Top 10 Traits of a Covert Narcissist Female 🚺 (CovertNarcissism) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab

Top 10 Traits of a Covert Narcissist Female 🚺 (CovertNarcissism) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab

Hello and welcome this is M from
Narcissistic Abuse Rehab a safe place where survivors can access awareness
empowerment and healing our topic for today is 10 Traits of a Covert
Narcissist Female by the end of this video you’re going to be able to detect
some of the red flags of a covert narcissist female and their subtle
forms of abuse this video goes out to Jack Gooding a member of our community who requested this topic before we get into it, I want to thank all of our
subscribers and viewers for supporting our channel. We’re building this channel
for you to help you on your healing journey so please hit the ‘Like’ button
and make sure you ‘Subscribe’ to help grow our channel. If you find our content
helpful please donate via PayPal dot me backslash narcabuserehab. So with
that said let’s get into our topic 10 Traits of a Covert Narcissist Female.
As I was researching this topic I took a look at the 5th edition of the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders and I asked myself if
the information on those pages was enough to help the average person spot
the covert narcissist female. While she possesses at least five of the traits in
the DSM-V she’s a master at hiding her true nature. I think it helps to identify
an Overt Narcissist, but I don’t think that the material in the DSM-V is
sufficient for the Covert Narcissist. Not by a longshot. I think the main
differences between an Overt and Covert Narcissist is that only a handful of
people know the truth about the Covert Narcissist’s False Persona. These are
usually the people the Covert Narcissist secretly harms. An Overt Narcissus
doesn’t care if people know they are egomaniacs and you can spot them a mile
away. While the Covert Narcissist is the
embodiment of a street angel/house devil They’re sneaky and underhanded about
their abuse and they use more sophisticated methods to acquire power
and control in their relationships. This is what makes a Covert Narcissist hard
to spot and dangerous in terms of the damage they do to other
people’s lives I think in terms of their nature I can’t really see very many
differences between male and female covert narcissists but their behavior
can play out differently because of gender roles and stereotypes while I was
researching this topic I was surprised at how little information is available
for male survivors of intimate partner abuse so I’m really glad Jack requested
this topic I also realized there’s very little material for women experiencing
intimate partner abuse in same-sex relationships I think this is an
oversight by therapists and coaches because narcissistic personality
disorder is not gendered I wanted to find a good real world example of a
covert narcissist female one that really showed the different aspects of their
toxic behavior the person I’ve chosen is Jenn Hart who was characterized as a
narcissist by someone in her own social circle I picked her because I think she
and her wife Sarah are a strong example of extreme covert narcissism on social
media they portrayed a happy and a Dilek life in fact one of the images of their
son Devante went viral behind closed doors their children were
being abused they were being beaten and they were being starved the images on
social media were orchestrated and completely fake yet they fooled everyone
people believed they were all about peace and love and kindness in reality
they were viewing the false personas of to covert narcissists who had found each
other the images never showed the extreme levels of dysfunction and abuse
that were taking place in the home and so no one believed the children when
they cried out about their suffering everyone thought they had such nice
parents that they should feel lucky but those children were in hell and in their
pathological selfishness their narcissistic parents would be the end of
them if you haven’t yet checked it out listen
to the podcast broken hearts which is a deep dive into narcissism and social
media and how this toxic behavior played out for this family I put a link for you
down in the show notes I grew up with a covert narcissist email which I talked
about in my video Hoover from hell covert narcissist sibling so I’m going
to use some of my life experience in this discussion and this may or may not
agree with a research literature but I think it may be helpful please comment
your experiences down below you can honestly say I can’t remember a time
when my called her at narcissist female sibling did not display narcissistic
