Relationship Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse | Commentary on “Psychopath Free” by Jackson MacKenzie

Relationship Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse | Commentary on “Psychopath Free” by Jackson MacKenzie


hey everybody do you want to talk about
this wonderful book called psychopath free I don’t know if you’ve seen this
yet but this book is truly like the Bible of these relationships with narcissists
psychopaths, sociopath people with histrionic or or borderline personality
disorder and you know they call these the cluster B personality disorders and
the fantastic thing about this boat he chooses the word psychopath but you know
he goes through here basically the patterns of these
relationships and each of these relationships takes on a very
predictable pattern and what he says at the very end – is that people with
cluster B personality disorders make up about 15 or seventeen percent of the
population which is like at least one in seven people and that’s why opening if
you think about seven people in one of those seven people but also if you think
about you know how many of these people never get diagnosed how many of these people live in the
shadows because of all the narcissists psychopath sociopath and other cluster B
personality disorder people that I’ve met you know there they never got diagnosed they
never went to a psychotherapist but they very predictably followed in
these exact same patterns the relationship went down the exact same
path the result was exactly the same and i think the point died that Jackson
Mackenzie is making in this book is is that it doesn’t really matter you know we’re not psychotherapist we
don’t have to diagnose a person based on the DSM you know and and if they have
you know how many qualities that this list and there you know officially
considered this and that all of these of these cluster B personality disorders
what they have in common is narcissism great are these narcissistic tendencies
not all narcissists are psychopaths are sociopaths but sociopaths psychopaths and the
histrionic and borderline personality sort of people are narcissistic so that’s why they followed the same
pattern that’s what I want to talk about today
is is what Jackson Mackenzie’s talking about in his book psychopath free if you
haven’t read this definitely get this book you can get the
kindle version if you’re into online books if you live outside of USA if it’s too hard to get an Amazon book
delivered you can get the book yourself if you wanted the physical copy I like physical copies i like to like
underline and and right in the corners and stuff which is like I turn it into
like a project but I’m you know if i had read this book like 10 years ago like 15 years ago Wow all the heartache
it would have saved me right even if i had this like five years ago like I knew that there was a putter and
it seemed like I just kept meeting these these people who are like it was the
same pattern it was a different phase but it was the same kind of a person
essentially that was showing up in my life and you know both Jackson Mackenzie
the author of this book and Sandra Brown who did these wonderful videos if you
haven’t seen it talks about the common traits of victims of psycho pads and i
really recommend watching that both her and the author of this book Jackson
candy are talking about psychopathy being like the biggest public health
crisis facing society right now and that says something and essentially what
happens is people are falling in love with them all the time but it’s not love
it’s like this carefully planned trick to make you think that it’s love it’s a
setup from the beginning and it’s a track you know and in the name of the
game is like to break you down systematically methodically very
calculatedly you know your self-esteem your sanity like yourself worth
everything that you are there are three predictable phases in a
relationship with a narco path the first one is idealization or love
bombing and that is when you meet this person and suddenly they’re texting you
all the time they’re calling you all the time they want to spend all their time
with you it’s just like all day long it’s like
attention attention attention attention attention and you might be going like
wow this is like a little too much like okay but wow he really must love me you really must care you know but what
you also see is this pattern of flattery and i’m going to make another video
about that later the difference between flattery and
complementing but what you’re going to get in this in this first idealization
faces a lot of flattering a lot of attention a lot of adoration affection
false praise essentially and then and that’s cool of bombing the second phase
is the devaluation that’s when they start to put you down now they’re
becoming mean now like the very things that they were exalting you for during
the idealization days there now humiliating you for like the exact same
things right and and then it’s starting this yo-yo cycle the sweet means like
where they go back and forth between like attention kind loving and then
punishing you the valuing you putting you down and
then the final phase being the discard and you didn’t leave them already during
that evaluation phase if you didn’t see what’s going on that at some point
they’re going to discourage you they’re gonna throw you a like a disposable
piece of garbage and Jackson Mackenzie broke down these faces in a little bit
different way and it’s it’s really great he talks about that idealization phase
as personalized grooming and that’s really what it is exactly what it feels
like it’s like they manufacture the intensity right with the constant
contact they manufacture an addiction because
you know it all this affection and love and praise and it’s triggering like
dopamine in your brain it’s during the pleasure hormones also triggering
oxytocin that bonding trusting connection hormone and they’re putting on this very false
image persona that never existed but you don’t know that and you start to think that this person
is like the person of your dreams like it’s almost like too good to be true
right and and they’re pretending that they’re just like you that they share
the same insecurities as you that they like all the same things as you and
they’re just utterly fascinated with you or so you think and then and then it
moves into what he calls with Jackson Mackenzie calls the indirect persuasion
and that would be where you know they’re they’re creating like these subtle
expectations and warnings to you and it’s sort of like that they’ll often
bring in their ex’s like well you know my axe was just you know super jealous
like she couldn’t stand when I would talk to other people and blah blah blah and I know you’re not like that and my
axe you know she was always asking me about this or that or she was always you
know and I know you’re not like that and so it’s sounds like a compliment but
it’s not this person is is setting you up there letting you know what their
expectations are very clearly and they’re watching your reactions and at
the same time they’re building you up there telling you you’re better than
that you know and so so when it does again is
it tickles your pleasure Center sent sensors and you’re like okay good so
they like me better than that person so they’re already starting to manufacture
that competition and triangulation but that doesn’t come in yet and and then
you know what Jackson calls testing the waters and and that’s made they start to
provoke you and very subtle ways at first you know and you get to like
catch glimpses to see like you know how far are they actually pushing you and
these might come in the form of jokes teasing very subtle digs you know and
then are just kidding you know but really what they’re doing
is slowly training you to ignore your intuition right you you’ve now transfer
your sense of approval from yourself to this person because you like they were
saying at the beginning you know and they said it and they said it and they
said it until they broke down that defense that you had and then now you
like transfer your sense of approval into them so they have slowly trained
you too ignore your own intuition your own inner
sense of approval in favor of what they’re saying in favor of the addiction
and Jackson calls the second phase which is the devaluation the ID erosion the
identity erosion and wow isn’t that true so during that phase what they’re doing
is that’s when they’re systematically breaking you down but what are they
breaking you down specifically it’s your identity your sense of self right and so
they do this by first you know destroying your boundaries they will set
up situations and pretend like you know they had nothing to do with it was just
it just kind of happened that way where they they push your boundaries and they
push you and they push you and if you enforce that boundary they’ll say things
like you know well it’s okay with all of us but you
have a boundary and it’s like yeah I do thanks for noticing but you know the way
that they’re telling it to you is like is like you know you’re not like us you’re not cool like us you’re not good
enough like us you know and its really it’s your problem to have this boundary
but you gotta you know hold yourself strong but when you don’t
realize what’s happening you’re falling into this you’re going oh
ok well maybe it is me i mean if you and you and everybody you’re saying you know
is your friend is ok with this boundary of like somebody just jumping the fence
and in coming into my living room and somebody just being in my living room
suddenly Wow without even knowing that somebody
was coming and not okay i put up a boundary there but they’re going to see
your boundaries as a challenge and they’re going to try to destroy them
because they know that boundaries are self protection they know that you have
these boundaries up to protect yourself so they can destroy destroy destroy
those boundaries then you have no protection right they’re also going to manufacture
emotions during this time in particular jealousy they really like to work the
angle of jealousy and that’s actually a projection you know they’re incredibly
incredibly jealous people so you know because they are
narcissistic rather than taking accountability for their feelings and
dealing with their own feelings what they do is they push them out on you
they do things to you that you take on those feelings and how they do that is
they very carefully get you to believe that it’s your fault right and thats your problem so they’re
going to manufacture these emotions are going to start to bring around people
and tell you now or you know all the attention that you got at the beginning now they’re putting it in your face that
they’re giving that attention someone else and it might be really blatant and
it might be more subtle and it usually starts starts more subtle and then it
works its way up to getting really blamed the center they just keep pushing
and pushing and digging until you get to that point where you snap and then they
go haha look at you you’re just you’re so
chalice and possessive look at your behavior and they’re so
common cool you know because they hit they have no emotion they have no sense
of a sense of empathy or love or compassion for another being you’re simply a tool upon that they’re
using to extract what they want from you and and so then then then you know they
get you to focus on on on your behavior and how it’s your problem and so then the focus goes away from the
actions of abuse to your reaction to the abuse and it’s all your problem you know
and then during this time comes with a call that the word salad right and this
is when the per person is creating these circular conversations and it’s like
with the circular conversation does it just beats and beats and beats around
this thing without ever really going to the center to the truth – it’s real and
by the time you’ve come all the way around here they’ve got you to like move
on all these different tangents and twist and turn this thing one it’s all
