Positive Russia News: Drugs OK at 2018 World Cup

Positive Russia News: Drugs OK at 2018 World Cup


LET’S TALK ABOUT WHAT IS GOING
ON IN THE WORLD. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MORE
DETAILS HAVE EMERGED AFTER WHITE HOUSE COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR
HOPE HICKS SUDDENLY RESIGNED YESTERDAY. APPARENTLY AFTER HOPE HICKS TOLD
CONGRESS THAT SHE LIED ON HIS BEHALF, THE PRESIDENT WAS SO
FURIOUS, HE BERATED HER AND DEMANDED THAT HICKS EXPLAIN HOW
SHE COULD BE SO STUPID. TO WHICH HOPE HICKS REPLIED, YOU
FIRST. TRUMP WAS REALLY UPSET THAT
HICKS ADMITTED TO TELLING WHITE LIES. AND THAT SEEMS TO BE THE REASON
THAT SHE LEFT THE WHITE HOUSE. MEANWHILE MELANIA WAS LIKE WAIT,
THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET OUT OF HERE? I’LL DO IT. ELYS ALL THE TIME. EYE WITNESSES SAY THAT HICKS
LEFT THE OVAL OFFICE IN QUOTES A PUDDLE OF TEARS. I MEAN THIS ADMINISTRATION
STARTED OUTLINING AN EPISODE OF HOUSE OF CARDS AND HAS DESOL
DEVOLVED INTO ONE LONG EPISODE OF THIS IS US. IN OTHER– THAT’S HOW I CRY. IN OTHER TRUMP NEWS AN ARTICLE
YESTERDAY REVEALED THAT PRESIDENT TRUMP HAS A NICKNAME
HE USES AROUND THE WHITE HOUSE FOR ATTORNEY GENERAL JEFF
SESSIONS. HE CALLS HIM MR. MAGOO. NOW FOR ANYONE UNFAMILIAR WITH
MR. MAGOO, CONGRATULATIONS, THIS MEANS YOU ARE YOUNG, YOUR WHOLE
LIFE IS AHEAD OF YOU. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DO KNOW
MR. MAGOO, IT IS PRETTY FUNNY. HERE ARE THE TWO SIDE-BY-SIDE. I THINK– I THINK HE’S MR. MAGOO
ON THE RIGHT, I THINK. I DON’T REALLY THINK IT’S FAIR. I DON’T THINK IT’S FAIR FOR
TRUMP TO CALL HIS OWN ATTORNEY GENERAL MR. MAGOO. I DON’T THINK IT’S FAIR. HE’S CLEARLY MORE OF A KEEB
LETTER ELF. — KEEBLER ELF. REALLY. (APPLAUSE)
AND THIS IS INTERESTING. ACCORDING TO A NEW ARTICLE FIRST
LADY MELANIA TRUMP WAS ABLE TO COME TO THE UNITED STATES IN
2001 AFTER SHE GOT HER GREEN CARD THROUGH A PROGRAM DESIGNED
FOR PEOPLE SPECIFICALLY WITH QUOTE EXTRAORDINARY ABILITY. NOW MANY PEOPLE ARE QUESTIONING
THIS. AND I WAS GOING TO SAY, SHE HAS,
SHE HAS PUT UP WITH DONALD TRUMP FOR 17 YEARS F THAT IS NOT
EXTRAORDINARY, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS. (APPLAUSE)
MELANIA RECEIVED HER GREEN CARD THROUGH A PROGRAM KNOWN AS THE
EINSTEIN VISA. SHE WAS DATING DONALD TRUMP AND
WORKING AS A SWIMSUIT MODEL AT THE TIME, YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE
ALBERT EINSTEIN. MELANIA PASSED THE EINSTEIN
CRITERIA TO GET A GREEN CARD MEANWHILE ERIC TRUMP IS STILL
TRAYING TO PASS THE READING TEST TO GET A LIBRARY CARD. ITS HE’S TRUE. AND WE HAD TO TELL YOU ABOUT
THIS, AFTER A NIGHT OF PARTYING WITH HIS FRIENDS AT WEST
VIRGINIA UNIVERSITY, A DRUNK MAN BLACKED OUT AND INSTEAD OF
TAKING HIS UBER BACK TO CAMPUS, HE ACCIDENTALLY TOOK A RIDE BACK
TO HIS HOUSE IN NEW JERSEY, AND THE RIDE COST HIM $1600. I MEAN AT LEAST HE REMEMBERED
HIS ADDRESS. I MEAN, HONESTLY, IN TERMS OF
THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU BLACK OUT IN WEST VIRGINIA, THIS
IS ACTUALLY ONE OF THE BEST OUTCOMES I’VE EVER HEARD. (APPLAUSE)
AND FINALLY RUSSIA IS GEARING UP TO HOST THE 2018 WORLD CUP. AND THIS IS CRAZY. ACCORDING TO RUSSIAN
REGULATIONS, FANS WILL BE ALLOWED TO BRING MARIJUANA AND
COCAINE INTO STADIUMS. NO, NO, NO. IMAGINE HOW MAD FANS GET WHEN
YOU SPILL THEIR NACHOS. NOW IMAGINE THEIR NACHOS ARE A
BAG OF COCAINE. SO THIS IS TRUE, YOU CAN ONLY
BRING THESE DRUGS IF YOU HAVE A DOCTOR’S PRESCRIPTION, WHO GETS
A PRESCRIPTION FOR COCAINE. ARE PEOPLE LIKE DOCTOR, I NEED
YOUR HELP, I’M JUST NOT ANNOYING ENOUGH AT PARTIES. (LAUGHTER)
I’M NOT TALKING NEARLY FAST ENOUGH. BUT IF YOU DO NEED ONE OF THESE
PRESCRIPTIONS, YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO DONALD TRUMP’S PERSONAL
PHYSICIAN HAROLD BORNSTEIN. HERE’S A PHOTO. THAT’S HIM. THAT’S TRUMP’S REAL DOCTOR AND
YES, HE DEFINITELY KNOWS A GUY WHO CAN GET YOU COCAINE. BUT IN LIGHT OF RUSSIA’S NEW
MORE LENIENT DRUG POLICY, FIFA HAS DECIDED THEY’VE ACTUALLY
DECIDED TO CHANGE THE NAME FROM THE WORLD CUP TO THE WORLD BOWL.

