Nothing to Regret – small bad habits cause lifelong regrets | Iman Aghay | TEDxStanleyPark

Nothing to Regret – small bad habits cause lifelong regrets | Iman Aghay | TEDxStanleyPark


Translator: Lena Clemente
Reviewer: Denise RQ Have you ever wanted
to say something, but you didn’t because you were afraid of
being judged or getting rejected? Have you ever done something
that you didn’t want to only because of others expectations? Have you ever missed out
on being with your family and friends because you were working
for too many hours? Nine out of ten people regret
something big in their lives. Think about that; nine out of ten people regret something big in their lives. Many of these regrets are caused
by our own small daily choices, and when we make these choices
on a regular basis, they turn into regret-causing bad habits. We spend far too many hours
on social media checking fun profile after the next one, video share this, share that,
and then hours are gone. We watch for too much TV. An average adult watches
five hours of TV every day. We keep buying things
that we don’t even need because there are great deals
and there are sales. Among us, there is a small group of people who had a unique life-changing experience that helped them dump
the regret-causing bad habits one by one, and very quickly. I hope you never experience
what these people experienced, but learn from the lessons they learned. Here is why: the first step
of this experience requires you to end up on your deathbed; the second step is asking yourself three most common questions
asked on a deathbed; and the third step
is to survive your deathbed to apply the lessons learned. Let’s skip step one and three, and just simply ask ourselves the three most common questions
asked on a deathbed. How do I know these questions? One day in October 2010,
I started bleeding internally. I was rushed to the hospital where doctors realized
I lost 60% of my blood, but they couldn’t find
the source of the bleeding so they couldn’t stop it. I was literally bleeding dry. I was told in a way
I may not see the next day. That was a heck of a wake-up call. When I was growing up,
my dad was an entrepreneur, and he was a very good entrepreneur, but he used to work really, really hard
although we were living in the same home. There were times that I hadn’t seen
my dad for three months in a row because he would leave home
before we woke up, and he would come back home
after we went to sleep, but he had a plan. He wanted to retire at age 53
and go enjoy his passion which was traveling
the world, with my mom, going to Europe, and Africa, and Asia,
and see the wonders of the world so we’re very happy for him. We were like, “Work hard and retire early and go do whatever you want
to do in your life.” But when my dad turned 50, he was diagnosed with a disease called ALS also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease. ALS in most cases kills the patient
within three to five years. When my dad turned 53, he passed away; he never retired,
he never enjoyed his life. He died with massive regrets. My dad’s premature death made me decide
to never postpone my happiness. And there I was, right before my 27th birthday,
on my own deathbed. That showed me life can be really short, and it can end at any point
with no announcement. As I was lying on my deathbed,
holding my wife’s hand, looking at her, knowing that this can be
one of our last moments, I started asking myself
the first question: what would I regret if I died today? According to the author of the top
five regrets of the dying, Bronnie Ware a palliative care nurse who asked
hundreds of people on their deathbed about their biggest regrets in their life, here are the top five regrets
of the dying, “I wish I had lived a life true to myself not a life that others expected of me,” “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard,” “I wish I had expressed my feelings,” I wish I’d stayed in touch with friends,” and “I wish I had let myself be happier.” What would you regret if you died today? Remember, many of these regrets
are caused by our own small daily choices. When we are engaged
in unfulfilling bad habits, we take away the chance
from being engaged in things that help us to overcome our regrets. As far as I know,
no one has ever been dying and said, “I wish I checked
my social media accounts more often,” “Wait a second, death.
I want to check my social media.” No one has ever been
on their deathbed and saying, “I wish I’d watch more TV,” and no one has ever died saying,
“I wish I’d bought more stuff.” The cause of many of our regrets is being engaged in
unfulfilling bad habits. As I was lying on my deathbed thinking about the things
that would regret, I started asking myself
the second question, “What did I make of my life?” If you die today, this very day, would you be happy with
what you’re going to leave behind? I realized I wasn’t happy
with the way that I was living, I realized I had a desire
to impact this world in a much bigger way, I wanted to touch hundreds
of thousands of people’s lives, I wanted to inspire more people,
I wanted to help more people; more importantly, I wanted
to live a life true to my heart. If we don’t plan and act
on the life of our dreams, we end up settling for a life
that happens to us. Sit relaxed on your chair,
and close your eyes; take a deep breath,
put your hand on your heart, feel your heartbeat,
and ask yourself this question: am I living a life true to my heart? If we don’t plan and act
on the life of our dreams, we will end up settling
for a life of many regrets. Open your eyes. In the end, this comes down
to our small daily choices. Whenever you are making
a decision, ask yourself whether or not that decision
contributes to your dream, and if you don’t know the baby steps
that take you to your dream, that’s your first step. Figure out the baby steps
that will lead to your dream. Get a mentor, read a book, take a course, give it a few days
of your undivided attention, hustle for it until you figure out the steps, and if you fail, which you will,
it’s OK, it’s OK; just continue hustling until you bring
your dream into reality. Back at the hospital. As the time passed,
my bleeding stopped on its own, just out of luck, and after receiving
five bags of blood transfusion which was half of what I needed
and all they could give me, I started having a little bit of hope
that I may survive my deathbed today so I started asking myself
the third question, “What would I change
if I survived my deathbed today?” Most people think that death is scary, but many survivors say
they weren’t scared of dying; they were scared of losing
everything that mattered to them including their family,
their future, their dreams, everything they had worked hard for. Change is hard because with change comes loss; loss of the past situation,
loss of comfort at a certain level, loss of security of some sort. But to a person who just experienced losing everything, and I mean
everything, including their life, there is no loss; that is scary. That’s why people
who survive their deathbed turn into unstoppable regret-causing
bad-habit dumping machines. So I ask you this question:
what habits must you change that are standing
between you and your dreams? Make a list of those bad habits and start changing them
and dumping them one by one. Doctors didn’t find out why I bled in the first place
and the source of my bleeding until two years later
when I was diagnosed with cancer. I beat my cancer and have been living cancer-free
for the past four years. (Applause) But more importantly,
ending up on my deathbed made me start living
a life true to myself. I was released from the hospital
the day before my 27th birthday, and since then, I’ve seen
every single morning as a gift; a gift that can shape the rest of my life. I want you to realize
that this moment is a gift, is a gift that you can use
to shape the rest of your life. It’s your choice. In the end, this comes down
to our small daily choices. Don’t be one of the nine out of ten people
who regret something big in their lives, and please, please don’t wait until you end up on your deathbed. You may not be one
of the lucky people who survive it. Take action now, take action today, and change the one habit
that will cause your biggest regret if you died tonight. (Applause)