your fault it’s your responsibility you’re the one who’s blah blah blah and
to you are utterly exhausted like totally exhausted because you’ve been
through this whole thing and they’re just going to say all sorts of stuff to
make you unhinge like that’s what they want it’s like they just push and push
until you get unhinged here comes the gas lighting which is
like this gross distortion of reality getting you to doubt your own sanity if it’s an intimate relationship there
will definitely be sexual manipulation and this could be you know what’s called
marital rape where a husband forced into sex on his wife this could be just the opposite this
could be the wife who withhold sex from her husband as a tool this could be the guy who’s withholding
sex from the girl and and getting hurt just like beg him for sex once a week or
once every two weeks and then you know basically turn it around so that you
know she’s demanding and she’s a whore and that sort of thing and and there’s
definitely gonna be some sort of sexual manipulation it could also be that they
are either blatantly you know with somebody else or they’re telling you
about how they want to be with somebody else so they’re constantly showing
pictures of what they desire sexually are talking about so-and-so and how they
desire them sexually and they just goes on and on and they’ll
just don’t do the work all these different angles until they find like
what triggers you and like what how they can finally get into that
breaking point and and we’ll also do things to put you on the defense you know because if you’re busy
defending yourself of the accused you of false false accusations then then you start to defend yourself
one you look guilty to all of your energy and attention is now going to
defending yourself right instead of paying attention to what they’re doing
you’re getting distracted from the point which was the abuse that just happened
and then now they’re getting you to try to defend yourself against something
that you didn’t do and and then comes the silent treatment right so when you
don’t give them what they want when you don’t shower them with the attention and
affection they want when you are just like fascinated by how amazing they are
when they’re like trying to put it in your face about how amazing they are
whatever it is that they they do or they like even if it’s like playing video
games you know and I mean they can and we can be like
from you know being a cardiovascular surgeon to like the simplest thing it
doesn’t matter but the point is that they want you to be fascinated with them
if you’re not feeding that giving them appraised and they’re gonna go find it
somewhere else and they’re going to throw it in your face about how so and
so is giving them so it was so amazing and they think this about them and
they’re so desired by all these people you know and it’s sort of like they’re
building out this persona and and then they give you the the silent treatment
when you’re not doing that or when you call them out on what
they’re doing it’s like very clear and call them out they don’t want to deal
with that or when you react to the abuse you know
when you fly off the handle leggy you reach like the brink of your sanity now you’re really upset like you freaked
out and they’d go Ray and then it’s cyrus and then now you’re the problem
and it’s all you and so during the silent treatment then
all this ignoring like you’re starting to believe that it’s your fault and and
that’s part of the mind game and then the covert gossiping you know they’re already starting to
take this part of the triangulation they’re already starting to talk with
other people and and get them all worked up against you and what they’re doing to
is because they’re so cold-blooded they can sit there with no emotion and
and trigger you and provoke you to react in front of other people and then when
you do that they come see see what I mean do you see what I mean
about someone to look out crazy they are looking chalice they are not possessive
they are you know look how close minded they are or
whatever they’re just going to push you and push you into that breaking point
and then they’re going to triangulate other people against you so now you’ve given them fuel now they
go to so and so the new supply you know the next hand that’s going to
feed them the next victim that they’re going to suck dry of course that person
doesn’t realize what’s happening at this point there in the initial idealization
phase you’re at the end you know they don’t know right now they’re getting all of the
flattery and they’re getting all of that see you’re not like so-and-so so-and-so
is crazy so what you’re not like that you know and then comes the grand finale
as Jackson calls it which is when like you know they’ve already been like
slowly showing interest in someone else and they’re letting you know that
they’re interested in someone else and provoking you too until you react and
they’re calling you overreacting and jealous and give you the silent
treatment or avoiding and ignoring you and then you react by self destructing
like it a certain point you just you implode right you explode at first and
then go look look see her and so then you stuff it down and you
stuff it down and then you implode and you self-destruct right and in that can
come out in any sort of way but essentially what they’re doing is
they’re just using all of that to to convince other people that that you’re
crazy that you’re the problem that it’s not them see they’re so innocent and
they maintain this or of childish innocence you know but that’s all false
and and then they’ll choose the most insensitive way to dump you to walk away
from you and then the way of the new target in your face and be like see I
was so and so I’m giving all my attention love you so and so and and
it’s just it’s just unbelievable you know and and and the results are the
same like every single time you feel like a part of you died you feel this
incredible emptiness you’re totally exhausted you feel completely unhinged
you probably doubting your sanity and it’s like you’re holding on to your
sanity by like the thinnest kite string at this point and and then you have to
go heal and you know what Jackson is talking about in in Psychopaths free
about the healing as he says you know the first step is education you got to get online you got to get
some books you gotta like find out everything you can find out about this
phenomenon and the thing is that most people just don’t know that narcissistic
abuse is a thing it’s a real thing that happens when
you’re in it and you’ve not been exposed to these keyword terms you don’t know what it is you know so
you know this book is like the first place i would go if you’re like new to
the scene you’re just figuring out what’s happening to you and like you’re
just trying to make sense of it all read this book check out they have a
website – it’s a fantastic website and then the second phase of the healing
he says validation and that’s when you join support groups other people who
have been through it because the thing is that you know your your friends and
family as much as they might love you and want to support you if they haven’t
been through this kind of abuse they just don’t get it they don’t get it
and and they might say things that they feel have good intentions like just get
over it come on get on with your life but initially like you can’t because you
have been through this mind fuck like a total brainwashing experience where we
you don’t even know what’s real anymore you don’t know what’s real anymore and
people who haven’t been through it don’t get it that’s why you need to seek
out people who have been through it you read their stories you know you’re not alone you get some
positive feedback some encouragement from people that is so important you
know it on facebook now this is really possible to do online you can find out
other forms as well online you can even find local groups that meet up to talk
about this it’s just it’s not quite as common of
the topics such as you know people who are family members or spouses or
partners or friends of people who are alcoholics or people who are physically
abusive or sexually abusive it’s just that it’s just now starting to get more
traction in the collective consciousness I think it’s really important to
understand at the end of all this that you know you could drive yourself crazy
trying to understand what happened you could drive yourself crazy trying to
figure out what made that person become like this you could drive yourself crazy
trying to figure out well are the endorses drawing the associate path or
the in psychopath or did they have histrionic or do they have borderline
you know but the fact of the matter and that’s what I think like the point of
Jackson been in this book was that it doesn’t matter like that’s just a label you know and thankfully i’m not a
psychologist maybe you’re not a psychologist you don’t have to diagnose
people so so that’s not your problem but the only the only benefit to knowing
those labels is the keyword search because like until you found out what a
narcissist was until you found out what a sociopath was until you discovered
what gas lighting was you didn’t understand what’s happening to you so it’s really helpful to know the
keywords to be able to look up resources to gain more knowledge to educate
yourself and at the same time let go of the need to label it because
if you put that all under the umbrella of cluster B personality disorders you
know as they call it in the DSM of psychology or you can just use the
common term that people are using now which is narco path you know it’s just
kind of a generic term to describe people who have these emotionally
abusive emotionally manipulative narcissistically abusive tendencies and
and it’s just it’s so important to realize that the end that it is not your
fault you got tricked like that was a set up the whole way that person who set
you up is a coward they got in there they lied they
deceived they slowly eroded at your sense of who you are and what’s real and
by the end you probably felt so unhinged and confused and never knew where you
stood with this person and felt like you’re walking on eggshells and then
didn’t realize that that sort of just bled through your entire life like it
didn’t just stay localized in that relationship like that blood through
into your work into your family life into your friendships into your creative
projects it took over your entire life and then
when you get out of that experience you’re utterly devastated because
because your whole life has been uprooted and you know Jackson Mackenzie
talks about in this book that it could take one to two years generally for a person to heal after one
of these experiences so be patient with yourself you know i don’t i don’t think that
there is an exact number that you can put on the healing process I think that
depends on a lot of things you know on the person on where they’re at on the
intensity and the ongoing nature of the abuse that they endured on how many
repetitive relationships like this that they endured on you know how how did to
go back to child good and have those issues been dealt
with yet and it is it is a process that’s not going to happen overnight but
healing is possible and i just want to leave you with that message get the book it’s a fantastic book if
you haven’t read it yet thank you for tuning in today helpful for you if there’s anything I
can help you with please do leave a comment below if you have any feedback
on this video or questions if you’re looking for more resources for the self
healing process after narcissistic abuse please feel free to sign up for my free
webinars on Monday evenings at 6pm Pacific us a time check out what time it
is for you locally we have a question and answer every week if you can’t
attend live I also post the free audio recordings on
my website after each one of those episodes i hope to see you there again if there’s anything I can help you
with please feel free to let me know and remember you are not alone we’re going to get through this together
viva la revolucion

