What is it like in rehab?

What is it like in rehab?


Six months in rehab! what is it like? I’m
going to let you know! Welcome back to down under and the South was Border! Before I
go any further why don’t you hit subscribe so you can catch up on all the
great stuff that this channel has to offer. So I’ve recently come up to my
halfway point at 180TC, a rehab in the Blue Mountains of Australia. I’m very sorry
for my infliction in my accent, that makes it sound like I’m asking a
question even when I’m not. It’s just an Australian thing. I’m up to the
halfway point. I don’t have to stay here, but I probably will
or I might not, I don’t know. Things are going pretty well on the whole. My first two
months were really hard. You have to do a bit of a digital detox. No phones,
no computers, no internet, not much contact with your friends and family on
the outside, you don’t get any leave for the first two months, and only one 15-minute
phone call a week, so, yeah it is hard. It is especially hard for someone who
thrives on creativity especially in the digital realm and on the
Internet. However, as luck would have it at 180
TC there is a media department! How wierd is that? I was actually able to pretty quickly
get my hands on some video cameras, video editing software and
actually start teaching a media skills class! That’s pretty awesome! Who would
have thought that I get to practice my teaching skills and my media stuff? Stuff
I can impart on to other people to tell their own stories and make their own YouTube
channels, to be a great influence on this wonderful world that we live in. It has
also been really hard not being able to access Facebook, Messenger and whatsapp
have a lot of friends overseas, I can’t make a phone
call to, but I have written some letters, that’s kind of of weird,
but cool. Hello Sebastian, kisses!
I guess this little bit of a digital detox has made me think more about my
social media escapades. I’m gonna make really good content that helps people. I
want to actually engage with you, I want to engage with you on social on YouTube
on all those things. I’m more into quality engagement and
quality video. With social media, like anyone else, I was addicted to
comparing myself with everyone else’s highlight reel, comparing it to my
behind-the-scenes footage, which doesn’t look that great at the moment. It was nice to
get a bit of space, to put social media and it’s the useful place.
I do miss my tribe. I miss my friends. I miss my social misfits. I miss my lovely friends. I am surrounded by brothers, I’ve got a lot of
really strong friendships here, but yeah I miss the weirdos, I miss the
freaks. I just miss my tribe. I miss
Netflix! Oh my god I miss Netflix so fucking much! But at least I can just
think of them saving up. There a year worth of quality
television! My god, can you imagine? I can! And I’m looking forward to it! Don’t tell me
what happens with anything! I’m not even going to tell you what I like, so you
can’t spoil it for me! So what do I actually do in rehab? Lots
of things! And lots of nothing too. Living with 40 other dudes in the forrest, people
who are at varying levels of being cooked, this has its challenges, but I’ve also
made friends for life. Hi friends! It’s a crazy, diverse bunch of
guys from all kinds of different backgrounds. I’m the only gay in the
village at the moment. I think? There’s a lot of counselling, there’s a lot of classes, there’s a lot of stage work, which helps you with dealing with your
underlying issues before substance came into the picture. We train, we do a lot of
sports, we go into the pool, we go to the river, we explore the wilderness, we do chores. We do manly
things! Another interesting part of the program is the spiritual aspect. So I may
have mentioned Hillsong in another video at some point. Well, that’s the church they take us to here. It is a little freaky at first, I can tell you
now. But hey they actually do a lot of good, they’re not exactly taking
money away from people that don’t have it. They’re all pretty affluent there. ONE80TC wouldn’t run without it. They do a lot of good things for a lot of people
struggling, so I can’t really find a fault. Do they have
some kind of involvement with Gloria Jeans Coffee? They can probably up their coffee
game. Also, have you seen the production values of that place? Good
production values are next to godliness apparently! It’s cool man, I’ve had
some pretty intense spiritual experiences in here and at church
which I can’t explain. I’ve had a series of strange
coincidences that have led to a strange conclusion that I could not have guessed.
I can look back at my life, at certain events, like meeting Bernardo. That was a God thing I think, or the universe, or whatever you want to
call it, but it seemed like it was like this thing has to be, this thing has to happen!
I’ve had a few things like that. Hey man it could be a collective
hypnosis for all I know, I could have drank the kool-aid, but,
I don’t know it tastes good! I’m definitely not a cookie cutter Christian.
I’m still very sex positive, I have some reservations about marriage. I think it’s
a way of trading goats to other people’s fathers more than anything
