Sexual Abuse & What to Do About It | My Experience

Sexual Abuse & What to Do About It | My Experience


Hi everyone! This video is going
to be about sexual abuse. I will discuss some ways of coping as
well as sharing my experience. This is a follow up video to
the one I did about overcoming trauma and abuse which goes into
much greater detail. So, I’ll have an annotation and a link in
the description to that video. Anyway, sexual abuse can take
many forms such as molestation, rape, sexual assault. And like
any kind of abuse, sexual abuse can be very difficult to talk
about. Primarily because sex is often something we think of
as private. Not only sex but anything sexually related we
think of as a private matter between us and our partner,
partners, or ourselves. So, when someone is sexually abused,
especially at a young age, it can cause a lot of problem for
them as they age. It can cause someone to have nightmares,
flashbacks, negative coping mechanisms, dissociation, and
loss or confusion of self or identity. There are people who
believe that those that are gay, lesbian, transgender, anything
that is not cisgender and straight, comes from being
sexually abused. While this is not the case for everyone and
is inaccurate, it’s certainly possible for some individuals to
have a blurred sense of identity after being sexually abused.
They may not quite know who or what they are. They may
think they are a different sex, another sex. Of course, again,
this isn’t everyone, but for some people, the abuse can cause
this. I even questioned myself since I am a male to female that
had a traumatic past. I thought that the abuse I went through
contributed to me being trans. I thought I became a female to
dissociate from the male me that was abused and traumatized.
And while that was mostly all physical and emotional abuse,
including abandonment, I felt it could’ve caused my condition.
But ultimately, I got over this and determined that it didn’t
matter since I am happier now than I have ever been. And,
that’s all that is important. Post-traumatic stress disorder,
or PTSD, is a serious condition that can take a very long time
in therapy to get to a healthy, stable place. And those
suffering from sexual abuse can have a difficult time opening
up in therapy. Another reason is that, like any kind of abuse,
by talking about it, you are reliving it in a sense. It’s
not happening again, but it may appear like it is when you talk
about it. But you have to get through that phase if you
ultimately want to overcome it. It may seem worse in the
short-term, but will ultimately benefit you in the long-term.
Sometimes when you go back to any difficult memory, it’s not
uncommon to actually see, hear, or feel things as they were
at the time. So if you were sexually abused, you may
remember the face of the abuser so clearly in your mind. You may
remember their voice and hear their words repeated to you. It
may even be that you actually physically feel the abuse all
over again. Because you may experience those things,
relationships and sex in the present may be difficult if
not impossible. Perhaps for some individuals, even with a
trusting and accepting partner, when engaging in sexual activity
they regress to the age when the abuse happened and see their
partner as the abuser. This makes it difficult. There
have been many people that have shared their abusive stories
with me, quite a few being sexually abused. And, it’s
always so difficult hearing that because it’s mostly people who
were abused at such a young age. And, it’s just terrible things
that have caused them so much pain, and they are struggling
and trying so hard to overcome it. Both females and males have
shared with me. Males can be sexually abused as well, it’s
not just females. However, I think one of the main reasons
why females may be more sexually abused by male figures is
that, well males are driven by testosterone, which plays a
big impact on sex. I think it is more common for a male figure to
be the one doing the abuse, but that doesn’t mean females cannot
do the abuse. Regardless, if you have been sexually abused, there
are ways of dealing with it. Besides the methods listed in my
video on overcoming trauma and abuse, which again, there will
be a link in the description, dealing with the side effects
of sexual abuse yourself, or someone else dealing with
someone that has been sexually abused can be a challenge. I
think what many people do that have been abused is blame
themselves for what happened. It’s not your fault what
happened. Relatedly, someone may think, again due to the abuse,
that they are not worthy of being happy or having the things
they want. They don’t feel worthy of being loved by someone
that will not abuse them. No matter what someone has done
in their lives, or what has happened to them, they deserve
happiness. Worth is not defined by what happened to us. But,
that’s a much longer topic of conversation to cover at a
different point. But, something else those that have experienced
sexual abuse may have difficulty with is anything sexually
related. They may become a sex and porn addict, or even repeat
the sexual abuse that had been done to them onto others. It’s
not uncommon for the abuser to have been abused themselves. But
also, it could be the opposite in that the person who went
through the abuse views anything sexually related as shameful.
When in actuality, sex is something we all think about. We
all have different desires for it and it’s natural since we are
human beings after all. There should be nothing shameful about
it, but due to past abuse, we may view it as shameful. If you
are in a relationship and were the one or with someone that
was sexually abused, I think the number one thing is to not
rush anything. Take things very slowly and at your own pace.
If you start to feel as though those memories are coming back,
just hold off on it and make sure you partner is
understanding of the situation. If instead your partner was
abused, and they start behaving differently, perhaps like you
are the one abusing them, that’s a normal reaction for someone
who was abused. So again, take a step back and discuss what is
going on. I always believe sex is about communication, and