100 thoughts on “Nothing to Regret – small bad habits cause lifelong regrets | Iman Aghay | TEDxStanleyPark”

  1. 2%, 1.9% to be exact, of the fifty thousand views left a 'Like' on this video. The five people I've sent it to, none of the five wanted to discuss it. Four of the five was depressed by it….. everyone has to get to this place themselves, can't force it.

    I'm grateful my road led me here. I was dropping bad habits over the past year slowly and surely. In the past couple weeks since seeing this, it's been a massacre. I am so grateful for the good people of TED, who by all appearances just want to make the world better. I hope I find the words to pass it forward myself one day.

    Great Stuff

  2. What a great talk..!! Sobering, honest questions that everyone should be asking themselves.. But of course, it isn't so simple.. Most people don't know what they're passionate about in life, what they're willing to fight for, what they're willing to die for.. They're too busy making money, making ends meet, surviving and existing, too tired to question the important things in life. Their purpose, TRUE purpose, their motivation day after day.. Their beliefs and passions.. Goals, dreams, aspirations.. I think most people want to help others in some way, but feel they can't, not enough time, not enough money, not enough energy, not smart enough, simply don't know how.. Start with yourself and find your purpose..

  3. I said it six months ago and I'll say it again now:

    This video has changed my life forever. Thank you YouTube, thank you TedTalks, and foremost thank you Iman Aghay.

  4. I have watched dozens of teds talk that are amazing and have change me for good but this one has touch my core and encourage me for a life changing, thank you!! And will be great for my patients and clients.

  5. "Take action today and change the one habit that will cause your biggest regret if you died tonight" —- A very powerful quote to reflect on. I thought about this and quickly came to the conclusion that a very bad habit of mine is always being scared of everything and being confident. Mostly in social situations. I cannot hold a conversation with people and it drives me crazy. How would i go about fixing this?

  6. The only thing more amazing than Iman's story, is what he has done since this experience. I first met him at Pure Potentials speakers conference in Phoenix this past October and was blessed to attend his recent conference in Vancouver. True to his promise, he is making a difference in entrepreneurs lives, one life at a time.
    Thank you Iman and team for the amazing work you are doing, and the encouragement and direction you provide for all of us!

  7. Regrets are a waist of time.
    I live in the NOW, I do not wonder what if, I never look back, same with friendships. If someone do not want to be my friend it's just fine by me. Same goes when I terminate a friendship, and if I do that is because someone has disappointed me more than once.
    I only regret one thing, once I worked at a place with a mean old woman who was talking behind my back, and one day she screamed at me during work……and that was her mistake. I said a few things to her, and she couldn't get over her big EGO, and told the manager that she wasn't sleeping well because what I said to her. Now the manager asked me, to please apologized to her, because she was old and was still up set about what I told her.
    Well, he brought his plea in such a way that I felt sorry and agree to apologize against my inner voice telling me not to!
    And well…..I have learned that I should never ever apologized, against my will.
    I hope somebody reading this, will learn something.
    Never ever ever apologize against your feelings.
    Apology must come from the heart….the reasoning of your mind and heart together in balance.