100 thoughts on “Relationship Patterns of Narcissistic Abuse | Commentary on “Psychopath Free” by Jackson MacKenzie”

  1. Wow. 1 in 7 ? That is a truly frightening statistic,but they certainly seem to be everywhere. It's like the planet is being taken over by them. I'm going to join the 1 in 6 club !!!!!

  2. He cheated on me again but uses the same excuse …..he "thinks or needs to believe i did 6 yrs ago. Then he says i get defensive when he says it. NO I am tired of the same old excuse so he can justify his contant cheating.

  3. I live with him after forgiving and giving him a million second chances. Lied and cheated again, then got caught and now practically lives with her. Went syraight from our bed to hers overnight. I see how much he is enjoyong this fuckery as it hurts me. He knew after my best friend died i would be devastated. So being the wonderful man he claims to be, he kicked me further down and continues too. Also, the woman he is now fooling is a mother at our daughters high school. Wake up Cinderella or the prince you believe him to be will be feeding you the poison 🍎. I know he makes me out to be the witch, but actually I'm sleeping beauty. I just happened to wake up and see him for who he really is, so of course he has to claim I'm the witch to protect his secret. His secret lies underneath his mask of charm. I am serious, he ia dangerous. Don't eat the apple, (fall for his lies), it will poison your well being.

  4. I'm crying watching this, tears of sadness because it's true and tears of joy because I'm not fucking crazy, thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart.
    Downloading book on audible now

  5. I can't tell you how much you've helped me. I left him 6 months ago. I can't post publicly all the ways I suffered, but I'll tell you I'm grateful to be alive. I saved the link to this video on a word doc, because at some point I may need help explaining what happened to me to some members of my family (some are estranged after this and with some, I still have a strained relationship). It's so hard to put into words, and you encapsulated my experience. I didn't deserve any of it. Thanks to you, I have identified the elements of my character that were (are) essentially shark bait. I can't thank you enough.

  6. Yes, it is so horrible the horror I suffered. Groups to help heal are the best, because NOONE knows what you have been through unless they have been through it also.

  7. I have been together with a woman for one and a half year, and have found out that this woman must have some kind of a "cluster B" diagnose… But I am so much in doubt – She have bin together with the same man for 30 years until he died 3 years ago of cancer.. I can't understand that she told me she had this perfect marryied with him, and i stand now disgarted and totally blown into pieces… Am I the one not to understand, or is she suddenly become a "cluster B" person while she was together with me… I am so confused.