else, but I recognize what Jesus has done in my life, now and in the past. I guess I’m Christian with Buddhist inclinations, I think that’s the best
way to put where I stand at the moment. But more on the whole spirituality stuff
in another episode, that’s way too much for this one. What am I actually
hoping to get out of the next six months? Well, I guess building my spiritual side, getting to know God a little better. I wouldn’t say sanity is going to be
happening anytime soon, but hey! Sanity is for ordinary people, but I am
feeling a hell of a lot better in my own skin. I’ve had plenty of success in here, I’ve had some real real triumphs, but I’ve also had setbacks as well. I
guess the big question is will I ever drink again? I don’t know, but I
can never get drunk or annihilated, just to stop feeling anything. I have to be
present every day for the rest of my life, I have to enjoy every moment with
everyone. I have to feel connected with people! I can’t use isolation, I
can’t use work, I can’t use self-harm, I can’t switch off, I can’t disassociate,
I can’t drink to oblivion, that I can’t do! I’m using this time to address the
wounds of the past but also to focus on the future, a future better than anything
I could have dreamed of! I’m studying how to teach English as a foreign language,
not just so I can travel or not so I can just move in with the boyfriend in
Mexico or something like that. I’m doing this to help people, I’m going to actually
make a difference in the world! I could do this in a refugee camp, I
can do this anywhere! I am actually going to be a force for good out there,
and I want to give back, I want to give back to a world that’s given me so much!
I’m going to do that by using my skills I’m learning as a teacher and the media skills I
can hope to impart, to help some of those people to
help them tell their stories. I’m going to be able to teach English as a foreign
language, that’s going to be something that’s
going to help people out of their economic situations and give them a
whole new world! I can’t wait to learn Spanish! The Spanishverse!
There’s so many books and so much poetry and so many people to meet that don’t
speak English! It’s a whole other world! The Espenolaverse!
and I hope that these videos, by being my authentic self and showing what I’m
going through as a struggling human being, as we all are, that I can help
create some solidarity out there. And I can help bring different communities
together, people that might not always see eye to eye. Maybe Christians and
people in the LGBTQ community who don’t always see eye to eye, obviously. To help
reconcile people with each other and just show us all as
struggling humans that are slowly getting better. So, why am I being so
public about all this? Well, it’s not actually to be the centre of attention
as you may think. I’ve been defined, consistently over the
years, by how I fit into other people’s lives. I’m a good little boy, or the
pretty boy, or the handbag, or the victim, or the crazy guy, or even as
Bernardo’s boyfriend. Although we had our shared dreams for the future, at
least initially I was just going to be defined as Bernardo’s boyfriend. I was to move to his
country, probably inherit some of his friends and family and all that kind of
stuff, and it would have been weird I think. It’s time to make my own mark in the
world, so the next half of the journey is going to be consolidating what I’ve
learnt already and really planning for the future, where I’m going and what I’m
going to do. I have such a confidence in the future now, you have no idea!
Before yeah I was going to do it, but it was kind of a pipe dream still. But now, I’m like “No this IS going to happen man!” And I’m very excited about it!
My whole life people have been trying to take away my agency, my power in
situations, and they’ve been largely successful. Even taking away my freedom, and some
of them are attempting to do it now, but now is my time, and I fucking love myself
way too much to let that ever happen again. so I’m going to make a difference
with my teaching skills and with my media skills, and with just being my authentic self
with people. In the next few months I’m going to finish my English teaching
certificate and I’m going to start looking for jobs in Colombia and in Mexico,
wherever! It’s going to be brilliant and I’m going to take you with me! So if you
want to support me at this time, please send me a message, leave a comment below, and
subscribe to the channel! Please subscribe! I would subscribe to you, you
know that! Just keep me in your prayers, give me your best wishes, whatever.
That would mean a lot to me. I’m going to start posting regularly again, finally
finishing telling my story of how I got here, and every couple of weeks I’ll
give you an update of how I’m going in here. it’s great to be back guys, love you
all! Adios Amigos!

1 thought on “What is it like in rehab?”

  1. Jacob you're looking really well! You've come good on your threat to become a hairy Hercules

    Looking and sounding so much more confident than previous vids and during our brief acquaintance. Hope things continue to go well for you. (I haven't yet checked out subsequent videos.)

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