traits she was competing with me for as long as I can remember and that is a
trait I’ve seen in every pervert narcissist female I’ve known she has
many positive aspects I think it’s fair to say that she can portray a witty
articulate charming and even humble demeanor with covert narcissist females
you’ll see a lot of nice but it has nothing to do with kindness because she
uses her niceness to serve her agenda she’s nice to win points to ingratiate
herself into your life she can be hauntingly sweet well she may or may not
be as overtly glamorous as the grandiose narcissist the covert narcissist female
has her own signature style he’s always going to be something she does to stand
out she’ll carefully construct an image of a
kind principled upstanding citizen she tends to have a respectable job she
could be a teacher a nurse a doctor a lawyer a pastor a guru
Shaymin but she will want to be admired and have some measure of influence
because quietly she’s on a never-ending ego trip as a parent her children are
assets and she’s likely to objectify them on Facebook and Instagram she’s the
picture-perfect mom and her children are used as props to promote her false
persona it’s not uncommon for the culprit narcissists female to have a
child in order to lock her target into long term
financial obligations she’s prone to using her children as pawns to control
her partner she’ll exploit others to look after her children while she seeks
power socially and in the workplace when her partner is not compliant with covert
narcissist female may punish them sometimes with harsh devaluation or with
a silent treatment a really sad phenomenon is that she
manipulates her children in order to control and punish her partner it’s not
a comment for her to coerce the children with pity plays or implied threats when
she devalues it discards her partner she will smear and assassinate her partner’s
character to the children in order to Erie innate them this is a tactic that
can be used by all narcissistic parents across the board
unlike the over at north assist the covert may apologize but it’s never
sincere you’re completely unable to put themselves in another Kristin’s shoes so
when you get into a relationship with a covert narcissist female you’re gonna
feel like you’ve met your soul mate it will astonish you how much you have in
common with her it usually happens very quickly and you will swear that this is
the woman of your dreams the moment she has you hooked you’ll
start to notice some subtle changes for example you might feel exhausted and
drained by her constant need for attention you might start to notice how
she suddenly becomes hot and cold maybe she’ll have an outburst over some
perceived slight or she’ll say something to devalue you that will cut right to
the quick then she’ll make up for it with such angelic sweetness it will make
your head spin slowly your confidence is on the decline you start to notice her
habit of turning every topic back to herself you start to notice how all of
her sentences start with I and end with me as you introduce her into your social
circle into your family she quietly assesses who fits into her agenda she’ll
triangulate you with members of your family and friends there very fast
aggressive way and before you know it you’re no longer on speaking terms with
anyone in your support system your only support system is your covert
narcissist female who now has absolute power over time when she knows she has
you she seems bored and indifferent she
starts taking long naps on your time leaving you twiddling your thumbs and
you noticed the painful little digs are becoming more and more frequent when you
confront her about them she’s dismissive or worse she tells you to grow up or men
up and then when other people are around she becomes the woman you fell in love
with again only it’s not for you it’s for everyone
but you the aim of this behavior is to condition you into feeling inferior to
everyone else because now that she has you you suddenly last on her list you
find yourself getting frantic because you want things to go back to the
love-bombing stage and sometimes they do but then the cycle begins all over again
when you try to tell others about her behavior they look at you incredulous ly
and tell you what a wonderful woman you have and how lucky you are they look at
you like you’re blessed fie mean and if you go to couples counseling nothing
will get solved because she has this way of wrapping the therapist around her
finger before you know it you’re the problem and the therapist is her ally
you feel completely isolated you feel like you’re not good enough you feel
like you have to prove yourself again and again only nothing you do is enough