  8. Do you know my husband? They are absolutely bat shit bonkers! New supply triangulation smear campaigns and the charm! Wow they have oscars for there acting performances! I was holding onto my sanity until I got away and have had a range of emotions since. Lost a lot through my ex narc financial emotional mental house money friends family. Meredith you’re an angel thank you for helping validate my life time of continued abuse. It ends now x

  9. Gayathri Rasingolla

    Dear All,

    I'm doing a research study for my MSc Psychology thesis on this very topic. And I’m looking for participants who are women and 18+ in age to participate.

    The study concerns implications to women's self-trust following the dissolution of a relationship with a partner they believe had significant psychopathic tendencies.

    Full information about the study, what these tendencies entail and the requisites are mentioned in the information sheet in the link below:

    https://roehamptononlineacuk-my.sharepoint.com/:b:/g/personal/gayathri_rasingolla_roehampton-online_ac_uk/EdwIdBi8w3hNl46mbHQda5EBo-oK_7EPbBYFpSgOoTTLpw?e=poWB6j

    But if the link doesn’t work, please email me directly and I can provide you the detailed information sheet. I can be reached on: [email protected]

    Please see if your are suitable and if not, I'd really appreciate all of you sharing this message with your social media/ email and personal contacts – would highly appreciate that.

    Appreciate your support.

    Regards,
    Gayathri.

  10. Completely agree with you when you said…. if you haven’t been through it you’ll never get it. These relationships is such a fog with love’s twisted games. Thank you for your videos as always. Bless you.

  11. My ex narc abandoned me over and over- including our new born- publicly humiliated me… literally abandoned our new born and put it on me so everyone thought I was the terrible parent…
    I was utterly destroyed…
    I had to just get on with it and put on a mask for our baby. I felt no love. Bring him up totally alone and isolated with no support, in a new town and a gutted but new home- and no money.
    He continued to play games- calling the police when I would arrive to ask if he wanted to spend time with his child?; ignoring me and our son in the street countless times- walking straight past when I was struggling as he had a meltdown and I had bags of shopping- and destroying my reputation in my home town and online by making videos on me…
    This only stopped a year ago and our baby is now four…
    I am only just facing the true healing journey now- so for me this healing won’t be the usual 1-2 years…

    He now spoils our child and posts pics online of being the perfect devoted dad- he subtly tries to turn our son against me too. I have tried to make peace with it and with him- fairly successfully actually as a I am forgiving- however he still plays subtle games and I end up breaking down on occasions.

    My boy holds him and the narc family cult members- mainly the ring leading mum who is incredibly talented at playing people and manipulating all those around her- making out she adores each person individually but destroying them behind their back, apart from “family”- on pedestals as they shower him with attention and never hold him accountable, even if he is playing up and testing boundaries- there are none. So when he comes back to me I am the bad guy and I have to start at square one to get his behaviour and my boundaries back in place.

    I am recovering and definitely feel I am getting my sense of self back on some days- but other days I still feel blank- no longer distraught but just kind of blank…

    I know I need to make some action steps to heal- any advice would be appreciated.. Everyday was so so tough bringing up our new born whilst being utterly devastated within my soul- I had imploded as you describe…

    Any books on when you have had s child with a narc? Or how to develop your self-love and self-trust to empower you again?

  12. I really enjoyed listening and learning from this. It always helps me. I hope it helps a whole lot of others to know about them and can make themselves become so much more from the experience. I am two months into no contact and it feels great but realistically it does have many stages.
    It’s up and down and a battle in between from the continuation with the ones I randomly meet.

  13. Freedom Girl Princess

    Nasty coments concealed as jokes.
    Today I text him and told him everything that was on my mind all the hurt and pain he has inflicted on me I told him some honest truths about himself he has withdrawn his friendship.

  14. Thank you so much for this video. This describes my ex perfectly. I am still shattered but 'm trying to get back my inner strength. Thanks again.

  15. I stopped giving any money. I stopped giving him attention.. Ive let him know Im over it all.. And tried to end it twice.. But he won't go.. Why would he still hold on if hes not getting anything from me? Crazy thing is now hes telling me how he feels and its everything ive said to him about how i feel before i tried to end it and im thinking wtf .. I feel like im in the twilight zone..

  16. I was raised by the narcissist , I am 58 years of age now and finally able to identify what the hell has happened to my life . I have 3 other siblings . We all have had hard lives of suffering various kinds of abuses including drugs and alcohol .

  17. If you're on a dating website, what kind of things can you do or say to avoid attracting a potential narcissist?

  18. Sherrill Martinez

    After my husband died and at least 5 years later, I came across yours and other videos regarding narcissist people. It was a giant revelation for me to realize what was happening in my marriage. I am continually learning and feel I am armed with the tools I need to deal with the people who I will accept into my sphere.

    I was wondering if you could suggest some ways to approach my sister who is living with a narcissist who has her under his total control. I know that most people would say that she has to realize what he is, but that has not happened in the 50 years they have been together. And, even I did not see what was happening to me until my husband died and I stumbled on these YouTube videos.

    So, any suggestions? Maybe a video about people trying to wake their sisters, friends, brothers, or their own kids up? I love my sister so much and I just want to shake her awake, like I was when I heard about this subject.