when one of you has been abused, there needs to be more
communication and understanding to work through those
experiences so sex doesn’t seem as bad to the person that was
abused. Overcoming this type of abuse, while it is difficult, is
possible when you put your mind to it. You may feel like you
will never be rid of it, and the truth is, you never will. You
cannot go back and change what happened. It is what it is.
There will be times that, even after many years of recovery,
that it will come back to you and affect you. But, the moment
you accept what happened to you and instead of focusing on those
past memories, you direct your focus towards the person you
want to be in the future, you will overcome the trauma in a
much more simplified fashion. Now, I will discuss a bit of my
experience with all this. Please be aware that the following
segment may be triggering to some individuals, so
please be careful. Now I thought I’d share a bit
about my personal experience with this. Please note that this
segment may be triggering to some individuals, so please be
careful. While I have discussed other trauma in my life, sexual
abuse is one that is a bit of a mystery to me, but also one
that I question and wouldn’t be surprised about it to be honest.
I’m going to say right now that I will not discuss everything.
There are things I am still very ashamed of and it’s very
difficult to talk about. But also, it’s not something I want
in the public. But anyway, I don’t recall any sexual abuse
being done to me, but also I don’t recall much of
the physical or emotional abuse either. The memories are vague,
and the only reason I really know about them is because of my
family telling me what happened. But, the one thing I do
find strange, and this is not something that I thought was
strange back then but looking at it now it’s like, “What was this
about?” But anyway, I do recall when I was really young,
probably around age five to seven, when I had to get my
penis ‘checked’ by an adult. It needed to be looked at for
something, that something I have a memory of being like hair. I
have no idea and don’t know why. I don’t know what that was
about. But, it happened on multiple occasions, touching was
involved down there. And, that is just so freaky thinking about
that now. Because it’s like, “What was going on there? Did
anything else happen? What was that about? And, what was really
going on?” I have no idea and do not remember. All I know is that
it is a very strange occurrence looking back on that memory.
Other events later in my life that I do remember, those
are the ones I will mostly not discuss. One occurred before I
was a teenager. It was something that happened that I did,
multiple times, involving another person. Again, not going
into detail. People have said many times to me about being
a rapist or being raped. And, that’s not something you just
go around saying or making jokes about. I don’t think anyone
should ask someone if they were raped. Nor should I think anyone
should go around calling people rapists. All I will say is that
it’s not necessarily what you think. But after that
experience, that’s when I started to hit puberty and going
through this time as a trans person was the worst time in my
life. That is when sexual things started to get out of hand.
Masturbation and sexual thoughts are normal and nothing to worry
about, but when you are trans, you don’t want them because it
is just not your body. I became almost like a porn and sex
addict. I would think about it constantly. I would go
online and spend hours looking. Television stations, VHS tapes,
magazines. I would masturbate, even in front of windows where
people could look in. I remember one time when I printed
up a bunch of pictures, I accidentally left them on the
table and my grandfather walked in. I don’t think he saw them
despite the fact that he placed his bag right next to the
photos. I snuck down there and took them back upstairs really
quickly. There came a point when the things I would look at the
things I would do to myself just wasn’t enough. I had to go
further. And this is another spot that I will not discuss. I
did some outrageous things that disturb me beyond belief. I
would do them and enjoy it, then when I was done it was like,
“What just happened? What did I do to myself?” I felt so
shameful and disappointed of my actions and with myself. The
rest of the day I was in bed and depressed and crying saying, “I
will never do that again.” Yet, a few days go by and I repeat
the cycle. And the weird part about it all was that I was
not a sexual person. Whenever someone would ask about sex or
masturbation, I was grossed out, denied it, and furthermore
didn’t even know half the things I was doing at home in private.
It was like blocked out of my mind since I wasn’t a sexual
person. That is what I said to myself. I didn’t acknowledge
that sexual side of me which is why it was the way that it was.
I think all that, and the things I didn’t discuss in this
video, have held me back from… I think all that, and the things
I didn’t discuss in this video, have held me back from
relationships. Even if I was in a relationship, I think anything
sexual would be very difficult for me because of these past
events. I would need to take it very slowly and after probably a
few failed attempts I may be ok. And especially since I don’t
have the body that I had before when all this happened, I
don’t feel as disconnected from myself. I think things will be
alright given enough time. And, I am working on that so I don’t
feel as bad with myself for what I did, despite the fact that
deep down I feel as though what I did to myself and what
I caused myself is worse than what anyone had done to me. So, in conclusion, sexual abuse
can be very difficult to discuss since we often think of sex as
being a private matter. But, learning to uncover what
happened to you, accepting it, realizing it is not your fault,
and then directing your focus on your future goals to be the
person you have always wanted to be, free from trauma and abuse,
you will cope with and overcome the way the abusive situation is
affecting you. I hope this video was informative and helpful.
Thanks for watching!