and guess what it’s never going to be enough ever it’s just a little mind game
she plays to wear you down and control you and once she has him in her grip the
mask drops and that’s when you find yourself caught in the grip of a wolf in
sheep’s clothing so what are the traits of the covert narcissist female number 1
too good to be true for me this is the top red flag
you’re gonna see a lot of excessive altruism in the Cobra it narcissists
female it’s always over the top she’s holier than thou she’s not just
good she’s better she copies your emotions and behaviors she likes what
you like she wants what you want and this is the Trojan horse the
mischief-maker behind her false persona uses to infiltrate your heart your life
your social circle and your finances she uses the false persona to data mine all
the information you’re willing to share and zero in on your blind spots number
two self-pity this is a second red flag the covert narcissistic female has
endless self-pity she always has a sob story no one
appreciates her no one understands how great she really is no one respects her
she needs you to save her from the crisis and chaos she’s constantly
creating for every problem you help her with there are two or three more around
the corner number three you have a one-sided relationship because she lives
in her mind which she is the star and you vacillate between a supporting role
and an extra depending on what you can do for her over time you’ll realize that
almost none of your needs are being met in the relationship number four no
boundaries she has none and she has no respect for yours
this often manifests in inappropriate behavior because social norms rules and
regulations trigger her in her mind she’s above such things he’s it for
lesser mortals she feels no shame or remorse when her behavior causes harm to
others when confronted she’ll say so what or I didn’t do anything
number five she’s hyper critical she can dish it out but she can’t take it you
may notice that she is ruthlessly critical of you and others but will
throw a tantrum if anyone criticizes her she responds to all criticism by
deflecting and projecting her faults onto a scapegoat this may escalate to
her smearing anyone who criticizes her they escalate because she’s always
talking about she behind your back even if you’re doing what she wants
number six compulsive lying she doesn’t lie because she’s afraid she doesn’t lie
because she’s ashamed she lies strategically to mislead others and
maintain the upper hand she lies to manage people’s perception of her image
and she lies to sabotage people she envies number seven ungrateful if she’s
not loved bombing you she’s shockingly ungrateful
she doesn’t value gifts from you or kindness as you do for her she’s
dismissive of your favors when she’s reminded she might say something like I
do think to YouTube number eight attention-seeking she must be the center
of attention at all costs she goes to extremes to prevent anyone else gaining
attention it’s part of why she can’t stand when other people get sick she
doesn’t want anyone else to take up any space in her environment
she is needy and demanding and if she can’t get positive attention she will
turn your life upside down with negative attention seeking a lot of times she’ll
act depressed for attention so that you’ll spend all your time comforting
her number nine treacherous she loves nothing more than
to betray people who put their trust in her she’s happy to throw you under the
bus because once she has you she doesn’t care about you you’ll be shocked by the
level of betrayal she’ll bring to your life once your energy is depleted and
your wallet is empty and your covert narcissist female has sucked the life
out of you you’re in for the shock of your life the discard this is when
she’ll roll out her new supply in the most callous and brutal way she can and
she’ll discard the masks of the false persona she used with you along with
your entire relationship she does this with jaw-dropping aggression now the
subtle little digs will become overt expressions of contempt
she’ll blithely rewrite the narrative of your relationship and present a new
delusional fiction that has no semblance to the reality of what you lived in her
tall tale you’re the villain and she’s the heroine who had no choice but to
ride off to greener pastures because you made her do it the more malignant she is
the more vicious the lies will be and the more she’ll make her best efforts to
leave you isolated alone in a dark room with your demons well that’s all I have
for you today let me know if you agree or disagree in the comments below
guys please don’t forget to like this video and subscribe to our Channel
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again soon