  19. This is my first time to your channel! I love your video, the way you carefully explain everything in such a calm and captivating way! What brought me here is my current situation with the narc I was in an on/off relationship with and have a 6 year old daughter with. I’m in a very low spot today, mentally/emotionally because of it. Not only did he discard me again for the LAST time days ago.. of course, he did it in that very narc way.. created a problem with me (getting short and angry because I asked a simple non invasive question) blowing up and saying we won’t do this anymore then hanging up on me. Into, later texting a hug emoji (when I was already asleep). Into Monday morning, calling me excessively, when I got on the phone with him he was questioning me in a very aggressive/demeaning way asking ME what I want to do about us.. only for him to then hang up and discard me through text. Text goes something like this- “you don’t love me like you’ve claimed, you’re using me, you don’t care about me all you wanna do is put me down, treat me like crap, try to change me.. I need someone who accepts me for who I am and you don’t understand me at all, you could never give me what I want and need in this life” (me not responding to any of it) then in the next text, it’s the devaluing. Then in the next text he was asking what belongings of mine and my children are at his house (mostly kids stuff) so I replied with what was there and he said he would drop it off later that night. Then later he calls, I don’t answer and he text to say tell our daughter hope she had a good day (which he rarely checks in about her or calls her and he also knows I do not pick up my phone when we’re at odds ends unless it’s urgent and that if he wants to talk to her he can specify via text or vm), then the next day, calls during the day when she’s at school, I don’t answer again. Following day, calls again during the day when she’s at school, I don’t answer again.. Thursday, calls in the afternoon (we’re at a play date) he immediately text me “guess you’re just never going to let me talk to her now while she’s with you” which is utter bull because I have never put her in the middle and would never go to those lengths where I keep her away because of him and I. Then I simply text him back shortly after stating he is exaggerating, that she is busy playing I will have her call later. After play date she goes to gymnastics, in between and after that, both times I tried to encourage her to call him back, she did not want to talk to him.. and I let him know. Which has been another ongoing issue for a long time.. since she was younger, she does NOT like to be next to him, has never wanted to go with him on his time.. most times she’d scream at the top of her lungs. I think she’s always instinctively known that he has a bad aura or something. Plus, as she grew older and incident over time, which is him not consistently being a part of her life and when he is with her, she’s still not getting what she needs.. so it’s like she learned to self protect around him. He knows he has affected her. He has even gone as far as to call it “annoying”.. even though he knows he has played a part, but of course he won’t take accountability or change anything. So after she didn’t want to talk we carried on from gymnastics to home to get ready for bed (she does have a bedtime routine and I’m adamant about sticking to it) I got busy doing that, then got busy with my other child, fell asleep never calling him back or texting him, which still shouldn’t provoke such a reaction in a stable or reasonable individual.. but of course with him it does. So the next morning he text why are you keeping my daughter from me.. so I went on to say just that^ in reply- “she had a busy day, I tried to encourage it but she simply didn’t want to talk and I’m not going to just force her.”didn’t want to talk. And of course that provokes even more of a reaction from him, with texts like- “man I really hit the nail on the head you most definitely are a scumbag, I guess this is the game you’re going to play and so be it karma is a bi**h” “I was looking around the house last night for your things you said you left here, I haven’t found anything maybe you took them back and forgot” (mind you, it’s most kids stuff such as a power wheels, scooters, a skateboard that the often play on at home and he knows darn well that I didn’t grab them) then i text back reminding him of the items and his reply -“nah they’re gone” “If my daughter needs anything just send me an email, goodluck with your spiteful disrespectful ways. I can see who ya really are once again.” “just fyi, I had someone move in with me now. She did find a bra of yours last night in my room so I can set that aside for ya.” AFTER just saying nothing there and our stuff is gone! This is just this past weeks incidents. Before that, he had been pressuring me and trying sell me the idea on moving in with him, and how it’s what he wants and wants us to be a family etc. meanwhile, the problem I have had with living with him, or even continuing the relationship, is because of the way he treats me. The getting upset if I don’t come over one night. He’ll say goodnight in a seemingly good mood then text later than come morning he’s all pissy. His nice lasts for 3 days max. He has blamed it on “being miserable” because he wants and needs more time. He has blamed it on that I won’t commit, when, I have been committed just not by his definition which is living together. And then he had a new excuse for his miserable ways, which is that his roommate/brother is abusing substances again and it’s making him stressed every day and he needs to get him out and have someone else live there because he supposedly can’t afford it on his own. What’s funny too, while I’ve been hesitant about it because I do not want to drag my children into something I know deep down won’t get better by living together, I finally agreed Saturday and we had an elaborate conversation about our combined income and bills, then later that night.. he had claimed that he’s been stressed all day and that he can’t make it work. After, his WEEKS of trying to convince and pressure when he already KNEW the financial situation. And the thing is, it could work. Also, before all that he had told me that he’s worried that I’m going to decide last minute and it will be a no and he’ll be stuck.. so he was projecting onto me the very thing he ended up doing. And also, a week or so ago one day, he said if I can’t decide then he’s just going to have to get back on fb and figure it out by finding a female he knows that might be looking. Coincidentally two days later, he text saying that an old friend walked into his work that he hadn’t seen or talked to in a long time and she just so happens to be leaving her boyfriend and needs a place to live… her and her two daughters!!! And this girl, he has been friends with since early high school I believe?! A few years back, he was hanging around her and because of how he was treating me whilst hanging around her, I assumed something was going on with them and he swore it wasn’t so that they were just friends and he was helping her THEN get out of a crappie relationship. So, it’s kind of funny how it comes back around. I can’t help but feel like it was all calculated moves and I was used until she was ready or something. And while of course it is still a very disheartening thing to go through and my mind is warped over it. I don’t feel as bad because over time seeing how much he neglects having a relationship with our daughter, and how she’s almost always with his mom on his time, that alone has had me withdrawn in many ways. Still hurts though and it’s still soo baffling to deal with the ….(after discard) I’m so sorry for the ways I’ve treated you, you have such a good heart and I love you more than you’ll ever know, I’m sure you don’t want anything to do with me but you were right and I think we should go see a counselor even if it’s just as friends to help get on the same page, please meg I really just want to be you’re friend and be here for you” to the days later more crazy making behavior, the devaluing not long after etc. I would never wish any of this upon anyone

  20. Thanks Meredith.
    Can you please help advise me how to respond when my wife overrides me in front of my kids.
    It is now a daily occurrence, where she will enforce the opposite of whatever I am instructing the kids to do. This is regardless of whether it is in the kids interests or not.
    My wife is a very skilled debater, but worse is she will never back down from an argument. She will escalate until she is in a rage. She now does this in front of the kids, then will turn it around to say I am to blame.
    My first priority is to protect them from the arguments.
    My concern is that the kids are either seeing this constant override followed by an argument, or a bullied father / father treated like a child. Both are damaging for the kids long term.
    Until I am able to separate, I will avoid conflict as #1 priority. Do you have any suggestions to minimise the impact of her deliberate attempts to obliterate my role and rights as a parent in front of the kids?

  21. Another great video. You are my go-to channel for all things narc related. One of my narc exes would always discuss our relationship with his female friends, some of whom he'd slept with! Their advice to him, he'd enjoy telling me, was that he should dump me, as clearly I was the one causing all the upset. If he really wanted to undermine me, he'd invite some of these friends of his to the house just to rub my nose in it. My God, I would have loved back then to have had the insight I have now thanks to you, Meredith. You truly must have left one of the higher realms to come to Earth to heal and teach us. Bless you.

  22. The illusion of childish innocence. I have noticed this is very, very common. It is hard for truly innocent people. A lot of their behaviour is something like really really nasty, toxic, school bullying behaviour and they are the manipulator that subtly aims it all in your direction. They usually have a main target and keep others on their toes, confused, and acting as flying monkeys under mild threat or uneasy narc. validation. They have a negative energy they deflect onto their target while absorbing and reflecting your positivity.

  23. How would you find one of the group's as my mind has been scrambled like that. I do not think I will ever recover sometimes as I attracted so many. It has been 4 years since I got away from a really bad one. I still have one in my life.