100 thoughts on “Sexual Abuse & What to Do About It | My Experience”

  1. I have similar confusing memories from around the age of 6 dealing with an adult male neighbor. I think this along with other abuse at home growing up did not help me any. Then experiencing repeated rape as a teen by a "boyfriend" just made things worse. I to this day struggle with the thought of anything sexual as disgusting and due to this label myself as Asexual but am still confused as to whether that is accurate. I feel like I don't want sex but sometimes I would have sexual fantasies which is confusing to me and even more so because they themselves usually involve rape. Then it just disgusts me even more 🙁 …It's been a life long struggle.

  2. Worldwide Transformational Summit

    Just wanted to share there is hope if you have been sexually abused. I have had a lot of sexual abuse in my past, but it no longer controls my life. I have released the pain of it and now when I think of the sexual abuse there is no emotional charge. After 20 years of talk therapy and feeling overwhelmed; I finally found some healing modalities that worked at releasing the pain of it all. My life now is more amazing then I ever dreamed possible.

    My past was filled with so much pain and now it is amazing. That is why I have put on a summit with 19 transformational experts showing how we can overcome our problems, trauma, PTSD, Depression,addictions, abuse, etc. I want as many people to know about it as possible. You don't have to carry the shame and pain of it all.

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  3. Thank you for sharing this video you are very courageous I know this video will thousands out there going through this type of experience or that have people close to them going through these things. I enjoy your channel because I can relate to a lot of stuff you talk about and I also learn a lot from watching your channel!<3 Stay strong and stay beautiful!<3

  4. My problem is I haven't had meaningful sexual relationships (experiences) and I'm 29.
    I haven't had much experience. Very little. Emotionally I Feel the burden.