85 thoughts on “Positive Russia News: Drugs OK at 2018 World Cup”

  1. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜ΉπŸ˜Ή

  2. Ah.. sarcastic Russian culture… (I'm Russian) actually it was all about being on drugs by other sportsmen on Olympic but only we gained such an extra criticism…

  3. Iβ€˜m just disappointed where this show is heading. Itβ€˜s nothing special anymore same boring political not funny jokes as on Fallon or Kimmel, boring scripted conversations . Jees i miss Craig Ferguson

  4. Drugs are OK. Teams from British states are going to bring drugs in no-alcohol beer, as German team did on Olympic games, and only experts from Canada, Us, UK in WADA

  5. Eduardo Deliyannis

    No Russia is not allowing cocaine in the world cup: https://www.rt.com/sport/420247-fifa-2018-world-cup-drugs/

  6. Dr Mantis Toboggan

    America bombed our naval bases near wladivostok in the 50Β΄s, destroyed 114 jets, never heard of it right?
    something like this will never happen again
    touch one stone in russia and you will be destroyed

  7. β–‘β–’β–“β–ˆβ–Ίβ”€β• TRUMP'S COMING FOR YOUR GUNS β•β”€β—„β–ˆβ–“β–’β–‘

  8. I see Russians in this comment section asking why the world is picking on them.. I can only speak for myself but shooting down a civilian plane with around 300 innocent civilians from The Netherlands, Malaysia and Australia and taking no responsibility is my reason. Not even cooperating with the research.. Putin is a scumbagg.

  9. If you're looking for doctor to write you a prescription for cocaine, there may be side effects, and those side effects may include…. Laaaylaa!

  10. All(!) drugs are DECRIMINALIZED IN RUSSIA. You must have 100 kg of weed to go jail (or sell). 100 kg is the actuall number! There is a drug weight – degree of punishement chart. Police brutality was fixed too, I got caught 5 times and 2 times I even handt got any punishement. Yicket for up to 6 gramms of weed is like cost of 4g of weed.

  11. Thank you for pointing out that Melania actually got a visa called "Einstein Visa"I have been fuming over that since forever.

  12. I love how making fun of ordinary people’s private lives is considered disgusting and when it’s the private life of a celebrity or politician it’s considered hilarious. Nice one. Let’s talk about your cholesterol level.

  13. Benjamin Istvan Cseko

    So…a Brit moves to America, tackles all challenges of trying to be funny and popular — and ends up being unfunny, irrelevant and, basically, a media whore. But, James, let's look on the bright side: You're rich.

  14. Wow it’s so funny that even talk shows like this fat obese maggot talks shit about Russia.

    Seriously if the guy dies a heart attack or if America or UK blow its self up then I’m glad the West is dead.

  15. Drugs at the world cup 2018?! Man things have changed since they used to sell concessions at the world cup. My favorite is the popcorn and soda! πŸ₯

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