37 thoughts on “Top 10 Traits of a Covert Narcissist Female 🚺 (CovertNarcissism) – Narcissistic Abuse Rehab”

  1. pretty close…but worse in my case…for me watching her slowly drink 10 beers , she turned into someone… wierd ….of course i never knew what she would do…so after a while i would not go out and drink with her…she would go out with work friends and get smashed …and i just did not care

  2. This is very very close, yes, and thank you so much for dedicating this on to me, it was a lovely surprise

    I remember her readiness, it was over the top. I could never figure out if it was real or not. And the insecurity .. oh boy. But it was a scam. The last words she said to me, 5 weeks after the 16th and final discard, were "You can't love". Interestingly, I said "can't love who, you?". And she said "yes" .. a very clear glimpse of how she felt about herself, in that one moment. The damage she did was immense. But she couldn't turn my friends and family against me or vice versa, because I'm close to them, just a small handful .. I don't do superficial friendships .. she did turn all of the acquaintances against me though .. and I really don't care about that. 5 years. Destroyed everything in my life and my self esteem and confidence. I now have a medical record with a period of mental illness and instability .. and im a teacher .. that doesnt go down well. Was even homeless for a year but God turned that into good. I'm strong with a strong faith in God and I've let him help and heal and lead me. I actually found a message on a small piece of paper next to my feet in school saying "God will take care of you" .. I believe it. 2 years later, she's STILL stalking me and catfishing .. it's truly insane .. these people I believe have more than just a personality disorder, I believe it is a mental disorder as well, that has spiritually hardened and blackened their hearts .. possibly a difference between overt and covert I.e. that perhaps overt is just personality disorder? I don't know. Trying to shape me into the world she has in her head, so sad and destructive. She's stuck, feels worthless yet puts on an amazing face. Nothing prepares us for this.

    I would say you hit the mark definitely. Even with the children .. my own with my ex wife, and my ex partner's children, and my siblings from my mum. It's so dangerous. They seem so dangerous. And what's mad is that people believe the things they say about us.

    Thank you and God bless you


    p.s. I'm healing well, although I'm not the same as I was. I've changed my whole life. I bought a small campervan and am travelling UK. My folks passed away now. I moderate exam papers for exam board, and write online training courses for Udemy. I play my guitar and paint. I socialise for short lengths of time with different people I meet along the way. I engage with abuse survivor community groups. And soon, I'll study a counselling course and help others, will devote my life to this. I have a Masters degree and was deputy head teacher in a school. You'd never think so. My life is how I need it to be now, stripped down, simple.

  3. I think so many of these categories overlap….I believe Spiritual Narcissist is often a subgroup of Covert Narcissism, but really at the end of the day, all that matters is that all Narcissism is under that broader umbrella called human evil or darkness….meaning that they are all going to bring harm to whoever they are around. I didn't know about the specific case of these children. Nothing will wake you up quicker than hearing a story like that! Very tragic. Police and society in general need to wise up…."get more wisdom" about the way these people operate and start listening to their victims.

  4. My comments, articles & memes over on my Facebook timeline…

    Shared to Bill Howard on Facebook…
    & Bill Howard on Twitter…

  5. Sondra Haley, LPC-MHSP

    This is SPOT ON — it was like hearing a narrative of my life with a female family member that is a covert narcissist. So many points you mentioned felt like you were digging in my wounds. It is astonishing how classic she is in comparison to the characteristics you discussed.

  6. You must know my sister. Does threatening to stab me with a fork and kicking her dog down the stairs fall under psychopath or covert narcicissim. My life has been a living hell with a narc mother, father, and sister who carried on what I thought was programming from abusive mother and father. She is more viscous now that I'm 66 than all along throughout the years. My male partner of 45 years is also one of them and now that I know what to look for in analyzing the people I've known most were variations of that. I'm one whose family believes her and avoids me now. She is an LICSW. I've been recording her tirades for evidence someday.

  7. Thank you M for highlighting the traits, and validating the existence of a Female Covert Narcissist. This specific topic seems to be less covered/discussed by so many professionals, as I personally am having the hardest time trying to get more information on the Covert Female Narcissist. I really do appreciate you for drawing attention to the fact that women narcissists do exist, and are doing plenty damage too.

