the police, but they turned the police against me.

  2. Society as a whole has to get some balls and stop letting these little tyrants call the shots. There's so many people who cower in fear of them. I myself have at times…only because I know the police wouldn't have my back. Legally you sometimes get in between a rock and a hard place and your hands are tied.

  3. Miss Kim narc free you and me

    Excellent spelled out understanding. One of the 1st things I thought after doing my research writing my notes reading books and articles and YouTube videos I said to myself son of a
    @#$% do they all follow the same game plan is there a video to learn how to be a coldhearted snake! When you hear stories and you talk to other people who have been to the battlefield of dealing with narcissistic abuse some of the stories are so exact. And always the same play book of how they manipulated you got you to stay in the relationship follow the parrot become the golden child all of its the same just in different relationship formats! I was watching a YouTube video today she's from Australia I forget her name 😢 but She did a video discussing intimacy and kissing the narcissist and it was a mirror image exactly of how it was with myself and my relationship with the covert narcissist! It is all such a patterned said duction that it really gets us to let down our guard! And by the way I am so glad you are 5 years narc free not until I did my research did I realize how many narcissists are in my life and were in my life and my past

  4. Marijke van der Meer

    Hi Narcissistic Abuse Rehab! Nice to hear you here on your own channel…i am almost an expert now…after more than a year study…πŸ˜‚ It was a horrible experience with my ex N….I experienced everything in the narc textbook…

  5. Marijke van der Meer

    I believe that there is also a spiritual element involved in narcissism…their behaviour is so totally inhuman.. I believe they form portals for demons…

  6. Marijke van der Meer

    I have a question: why dont they abstain from wrong or evil behaviour when they KNOW it is wrong, maybe they do not FEEL it but they KNOW it..so they also KNOW it hurts others…

  7. Very good empirical and scientific explanation, but spiritual aspect is missing. My psychopath had from early childhood some extremely perverted imagination, unsurmountable lying skills and high level of aggression which were ''supernatural''. There wasn't anything like that in the caregiver, who was a covert narc. The psychopath also had an ''encounter'' with a ''ghost'' in her childhood. And manifested signs of demoniac possession throughout her life. That is real.

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