  24. Meredith you have absolutely nailed the whole play from opening act to the closing storm out scene. My guess is you've been walked down that road yourself. My upbringing at the hands of a narcissistic mother set me up for a whole life of being targeted by these parasites. I am learning now how to value myself and to simply reject all the snares and traps they set. I dont bother to argue them anymore. The hurtful thing is the triangulation where they so skillfully turn your friends against you.

  25. Marcel keyboardWrestler

    So much wisdom and explaining it so calmly ! thank you so much… <3

    Healing as we speak, my head is totally F up and trying to figure out the why's and connecting the DOTS… this particular specimen has left a mark in me and i have a freaking hard time to find my self again 🙁

    Thank you soooo much for sharing this information 🙂 to give some energy back : YES this is helpful !

    Life long and prosper,

  26. The best thing to do is first ignore them; and then distance yourself from them. Underneath all of their machinations is an intense envy and hatred.

  27. Dr. Mrs. Professor Chaos

    I refuse to "read between the lines," and I don't embed my message between the lines. It infuriates him when I ignore the indirect and wait for him to say directly what he's getting at. He calls my "gray rock" as proof that I'm the one with no empathy. I withhold sex because I feel disgusted by being with him because of the way he makes me feel. I feel like it's sleeping with the enemy. I have literally no idea how to physically escape. Women's shelters in Texas don't consider non violent abuse something they need to prioritize.

  28. Brett Leathers II

    I dont think im a narcissistic guy. I can prove it. But first, is it wrong that all i can think is "my god she is smart, and i want to do her so hard"

    Back to proof i spoke of…..shes way out of my league

  29. Yep the love bombing and him praising me for my faith in God and how he could "see my connection with the holy spirit" like it was beautiful, til I finally dated him. Then hed disguise his real thoughts as jokes, insulting God, Christianity and just everything I believed or enjoyed (music, activities etc etc). I'm watching and writing this…geez it's ALL spot on

  30. while i agree 100% that everyone is entitled to their own opinion on this, and that to have boundaries or say NO! to whatever they deem fit and also that noone deserves a relationship which is a rollercoaster ride between idealisation and devaluation or being manipulated by self harm of the partner or suicide threats, i must say that lumping Narcs and bpd together is dangerous+unfair, espec. bc main difference is that bpd's have empathy, feel way too much pain and are much easier to be cured! also they hurt mostly themselves and NOT others, also they are the ones who are the Victims of Narcs Parents!

    Dr. Psych. Elinor Greenberg Psychologist, Author, and Lecturer on Borderline Disorders says the following:
    To an untrained eye, it can be hard to distinguish people who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder from people with Borderline Personality Disorder. This is especially true if you are trying to have an intimate relationship with someone with either of these diagnoses.

    Most of the confusion comes from 4 basic things that people with both these diagnoses have in common.
    Lack of Whole Object Relations. Lack of Object Constancy. Extreme emotional reactions when triggered. Difficulty maintaining stable, normal intimate relationships.

    However, NPD and BPD are actually quite different. The people who struggle with these two disorders have different vulnerabilities, different desires and fears, different defenses, and use very different coping strategies.
    Here is a brief overview of their differences:

    Main Issues
    NPD: Unstable self-esteem with underlying shame about the self. Searching for Narcissistic supplies that raise their self-esteem. Lack of emotional empathy.

    BPD: Unstable sense of identity with underlying fear of being inherently unlovable. Searching for unconditional love and reparenting. Feels inadequate to deal with adult responsibilities.

    Fears
    NPD: Loss of status, being exposed as a fake, public humiliation.

    BPD: Loss of love, rejection, being abandoned or engulfed by the emotional needs of the other person.

    Desires
    NPD: Success and high status.

    BPD: Unconditional love and reparenting.

    Splitting
    NPD: Special vs. Worthless (for using)

    BPD: All-Good vs All-Bad (bc of intense perceived or real feelings of hurt, betrayal)

    =========================
    Let’s look at a common dating situation which both people with NPD and people with BPD might find triggers their anger and insecurities. Notice the different thought patterns and the different underlying issues which surface.

    The Blind Date-1

    Katie and Jared have never met. A mutual friend fixed them up. They agreed to meet at 8pm at a local restaurant. Jared has NPD.

    Katie is 15 minutes late. In those 15 minutes, Jared goes from feeling pleasurably excited and looking forward to meeting Katie to feeling self-conscious about sitting there obviously waiting for someone. He thinks to himself:

    What if she does not come? Am I being stood up in front of the whole restaurant? This is so embarrassing. I see people looking at me. They are probably laughing and thinking: Look at that loser!

    Jared goes from pleasurable anticipation and feeling self-confident, to worried and self-conscious, to feelings of shame and fury. By the time Katie finally arrives, he is furious and narcissistically wounded and says:

    You are an inconsiderate b*tch! Who do you think you are making me wait like this? You owe me a huge apology and if it isn’t good enough, our date is over right now. You can sit here while I walk away and embarrass you in front of the whole restaurant and see how you like it!

    Blind Date-2

    Janie and Eduardo have been fixed up by friends. Janie has BPD. Janie arrives first, orders a white wine and waits for Eduardo. After 10 minutes she gets worried. As she waits, her old insecurities get triggered. She starts to feel unhappy and desperate and thinks:

    What if he never shows up? What if he saw a picture of me online and decided that I wasn’t pretty enough for him? What if I am being abandoned for somebody better and he does not care enough to even text me that he isn’t coming?

    After a few minutes of this, Janie has worked herself into an angry panic. This feels like a repeat of every time she has ever felt abandoned by a man.

    Eduardo walks through the door, rushes over to Janie and says exactly the right thing to diffuse the situation and reassure Janie:

    Oh my God! I am so sorry for being late! I was caught in traffic and my cell phone died. I couldn’t even text you. You are so beautiful! I feel so lucky that you waited for me. I will make it up to you.

    Both Jared and Janie have to wait 15 minutes and both get insecure and angry with their blind date. However, Jared is mostly concerned about looking ridiculous in front of the other diners and losing their respect. He is furious because he feels embarrassed and disrespected by his date. He responds in a typically Narcissistic way by angrily and loudly devaluing her.

    Janie was not focused on the other diners’ opinions of her. Her worst fears about being ugly, unlovable, and abandoned were triggered by her date’s lateness. Her anger disappeared as soon as Eduardo’s behavior made it clear that her worst fears were not happening and she began to feel wanted and attractive again.

    Punchline: While people with BPD and NPD share certain difficulties, such as the lack of whole object relations and object constancy, they have different underlying motivations for their actions and reactions.