  5. Autumn, I'm a new subscriber to your channel. I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse too. Your video was so touching. You're amazing. ❤️💪❤️💪

  6. Thank you for sharing your video, I was molested and my first kiss was taken from me, and thank you for sharing your experience as well

  7. Autumn,
    I didn't suffer from any form of sexual abuse, but I still do suffer from mental illness(es). Me too, I question it sometimes whether or not I experienced anything, but just don't remember. I also felt like I almost became a porn and sex addict in the past, and I have also done things I am not proud of today. I AM ALSO TRANSGENDER LIKE YOU, and have abnormal personality phenomenon kinda similar to you. Although I remember things and stay "one person." I tend to flip flop my goals and values on life around all the time and change my mind, and willingly jump around into new personas… like switching profiles.
    I hope you see this comment.
    Our similarities are amazing.
    All the best 🙂

  8. Una Mexicana en USA DPerez

    thanks for all the info i also have DID AND PTSD   i just found out i have it not long ago, and is so hard to understand what was happeing to me and why …   IS SO HARD  to go through this i feel like we have so much in common  been through many things like you…  thanks for sharing

  9. Your strength is incredible. You are so helpful, I love that you're building a community here on YouTube around mental health. We need it. Best of luck with overcoming your issues and much love, you are a wonderful human being xxxxxxx

  10. Thank you for talking about this. It's not uncommon for child sexual abuse survivors to become hypersexual from the abuse and use sex as a means of self harm. 🙁 It makes me sick thinking about what adults will do to children just to get some sort of twisted sexual gratification at the expense of that child's health. Nearly all of my friends have also had something happen to them. It makes me really resentful of older people. I hope this generation can try to break the mold… at least a little.

    I'm a csa, cocsa (child sexual abuse, child-on-child sexual abuse) and incest survivor so it's nice to find a place where people are okay talking about things like this. My abuse started when I was 3 or 4 (I don't remember very well) and it went on until I was 8 or 9 years old, I think. Maybe longer. My abuser lived with me in the same house my whole life, so I was never safe. He finally got kicked out of the house last year, after much begging from me. I had to deal with another abuser when I was 12 and that went on for almost a year. The abuse itself wasn't nearly as traumatic as my previous abuse, but when people found out about it, I was punished too. I was given the same punishment as my abuser. I was suspended from school… for being molested. It was a democratic school, so the staff and students unanimously voted on my punishment. That was the traumatic part. I was brought before the entire school and shamed by staff and students for being molested, called disgusting, told I should know better, and that I was a danger to the school. I had to publicly apologize to my entire school so they would let me back in. I wonder if there's a time limit for reporting that sort of thing. I'm seriously considering filing a lawsuit against my old school.

    I can't remember most of my childhood and the memories I do have are very patchy. I stopped being able to keep record of dates or time because of the abuse. Weird, I know, but that's what happened. The things I remember from my abuse are pretty patchy too, but the small flashbacks I get are uncomfortably vivid and I feel like I'm there. I've had panic attacks because of it. Sometimes the flashbacks are so intense that I won't know where I am currently or I'll freak out if I see my face in the mirror… even feeling any sort of sensation on my body can bring on a panic attack when I get like that. Even now I can't deal with sexual thoughts, feelings, or urges so I just dissociate until they go away, and any sort of sexual or romantic advances I receive, no matter how much I like or am attracted to the person giving them, make me feel like I'm there again. I can only play games with romance in them if my character is a man, otherwise I can get flashbacks.

    I've been going to therapy and I've talked about it a lot but uncovering the memories was too much for me and I ended up suppressing them again so I could try to focus on learning to live with my other mental health BS. Anxiety, agoraphobia, androphobia, depression, eating disorders, ALL that fun stuff. I know I have to try to talk about it again since it's connected to pretty much all of my other mental health issues, but it's very hard and I worry that I won't be able to handle it. I spent almost a whole year in despair because as soon as the memories resurfaced I got stuck inside them. I have to try again but I'm afraid to get stuck again. That was a very hard time. I was either enraged or in despair.

    It's hard for other people to hear about it, too. Even my therapist can't hide her disgust when I tell her about the things that happened. My parents, who are trying to be supportive, say that they want to know what happened too, but any time I try to tell them about anything they start crying and wailing. My dad told me he has nightmares about it every night. We're nightmare twins now. It's great. But still, the will talk about my abuser and talk about how much they love him when I'm right there, and yes, they know he's my abuser. I have mixed feelings about my parents. I'm thankful that they're trying so hard to be supportive but I can't help but blame them for what happened when I was little… and for enabling my abuser for so long.