  8. Miss Kim narc free you and me

    You described my narcissistic sister completely. We always look for some type of abuse in men but what people don't realize is a female covert narcissist is just as deadly if not worse than a man. Because women are known to be nurturers and that we take care of children and everyone around us and that is what a good woman will do they are kind and loving and giving and concerned about are people around them. But a covert female narcissist is literally evil and will stop at nothing as we see with bullying among girls. My sister made this statement to her stepson. Her stepson at the time was 12 years old this was probably 20 years ago I was at her house visiting. She start her period. She boss his stepson around like he was a dog. She yelled for him to go to the store and his bike and by her tampons this is a twelve-year-old boy and the great thing about that young man he did it without any argument for her. When he returned he had purchased super size. Instead of saying thank you and giving him a couple of dollars for even going for her which is what I would have done but I would never ask a twelve-year-old boy to buy my feminine products. She says to him and I kid you not this is exactly what she said to this twelve-year-old boy. Your mother may need super sized tampons because her vaginae is so big but I don't need super size! I sat in her kitchen with my mouth hanging open I was 26 years old and I had no idea what to say I'd looked at him and he looked at me and we both look scared to death. That is what I really knew I needed to evaluate this relationship with my half sister. I said to her that was very mean spirited to say to that boy just because you hate his mother has nothing to do with him and of course she went off blaming him for being a problem child and blaming the mother for cheating on their father which who knows if that's even true I never met the lady. That is the depth of a covert narcissistic female and then the next day she would bake cookies and send him a special treats to school and of course her husband was never home at the time when these things went on. She also got pregnant with her son when she was 21 and told elaborate stories about who his real father is I'm going to be Frank and I'm going to be honest my nephew is now 36 years old he cannot get the truth out of her about his father and I think the truth is it was a one night stand when she was bartending and she Will not admit it. Instead she makes up a labret crazy stories about him being some crazed drug dealer that if her son ever found out it could be deadly to him

  9. I you in one of my dads live videos. RC Blake’s. Subscribe for support! Thank you for adding to the community of narcissistic behavior. I had a covert narcissist mother. So I can tell when someone is being fake. Blessings ❤️❤️❤️

  10. Hi, can you put the videos of the narc and drug's back up please. I was going to use it to help someone close to me. Thanks

  11. I’m always suspicious of the Instagram pages dedicated to families who adopt kids etc. I want to adopt and I’d never exploit my kids in that way. It seems dangerous and lacking personal boundaries because the kids have no say on what is shared about THEIR life.

  12. I'm stuck in the 'trauma bond' eights months later. We'd known each for about a year before the relationship started, when she started working with me. She is 12 years older than me a it felt like the start of a dream. It was only a three month relationship but it was intense. Never before has a short relationship had such an devastating effect, resulting in me taking antidepressants and receiving counselling. I find myself thinking was it me, was I too emotional and sensitive and overthinking things and taking things the wrong way all the time like she said? Have I got it all wrong about her and what I experienced? I find myself at times really missing the amazing woman I fell for who appeared to be the too-good-to-be-true soulmate. It's hard to get my head around the two different sides to her personality. We continued to work together for six months after the relationship ended, until she changed jobs. Having to work alongside her prolonged the suffering, being nice to me in front of people but unpleasant when nobody was about. Having to listen to other people talk about lovely she is, made me feel isolated in a job I loved and she tried get me into trouble with my managers. I just want these mixed up feelings to stop.

  13. Actually, what a great idea for a video M. Please do one on the narc platform is brainwashing! a new way to look at narcissism.

  14. Like this discard email : "Hello Craig,

    I hope all is going well with you.

    I noticed some Instagram alerts today and feel like I need to update you on my life these days. I am telling you this not to hurt you, but to be honest, and to encourage you to move forward.

    I reconnected in late June with a guy I knew and admired in high school and have been head over heels in love ever since. Haven’t felt even remotely this way since I fell in love with John in my twenties. Only this is much different – much bigger and more profound – we have so much in common and are so in sync. I trust him implicitly. He’s perfect for me. . .

    I want you to find happiness and peace Craig, I really do, but I need you to know it’s never going to be with me.

    I wish you all the best.

  15. What a great channel you have! You're gonna grow fast. My ex wife is a 100% covert narcissist. This video describes them very well. The destruction they create is just unbelievable. What an eye opener to go through it, I never knew people like this existed before.

  16. Hey M😊,you did an fantastic job.I especially love your soft spoken "down to earth" delivery lol.If that makes sense.Your so sincere.Very good "new" channel & thank you.