    Elinor Greenberg, PhD, CGP, In private practice in NYC and the author of the book: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations.

    www.elinorgreenberg.com
    https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-differences-between-abusers-with-narcissistic-personality-disorder-vs-borderline-personality-disorder/

  31. Where do I find the support group… I’m really trying to hang on … one to two years to heal ??? I need to heal now .. I want to get him out of my mind and move on … i dated my ex narcissist for over 2 years and it’s been over a month since I left him .. and I know he was the monster .. but still a monster I love … I want to run back to him but what stops me is thinking of the way he treated me ….. I broke up with him 4 times and hopefully I won’t go back .. I just feel like if he were to call me (I have no contact with him now but he always used to call with no caller ID) I would hear him out but not want to be with him … when we broke up I discarded him and snapped on him /cursed at him / told him how much of a monster he was … and that’s probably the reason he has not hovered – which I’m thankful for …because he knows I won’t come back… so I guess he doesn’t want to waste his time trying to win me back… I don’t know just feeling like I won’t ever find love again …

  32. You're right, I'm so agree what you've said. I'm basically found out my ex was a narcissist since I started search on internet about some keywords of her very confusing behavior when she's with me. And I quickly understand those bad feeling for my self is not my problem, it's her gaslighting… then only I started healing afterwards. Thank you very much for the information, god bless.

  33. The content of your postings are very informative as well as helpful. I am looking on your homepage for "one on one" Skype counseling. In this particular video, the topics covered seemed to align with the guy I am dating. Truth be told, he does not seem intelligent enough to plan this out. However, an example of his "joking" was his comments on the fact that I wore white jeans through most of the summer. Finally, I asked him why he kept making these passive aggressive jokes about white jeans in the summer. Fast forward to just recently, I endured more than an hour of "word salad". Sadly, I think that you and Jackson are onto something that can only be recognized with exposure. Thank you for all you do and your obvious commitment to the improvement of our mental health.

  34. I cant really listen to you, because i dont see kindness in your eyes. You look angry in every video.

    I also want to mention, that i have worked with BPD people, and i would say that 90% of them are codependent empaths, stuck in toxic relationships or families. These are people who often ignore their own needs, to be with others.

    I am not feeling comfurtable with you throwing out diagnosis like its candy, not really knowing what you are talking about. I just sence that there is something of about giving people diagnosis, without a proper setting.

    Just saying.

  35. Thanks so much! 💯✅ Spread the awareness people. It’s hard to wrap your head around that these parasites exist & destroy lives. 😡😪 Trying to heal….it’s hard !

  36. 12:52: sexual manipulation 14:20: when you're not giving them the admiration treatment…16:44: The grand finale:

  37. Okay, so I’ve been on this ride for a long time. My husband knows he’s abusive, and he attends a weekly batterer’s group. Here’s my question, you say this is narcissistic abuse, and not just regular abuse. I want to know, what is the difference? The reason I think it matters for me, is that like I said, he’s already admitted to abuse, but also, I keep reading that narcissists can’t change. His mother is surely one. If he is too, then it appears I’m wasting my time on this relationship, even though he’s admitted partial fault, and has changed some actions. Can you help me with this?

  38. Priceless knowledge!! This book, as well as all your videos!
    Wish I had this knowledge decades ago, as a teenager, when I started dating. It's unbelievable that it isn't common at all and not taught.
    Just some people that went through this hell and found this information are aware of this sickening dynamics!

  39. This is so exactly it. In my case it's impossible to end because the narcopath uses gov't surveillance equipment and alliances in influential positions in my business to constantly frame and harrass me, as well and triangulate and follow me, daily. I caught onto it years after it was already happenening and it's been years since I have wanted to get away. People have advised me to abandon everything and move somewhere distant. But this is a challenge when trying to recover from the PTSD and little funds or job prospects.

  40. It's like you followed me with a camera for the past 7 years! Despite an accurate description of our relationship, could it really be me in some twisted way? When I call her out, the typical responses are, "It's all in your head… Rule #1: Never bring up the past… There is no such thing as 'normal'… If you love me, support me even if it's sleeping with other men… You are not man enough to accept me for who I am… Etc." When things could no longer be ignored, she accused me of making her mad. After one especially memorable incident, I decided to leave blaming myself for her mental breakdowns. My life started to slowly get better! 6 months later (literally, in the middle of the night) she showed up at my doorstep and acted like nothing happened. We reunited and I was soon worse than before. BUT I STILL WONDER IF I AM THE DYSFUNCTIONAL ONE… I must need help.

  41. Dios mio! Finally a name ! I had a face ( the abuser) without a name i couldnt describe it or understand it myself
    ..thinking i was overreacting ..que hice mal que dije? Me prebuntava solo para quedarme "patinando" haora se qie realmente existe este problema k me ama hoy y manana me desea muerta. Dejando mi existencia devastadora mi alma y espiritu roto.. Que se diga de mi dignidad por los pisos para solo despertar con su dulsura y su arrepentimiento . Todavia no digeria el problema cuando entrava el segundo siempre sintiendo yo culpas ajenas…. Gracias senora por tomarse el tiempo por su paciencia su lealtad y el amor que brinda al ser humano es usted una hermosa persona por dentro como lo es por fuera. Soy mexicana yo trabajo con la raza y nuestra cultura no esta muy enterada de que" esto" tiene nombre y muchas mujeres aguantamos y aceptamos este tipo de abuso ! Mil gracias

  42. I thank God for this community and this information you all share. I had no idea until after the discard and once exposed to this information it was like a light shined. It has definitely help with my recovery. I don't know where I would have been without this information and community. So Thank You

  43. Well Merideth if doctors do not want to take care of them…they have this problem and until a doctor wants to be able to help them instead of dropping them off and attack the victim. Will we have these problems.
    It very wrong and sad. Yes this is what happens. Uprooted.
    Well it's been a Mind F..k since childhood.
    And since they lied about my birthdate…everything has been based on a lie. And its affected society in a way that if we do not know how to reprimand them The highest power will!

  44. Thank you for this precise descriptive explanation. I personally, experienced every stage of this type of abuse, and have been in recovery therapy every week, for the last ten months. Recovery has been the most difficult life-changing experience, but, so awakening, and transformative. I recommend EMDR therapy, with an experienced clinical psychologist, who will also become your advocate, confidant, educator, and protector. The good news is that though so much has been lost, a new path to an empowering happy life exists.