  8. Regret I have just one!!!!
    Apologizing after I told an old mean woman exactly what I think she is, after she screamed at me during work!!!
    Never ever apologize if your heart tells you not to!
    Not even if they try to brainwashed you with psychological manipulation to feel guilty about something you did or said.
    That is the lesson I learned….never ever again!

  9. Looking for a sponsor……I want to start a Radio Station where I can be the voice of everyone's consciousness. I bet it will be a unmeasurable hit of all times.
    And everybody is allowed to call me and tell me what they think of me, and the one with the most original opinion will win a one year long meditation class and free therapy to help them get over issues.
    Ohhhhh……I will definitely have a horoscope section too……oh….you will be amazed about the revelations!!!!
    I will also need a body guard, because people like to diss out but not to take in!

  10. Валентин Митев

    I have watched a lot Ted Talks videos, but this one is the best one, and i am standing behind my words. That is a LITERALLY eyes opening speech. Thanks!

  11. sorry for your dad. our real life sometimes make us go wrong way. But when I hear your talk, I know that I should look back my past and find out what really important for all my life. That is my dream work, my freedom to live mylife. Thanks for your share !

  12. I want to realise that moment is a gift for the last of my life. Take action now, take action today. Dont delay !

  13. I was expecting that I would be able to watch full video without a lot of notes. I wanted to write down the most important notes at the end of video but I writed down every single word in my development book. This is definitely the best and the most important video in my life. Thanks to Iman Aghay!

  14. i am someone who has died and come back. That story i wont go into here. Elements in this Ted talk message here are nonsense. When you die, you are given a chance to accept, appreciate, and let go of everything your life was made of. I knew at that time it happened to me, if i carried on like this guy insist with regrets and so forth, it would have been a horrible experience, and who knows what that may have meant within an after life spiritual sense. When I died i realised I potentially had an opertunity to see that whatever has happened here…STAYS HERE….and its time to let go and move on……simple, to the point, and at that time i knew this was the road and i took it. I was revived by medical professionals, which again is its own amazing story. Trying to insight the kind of worry that this video relies on to sell his coaching business is vampiric in the true sense of that word. Lives are lives of all kinds for all reasons and all deserve dignity….he could of spoken about that and would have gained my respect……..though sure, the message that we can always aim for the essence of life more and more is important in whatever model that is understood by a person. Thing is my Grandmother found it more than any other person i ever met. She wasn't on some hedonistic self obsessed peak experience journey. She cared for 3 kids in a working farming family who were poor and never moved out of the area they were born in. But if your looking for someone who found self and life dignity and love within the essential circumstances life had presented her, you never needed to look any further, ever…….this kind of message is missing from a talk like this…..

  15. Beautiful it is! Thanks for delivering this talk, sharing your experiences. I promise myself to leave behind old bad habits.

  16. I feel you all. All comments are felt here. Thank you to the video and all of you. Let's get out there and push for laughter, fun, love , empathy and good vibrations. Amen.

  17. Reading is Magic! TV

    Seeing each day as a gift that you can use to affect the rest of your life is a wonderful affirmation. Gratitude is the attitude! Thank you for sharing.

  18. If there's one thing I don't regret is watching good Youtube videos. I learn a lot on this platform. We just need to know when to stop.

  19. This has and will forever change my life and has saved me from the regret and sadness that has been taking over my life for the past 3 yrs. 15 minutes of heartfelt common knowledge conversation, delivered to me just when I needed it most.

  20. I just got fired and I can't believe how much I needed that to happen and this talk made me realize I can move on to my dream

  21. This video is so powerful and moving. It is one thing to hear the lessons of this talk, another to hear personal stories that bring it to life. I feel like Mr. Aghay gave me permission to dream, to put the daily grind on hold and revisit the "bucket list." It's amazing how grown adults need to be reminded that we have the power to bring our hopes and dreams to reality — to get off autopilot and live with intention. Thank you for this talk and I hope today Mr. Aghay is cancer free and healthy.

  22. I don't get it at 8:03
    : "The cause of many regrets is being engaged in UNFULFILLING BAD HABITS" ??? was it my ear?

  23. wow…. it just hit so so so deeeep in my heart and soul truly… thank u love u iman sir for this ….. my life has changed today…for sure

  24. I have been cancer free for 7 years and I don't think about it much. From now on, each day I wake up, I will get on my knees and thank the Almighty and rejoice in my Blessings. And watch less TV.

  25. I'd regret having not accomplished many of my very large numbers of goals in life to help humanity. Know what's gonna keep me from achieving these goals? Living a life of happiness, NOW. I have every intention to enjoy my life, but i'm working so hard now so i can enjoy 70+ years of quality time, not going to a job i hate to slowly save up money so i can retire in mediocrity around 60, but hey at least i had fun on the weekends sometimes? no, not me, not yet.

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