Stop Enabling The Borderline | Codependency (Shared)

Stop Enabling The Borderline | Codependency (Shared)

2 thoughts on “Stop Enabling The Borderline | Codependency (Shared)”

  1. I'm so impressed how you pick up my frustration and anger in my comment. I agree whole heartedly on your topics about "enabling isn't helping." It really addresses a common good intention that goes awry. My comment was not aimed at the topic but at my own experiences of people who enable their acting out partners. I used that moment as a platform to vent my suppressed opinions on this topic. You're so right that I have to give that responsibility to the person volunteering to be a parent and that they are wounded too. Even the codependency is coming from a wounded place. I am so grateful you said that and I can feel a compassionate balance blossoming inside me. That is a real gift and is a better bed than being stuck in anger. I think this is a new start on my thinking and I this is a real gift of peace.
    I wrote that not as a reaction to AJ but a reaction to my family situation. That video hit the nail to what I believe is a bad way to handle people who don't address their harmful behavior. I've been thinking that over n over so when AJ made I video on it, I had strong (very very strong it seems) feeling about enabling that behavior. I've been so hurt and baptized in fire from my experiences from people blindly placating the Cluster B. Because my immediate family has partners who have BPD who are causing lots of damage to them and those around them. That's where my frustration is turning into passive aggressive writing (sorry about that), I have a little PTSD (anger root) from my ongoing experience and have been mobbed by those closest to me, so I subconsciously am fighting Cluster B actors who cause damage to those who are very close to me because I fear where their train is heading. My aunt had a huge blowout when I didn't babysit her grandson because she didn't want to. She turned my best friend and cousin against me for 8 months by sobbing uncontrollably while whimpering my name. He got infuriated and I put up a boundary until we all cooled down. Currently, she's been overdosing her meds and has been abusive to my uncle. She's done worse but because of algorithms, I can't mention. When uncle tried to walk away, she slammed herself on the ground while drunken like (she doesn't drink, meds induced btw) trying to keep him from walking away from her assault. She charged him with domestic abuse. The kicker is when he could go back home, he was all "yeah! I'm gonna get laid tonight!" Which dropped my jaw and I was thinking that can't be a healthy love he has. My brother has the shock treatment gf who tries to get involved with all the neighbors and wants my bro to fight them the next day when the neighbor does their own thing (shop clerk example). When he questioned her thinking, she threw him outside in a Chicago blizzard while he was barefoot. He had to break down the door to prevent frostbite, which had him get in trouble with his section 8 housing. He just lost his job and health insurance because she won't allow him to sleep (she doesn't want to be alone while he sleeps off a 3rd shift during the day) and when he fell into a diabetic episode (possibly overexertion), she stirred up a cyclone of "my 100 problem are the biggest, see!" Which led him without the support he would give (without hesitation and no matter who got sacrificed, him or his family are fair exchange to him). Also I've seen her rage at cars who didn't stop to change her tire. He gives all the latitude in the world for her and sees her as the tragic victim. She is a widow of a 2nd cousin who got a heart attack in his 40s from trying to work his butt off to provide for her and her 7 kids and now she's repeating that with my brother. She actually picked up my brother at her husband's funeral. My other bro is his gf's enabler and enforcer (why I use term enabler) who got into my mom's face because his gf was sweeping and his gf said "they just left me to sweep! Those cold monsters! They should've let me sit and swept FOR ME!!" He also actually assaulted me viciously in my home because his gf ordered it. Smiling the whole time like a sadist. A covert and her delusional projections.
    My point is all these men in my life went for the all giving love Avenue which ended up being destructive; not loving at all. They don't know anything about Cluster Bs and refuse to learn. But they will allow their partners to drain them for obviously disordered reasons. Sadly, they'll be ruined in the forecasts. I have to learn to leave them to their journey but they drag everyone into it and act like they don't have matches in their pockets. It really upsets me and sends me into a rant(obvious when AJ read it). It's like watching a movie and you know the arsonist is in the room. I am actually a student of love and the soul, even though it sounds fluffy. God loves us unconditionally and blindly, so blindly that if we need some challenges to grow, challenges will be provided.
    I thought about deleting the comment, worried AJ would put that in it's place. But I kept it up because of AJ's example of "keeping it real and I'm gonna say it." I'm glad now I did because Aj got to address it and I can smooth out the rough edges to my thinking. Thanks a lot AJ, I appreciate it when someone is both real yet wisely compassionate. Something I should practice more myself. Thank you and I'm honored you addressed my comment.

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