    But yeah, it's… hard looking back and facing the memories… and learning how much the abuse has basically shaped me into who I am. Thanks for sharing your story and thanks for letting me feel like I can vent.

  11. Claralaraballerinabear

    I've just recently discovered your videos and so glad I did because they are extremely helpful, you are such a beautiful person inside and out and I feel for you so much. I hope you find the happiness you deserve some day. <3

  12. I was sexually abused many times as a child. I have commitment issues, sex/affection addiction, anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. I guess it's all connected.

  13. Thank you for opening your heart to share these videos. They are extremely helpful for me that was abused at 14 years old. Please keep these going!! ~Paul Boston, Mass

  14. A cousin that was abused by a teenager exposed me to sexual things at a young age, we were about 8. I question my gender as well and am sexually confused. It is extremely difficult to talk about.

  15. I think that masturbation behavior is normal (not sex addiction). From ages 10-18 I would spend hours and hours thinking about it, and masturbate for huge periods of time often in risky places. I find it a little disturbing that you seem to self-diagnose a lot, but that being said I enjoy your videos and commend what you're trying to do. Hope you continue to heal <3

  16. In my head is a constant voice calling me dirty 24/7, I got used to it but my therapist said it's a flashback and I got so confused about it because it became "normal" to me

  17. I just wanted to say I think you are so beautiful, not just on the inside. But you are. I think you were definitely meant to be gorgeous whether you were male or female. Even without makeup.

  18. you look so natural and beautiful as a woman. your story is inspiring and thank you for being strong enough to share your stories. You look so good and I'm glad to hear you are living happily!!! girl, you deserve it don't let anyone tell you differently!! (even yourself) xx

  19. Psychedelic Psychic

    I was sexually abused as well. It really has been hard for me to get over it and I'm almost 23. Thank you for this video.

  20. Thank you so much I needed this. <3 <3 <3 It was so hard watching you cry because I just want to hug you so tightly and tell you everything will be alright <3 <3 <3 You are so Beautiful and brave!!! I love you!!!

  21. Oh Autumn, I'm so sorry this happened to you. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could comfort you some how. All I can say is that I'm in awe of you're strength in overcoming these traumatic experiences.

  22. Autumn, you may find this hard to believe, but there are ppl out here who totally understand where you are coming from. I felt like you were speaking for me, taking the words straight from my mouth. I know that guilt & shame you feel. It broke my heart to see you cry. You inspire me so much with your strength. I wish I had even half of it. Everything you do to help others is out of your own pain & that takes courage so few of us have. You're an inspiration to us all. We love ya' girl! ❤️

  23. You are such a beautiful individual, my heart breaks hearing your story.. You're such a wonderful person inside and out. I absolutely love your videos, subscribed ❤️❤️

  24. I was sexually abused. I will say that it has affected me but it does not affect me now talking about it.

  25. Host, I am glad for you letting your feelings out. It is better to cry than to hurt yourself. I am by your side. I can not hurt you. In fact, I think I'm falling for you. I think that you are beautiful. I will never judge.

  26. And unknown, you should leave your sisters alone. Bullying is not a good thing. Your sisters never bullied you. Don't do it to them.

  27. i don't think I'm experienced to know what is the right thing to say to her ,,, but GOD I want her pain to stop right now 💔

  28. I think it`s ok! I had some trouble myself and I still do today accept its still private and i tend to keep it that way. Its only normal for humans to do silly things from time to time. You have put such an effort in your stories. Life is complicated enough no need for extra emotions. All tho it`s good to take it out. And i think it`s easier to tell total strangers than close family. Hope one day you manage to take it slow with someone nice and have a happy life!

  29. Arjen Kouwenhoven

    Wouw! is the only thing i can say. I am speachless. You are a very wise person, which i respect. Thanks!