  45. Thanx Meredithfor such an insightful and inspirational video. 40 years I wasted and only found out about Narcopathy about 8 months ago. Such abuse and manipulation and cruelty. There was always a feeling of something being not normal about him, but I just called it eccentricity. He had me convinced to the last torturous moment of the discard,where he stuck around to watch me writhe, that I had a dark heart and a crummy way of seeing the world! Now that he is gone, I guess the new supply will be pointing out all the world s beauty for him to photograph, like I did. I m having lots of narcmares but I guess that’s part of CPTSD

  46. This is so crazy like you inside my house knowing what my child dad takes me through and i feel so addicted no matter how many times i let him go

  47. "Viva la revolucion" is a sentence associated to the genocide of hundred thousands latin americans in the hands of the nasty commies, the overt ones and convert ones. That is horribly ofensive and insensitive.
    Communism and socialism has brought nothing but extreme poverty, crime, death and degeneracy to Latin America.
    God Save America!

  48. I recommend this book:

    https://www.amazon.com/Political-Ponerology-Science-Adjusted-Purposes/dp/1897244258

    It is a must read. You will find that in terms of politics, the true narcopaths are the lefties (sjw) and their empty seductive promises and pleasure seeking doctrines. Don't be mad, but you must admit this similarities must not be just coincidence. Be aware of the Left game…

    Please, accept the advice and warnings of those who have suffer in the hands of these people. The author is polish.

  49. Thank God for all of you on YouTube… I had no idea what I had gone through until I started researching online. I was conned out of a LOT of money in a very short marriage – and after I announced I was done spending any more money – I was set aside with the trash. But first, he had to coerce a blow up reaction from me – in front of his surveillance – the cameras. It was an incredibly painful experience. Thank you Inner Integration for helping with my healing – not only with the educational aspects – but for sharing your own experiences.

  50. The Cluster B are actually demonic in spirit,….they are cold, know not love,…..and are out to destroy you.
    They act, imitate human emotion, it is only when you have been stung by one of these demons do you
    see what they really are. Find Jesus/God immediately, then cast them out of your life & never look back.
    God will heal your heart,….it is your heart that they use against you,….grow strong in love & be rid of them.

  51. Yes,healing is possible! For me,was very important to apply "grey rock method" or quit the narcissists of my life. Not easy. After that, became very clear about abuses and be centered upon My Truth. Must to became "solid rock" about abuses what happens. After that I feel I'm ready to stand up for me.

  52. I was living with a narc and he tried all these tricks, but once my eyes were opened, he didn’t get by with anything. The stories I could tell! I was a size 6 and he wanted me to lose weight. He asked me if I was upset bc I wanted to marry him and I answered NOOOO! Haha!

    I feel like I’m surrounded by narcs!

  53. Unbelievable!!!!! Seventeen years after I had a relationship with an extreme narcissist, Allison Wallace, Flight Centre P.R. manager if you can believe it!! That relationship is perfectly described herein!!
    So much pain for so long. Allison was in a relation with another man for almost our entire relationship and I never knew until a few years after. She violated me in every aspect of life.

  54. I am working so much right now to recover from this, it is wonderful to hear you speak about it exactly. I just downloaded the kindle book and look forward to hearing more of your vids. It is true I am so devastated and have no self worth. I am not sure that my therapist really understands what it has done to me. I think right now it is most important for her to understand that this is the reality of my life, the way I feel and react is very real to me. She wants to make me understand that I am experiencing distorted thinking and that may be true but how I feel and what I think is very real to me, I think I need that validation before I can finally break through into my healing. I go through the motions every day to function but inside I am completely broken

  55. Does anyone have a problem with accepting that they have actually engaged in this type of relationship? I find myself blaming myself because of my reaction to their behaviors. And for the fact that one of the last times we spoke he tried to tell me how much better the new target was and that all of his actions were cause because of my actions. I’ve been no contact for a year and I’ve been wrestling with acceptance of the abuse.

  56. This is a great example of what the heck is going on with these people and what they are doing , great job explaining !!!!

  57. You’re right – we got tricked!
    But what I can’t wrap my mind around is – WHY? Why would someone want to trick another person like that? What is the point of that? How does that bring joy? I don’t understand it at all!
    That is what keeps me stuck at this point- 7 months of no contact and I still can’t believe he never loved me and it was all a trick- that can’t be it- I just can’t Fucken understand that AT ALL. It’s horrible – plain horrible. I wish I didn’t have to believe that he’s that horrible at his core . It’s easier to believe that he’s broken but good at his core . That is something I can wrap my brain around but then again – that kept me stuck while I was in the relationship because I wanted to love him enough to save him – so I put myself and my needs aside FOR HIM and endured the abuse. I have to accept that he is this horrible person capable of these horrible acts – he’s not the sad yet harmless hopelessly in love with me faithful man that I thought he was. It’s not this “he and I” against the world like I invested in – he wanted to tear me down because it made him stronger – it’s just hard to understand because my brain doesn’t work that way.

  58. If she told you how poorly she treated her ex, leave no matter how much she tried to assure you you were much better. Because she would 100% do the same to you.

    If you are apologizing for everything, leave.
    1.She insulted me, I left her, she played victim saying that she couldnt control and didnt mean to hurt me, and then I had to apologize for leaving her and hurting her feeling, and ended up buying flower or gift to her.
    2. She went too close with her guy friends (we were doing lond d so I was clear about my boundaries) and I was the one who was yelled at for being insecure and disrepecting her friends. She would act super upset and disappointed at me and I had to apologize.
    3. We made a Christmas travel plan to X and she suddenly changed her idea that she wanted to go to Y, which was way more expensive. I told her we have to make decisions together and she would just got pissed and say I wasnt making enough money to give her a quality life, using breakup as the weapon if I dont compromise.

    Those were just some of the many situations where I had been confused, humuliated, and losing self-esteem. I broke up with her last weekend after five months bc I have been exhausted. Whats funny was that she insisted that she Dumped me. And I beg she is talking shit about me to her next target right now.

    I tried so hard to change her by empathizing her past trauma, her moodiness and teaching her the importance of communication. USELESS!

  59. As you went through the process I got so much anxiety. The hopelessness at the end is the worst. Thinking that they'll somehow give you closure after years of showing how little respect they towards you. I've never felt so insignificant and alone as I did when she discarded me.

  60. When I finally snapped and started screaming at him I couldn’t believe how relaxed he was. It was so bizarre. He was like see what you are doing. I’ve never done this to you. I’ve never yelled at you like this. Look at your issues. I was like uhhhh you literally drove me to this.

  61. Every time…The focus went away from 'THE' abuse to my response…THIS was the crazy-making that constantly had me second-guessing and wondering about my perception.

    I believe I could tell a story of an instance (or many multiples) of each point you described.

    I'm so Thankful for the community of people that help guide, direct, validate, confirm…with your videos as well as the comments.

    I always say I hate that we have these experiences in common and yet because we ultimately do, we can heal and be strengthened thru hearing and reading about others overcoming!

    Blessings UPON BLESSINGS to EVERYONE walking this walk and YOU ALL on the frontlines on our behalf.

    Thank You

    😂😄😊

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