    If I may add my 2 cents;
    Two particular traits extremely malicious narcs/emotional manipulators abuse people with, I dont think enough emphasis is given towards is;
    1)guilt tripping

    Guilt tripping is ALWAYS invalidating.Its nasty-dishonest & (undermining).Of course all manipulative ploys are undermining.Guilt tripping to avoid taking responsibility for disrespectful behavior is incredibly invalidating to the person trying to confront the toxic person.NOTHING is ever resolved.The abused is set up for indefinite abuse until they leave or are discarded cuz ain't nothing gonna change.

    Invalidating a person,i.e. minimizing,playing down,mocking,exaggerating,gaslighting or straight up dismissing/blowing off a person's thoughts,concerns,feelings is grossly devaluing.

    ***Besides never ending contradictions/inconsistencies in the narcs words & actions=compulsive lying/totally insincere/FAKE,the former 2 should be 2 of the main traits to be recognized that a person is a conscience seared emotional manipulator.Opinions may vary,I respect that.I think it's all according to how aware the target is,dictates the narcs counter-offensive.

    Both are signs of empathy deficits.
    Both show how deliberately dishonest & manipulative the narcs is.

    People with a healthy working conscience that arnt EGO-manical power tripping control freaks NEVER habitually invalidate/gaslight/guilt trip people half to death for confronting them on their behavior.And they all wear those devices out cuz their ALL trying to hide their abuse & scapegoat the victim.

    Chronic scapegoating.Umbrella word for almost everything a narc does in conversation when confronted on their behavior.

    I hope that helps!.

  17. Best spot on description of my ex. She was/is more extreme though. I wish I'd known before …. Helpful though, thanks.

  18. I dated a female covert narcissist. She was good at hiding her true nature. She appeared to be a saint in public,but a devil in private. She helped a lot of people to look good in the eyes of the community,but secretly she was smoking weed,drinking,and doing cocaine. On top of that she was sleeping with both men and women while dating me. She always went to clubs and bars without me. She insulted me many times in private and public. She was the ultimate victim. We rarely went outside for dates. She kept asking me for money without reciprocating anything. She was extremely negative and gossiping about everyone. One night when I stayed with her at her place. I said something that offended her and she punched me in the face and threatened to shoot me with a gun. I called her bluff and I asked her why didn't she follow up on her words. Then she hit me again and pushed me down the concrete steps. My right elbow is bleeding and she tossed cold water at me. She told me she'd call the cops and tell me I tried to rape her. I told her we're breaking up and she threatened to smash my car windows and slash my tires. She even went as far to say she'd burn my house down. She also mentioned she'd pretend she's the victim to send a guy to beat me up. It's funny how the abuser is still trying to play victim,but they are making insane threats of violence. I'm glad I didn't have a child with her because she was trying to rush me to get her pregnant to trap me into this abuse. It's true nobody seemed to believe me when I mentioned the abuse to others. The people that know her don't even see behind her mask.

  19. Thank you. 30 years and I'm finally recognising and fighting back but I have to be so strategic which is exhausting. I would like a divorce but realise if I instigate it I would be crucified by everyone as she is so popular and well regarded, so I feel as though I need to make her divorce me.
    My strategy has been to focus on bettering myself and on my well being through exercise and meditation. It is working because it's creating confusion and loss of control which she's not comfortable with, and fortunately I have a couple of friends who have listened and understood.

  20. I couldn't agree more with your assessment.

    The female narcissist I was involved with ticked ALL the boxes of your assessment.
    Thank you for an EXCELLENT video
    God Bless

  21. Omg..This describes my ex to a T.I'm in total shock traumatized by what I got myself into dealing with her,and yes the way she discarded me with her new supply was a total jaw dropping shock,her new supply laughed in my face and said "oh well heart break is heart break it is what it is." I tell you one thing, if I only knew then what I know now…Heaven help my heart.

  22. Taylor Rea Quinn of Concord, California. Operates from Oakland, Fairfield, Daly City, Millbrae, Brentwood…textbook covert narcissist. Enjoy the love bombing but don't buy in. Bail as soon as devalue stage begins.

  23. Spot on, was married to one for over a decade. I have a daughter that's one, elementary school teacher. Fake, fake, fake religious personas too.

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