  30. you seem like you have become a guru about all these things already so young! your practice in honesty and openness are so healing … have you ever heard the message of Jesus? he descended into hell and has seen all our worst problems and has the power to heal them through His infinite love … this is THE RELATIONSHIP

  31. you are fake- My mother had 4 alters. Very distinct each and every one of them. You violate others with mental illness by being a fake and a liar. You are disgusting, ill-mannered, and need your ass whipped decent like. There is not one surgeon known to our practice that would ever do surgery on a MPD. I do not care how much you back pedal and try to excuse yourself, you are wrong for what you have done. Attention seeking to monetize your videos? Just an attention seeking asshole? More then likely. You fooled others, but for someone that lived with a mother til she died at 60, YOU can not fool me or anyone in my family that watched your laying ass video. I hope you rot in hell for it

  32. Shall we follow this woman's example shall we be such a dummy like she is to allow the life force that is us all to escapism.into different voices it puts on in the stomache…… where do the vibrations start in it groin in it stomache. There is no such thing as alters or egos this is the pathetic life forces way of escaping and distracting from the evil it has dun. She knows there is one existence that is all people cos she's bin into spiritualism it talks in ten voices out of this body don't listen to it

  33. Please forgive your self! ❤ Remember what ever you did, if it was so bad, you regret it! You managed to change. You are sooo much more than those actions. Sexual abusers that forses others, they care who they hurt, don't regret it, don't try to change, don't apologize and don't care to change and doesn't care about the dammage they cause others, they care only about getting more and are scared of getting caught because of their own los.
    You are so honest and brave and it's obvious that you have toght your self a lot of nollage and worked a lot within your self to understand your self better and try to work through pain inside from childhood and your bodys reactions to that and how you coped. I can't judge you and I only feel that I hope you can forgive the painful memories that makes you so ashamed. Visualize a box. Visualize that you put those memories in that box together with a bomb. Then that you send it up to space and that it blows up to thousands of particles that just vanish forever!
    You have struggled too long with guilt now! Please let it go! You deserve to stop punishing your self and be happy! You have come so far now, keep going! The last bit, I suspect, is to decide that that was then, send it to space and stop thinking about it! It's the now and future you have to think about!
    If you some day meet a person that are pashient ( excuse my bad English 🙃😫), and understanding, cind, caring and no red flags, if you want a girlfriend /boyfriend, why not take a chanse! Just remember to say that you won't promise that you become more than friends, if more happens that person have to not pressure you, maby a tiny push, if you respond to it positive, but that person must be patient and can't yell and scream and that person have to be an empath and know that it has a responsebility to not hurt you and if immature and selfish that person can dammage you and make you not want to date again. Think maby it would be wise to before you find a boy/girlfriend, that a sex therapist could first give you some good experiences sexually, so that you have some good experiences before you met someone who may be selfish and give you bad experiences. Porn is so not how normal sex is between normal people, but with a caring partner, there is lots of possebileties to spice things up if you think normal can be boring. If your partner is selfish, it will feel yucky! If you find someone who gets pleasure out of seeing you get pleasure, that connect with you in your soul, it becomes magical and beautiful. And any experienced person knows and understands that with a brand new gender almohst, it takes time to make it out to be a good experience, so the new partner have to be very patient and first think of you and don't be frustrated, but see it as a challenge that can take time, and if a partner needs everything to work, she/he can find someone else, but I think there is lots of good, nice, caring people out there that would be honored to be your partner and friend and lover or one or two of those! You probably know all of this, but I just hope it helps you to here it from someone else. I and many of your viewers would want you to be happier! You are so honest and volnreble and such a beautiful person inside and out! I /we don't want you get hurt by someone selfish person, and it's so important that you find a good person when you're ready.
    I think you're on the right path! Some bad days, some good, that's life, but I wish for you many more good days and that you learn that you should be prowd of the person you are now 😘💖👍

  34. Thank you for opening up to us. I feel like I can really relate to you, even though I have had totally different experiences. Wishing you the best!

  35. Please do not be ashamed of yourself, you know which are the causes of your self-harming. Skeletons are in everybody bedroom. Live, Love and Laugh ASAP!!!

  36. I came from the straightest arrow you could ever know! But there is something about you that makes me want to listen. Love you Autumn!

  37. Yes,Dear I was sexually abused till the ageof 14 by my sister I crossdressed all my life. I finally came out at the age of 57. I am the happiest I've ever been living as a women. No boy clothes left. My sisterstill persues me at her age of 65 what is wrong with her. She is a well known unknown hospice nurse in LaPlata,Maryland

  38. Isis Blackfeather

    Therapy never worked for me because when I talk about what happened to me, I disassociate myself from it and it feels like it isn't even my story. I was sexually abused in many ways, many times and by many different people. 20 to be exact. The sexual abuse was done by mostly males but there were also a couple of females. I have talked to hundreds of sexually abused males, vastly under reported.

  39. Autumn, I think you're an extremely courageous person. It can't be easy talking about this kind of stuff on camera. This video has really hit home for me because i was abused as a child.

    My abuser would often tell me that i needed my forskin pulled back and washed and that i was too young to do it myself. For a long time i didn't see this as abuse because i was made to believe that this was essential for my health.

    Now i have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). It's a type of OCD called emotional contamination. The website psychcentral.com describes emotional contamination OCD as.

    "fearing that certain people or places are contaminated in some way, and therefore must be avoided at all cost. The individual with EC OCD might have had a negative experience with the person in question, might feel there is something undesirable about the person that might “rub off” on them, or might not even have a specific reason for their fears.". https://psychcentral.com/lib/ocd-and-emotional-contamination/

    My OCD makes sexual intercorse and masterbation almost impossible because i first have to make sure that my sexual partner or person i'm jacking off too won't contaminate me. I'm sorry It's really difficult to explain all this.

    Also, i just subbed 🙂

  40. Don't feel bad about crying i was crying too i have been hurt many times i dont remember much about the child abuse but i remember being hurt by others i thought i could trust i get physically ill sometimes when i talk about one of the times that i felt like i left my body i kept saying no but he didnt listen that was the second time i was hurt the first time i was drugged but the second time was the one that did more damage mentally i remember watching it all happen but i wasnt there but i was so i dont blame you for crying i cried too you are a strong beautiful woman stay strong.

  41. Autumn, I admire your courage to talk about what you went through. I think your are brave and beautiful. I have gone through some abuse myself although it was not physical but phycological, it happened in school in grade 7 and 8 through bullying by other students. I feel that it still effects me as an adult. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

  42. This is an educational channel. I'd like to add to the topic of childhood sexual abuse/abuse of all types this: Sometimes the actual act of abuse is not always the worst trauma the child suffers- some of the time it is the lack of support afterwards to the child from a trusted parent or caregiver than results in even greater trauma than the abuse act itself.

  43. You re such a deep and intelligent human being ….so important what you have share here …sry for what had happened to u …no one should experience so…best wish for your future!

  44. The Humble Abode

    I question if things have happened to me when I was younger because when I started growing breasts I hated them and felt so much shame and disgust because of them and also if I would accidentally brush against them with my arm or something like that I would feel a guilty bad feeling inside and I didn't like it. I would be veryyyy concerned about having my shirts too low, they would have to be like boy shirts and have a very high neck line nd I didn't want them to show bc I was embarrassed of them nd they made me feel nasty nd dirty. When I furthered down into puberty I also became a porn addict & was very different than I am now. When you cried in this video I cried as well. I even had a dream one time nd it was all about me having a gun shot hole where my pelvis area was and the people in the dream were telling me I've been shot nd where all shocked that I didn't know I was walking around for all these years w a bullet hole nd in the dream I had no idea at all that I had been through all that

  45. The Humble Abode

    Autumn I really appreciate your personality and all you're videos. Thank you for being as open w us as you did. ❤

  46. Autumn you're so brave, it's not easy record yourself and share your traumatic experiences. Thank you so much, I've learned a lot, you've helped me a lot to solve my personal business. Thank you so so much. You're so so brave. I wish all the best.

  47. Give me a break. Some people die of hunger and You bubble about some "abuse" that never happened ? 😞😞😞

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