My First Sober Date (Drug Addict Storytime)

My First Sober Date (Drug Addict Storytime)

a lot of people trying to get sober or
first getting sober or wondering what it’s like to date when you get sober
well in this video I’m gonna talk about my first sober date and you’re not gonna
want to miss it so stay tuned what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired
soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and this is
another video for my broken picker series so make sure you check out the
whole playlist because it’s all about relationship stuff and about how we
often put ourselves in bad situations when it comes to relationships so like I
mentioned in this video I’m gonna talk about my very first date when I got
sober and just because there’s not really a place for me to plug this into
the story I’m gonna make it very clear very very clear there’s gonna be points
in this story where you’re gonna be like hey Chris but did you sleep with her and
the answer is no I did not all right so just get that out of her head right now
alright so let’s dive into this thing so the year was 2012 and I had destroyed my
life because of my drug addiction because of my alcoholism I was trying to
get back up on my feet and I kept hearing in meetings don’t date your
first year don’t date your first year don’t date your first year so when I
finally got a sponsor I was like hey dude what’s all this stuff I keep
hearing about not dating your first year and my sponsor looks me straight in the
eye and he’s like yo it doesn’t say anything about that in any of the
literature and I’m like okay cool this guy’s given me a pass to date so I ran
with it now here’s something to take into consideration my whole life I had
always had to be in a relationship I was always looking for someone to fill that
hole inside of me much like we often do with drugs and alcohol so it was very
uncomfortable for me to be single or alone or you know I didn’t know how to
sit with those feelings that’s why I try to teach all of you beautiful people how
to do that to avoid some toxic relationships so one of the issues that
many of us have when we first get clean is how are we going to date when we’re
clean and sober because for me that was one of my reservations like how am I
supposed to take a woman out on a date if we don’t go out and have drinks like
that’s the only way my brain knew how to go out on a date was to go to a bar and
have some drinks so I was like how am I going to do that but some of
you out there might be worried too about how are you supposed to really tell
somebody that you’re sober or that you’re clean that’s one of the reasons
why so many people date inside of the rooms or I have people at my rehab we
try to hook up and stuff because we’re worried about what’s going to happen
when we tell somebody oh by the way I’m a recovering drug addict oh I’m a
recovering alcoholic and if you wanted to do a more dedicated video on that
subject leave a comment down below but anyways that was one of my concerns so
because of all the anxiety I had and everything like that when I got clean I
decided to hit up the online dating scene so I hopped on AB site plenty of
fish and OkCupid and things like that and I was talking to some people and I
ended up coming across this young woman and we were talking and sometime in the
conversation I was like yeah by the way I’m sober now I don’t drink or use drugs
and she’s like oh well I actually used to be a drug and alcohol abuse counselor
and I’m like oh sweet this girl knows what I’m going through she understands
so now I don’t got to worry about her judging me or anything like that I’m
like beautiful this is a match made in heaven
so some time later she tells me that she smokes pot and I said okay I don’t care
that’s cool I smoke all the pot you want all I ask is that you don’t smoke around
me like I was early in recovery maybe three or four months and I never liked
weed but I don’t care if other people smoke weed but I was so new I was I
don’t smoke weed around me you know and even now a five and a half years it’s
not like I’m I’m going to houses where people are like hotbox and you know cars
and rooms and stuff like that like but anyways I just asked her don’t smoke
around me and she’s like yeah cool whatever so things are going great
finally it’s like hey let’s hang out so we were gonna hang out she invites me
over to her place because I lived with like my mom or something like that so
she invites me over to her place and I okay cool I’ll come over there so I head
over to her place now I’m gonna pause this story real quick I want to make it
very clear in my early recovery I was not the person I am now so I’m gonna say
some things that might sound mean or judgmental but I’m a lot more tolerant
of people today so I just wanted to take a break
and say that real quick so the first thing that I noticed was this is
something that happens sometimes when you do the online dating thing this girl
did not look like her pictures at all like oh okay now throughout this story I
want you to take into consideration like the self-awareness that we have to get
when we get clean so one of the things that I notice like by the way like I
don’t know I’m not huge on my you know I’m not looking for some paper-thin girl
or anything like that but it’s just like don’t lie to me like if your pictures
don’t look like you like you already lied to me right so she was a little bit
bigger and stuff I’m cool with that but I’m just like right but one thing that I
noticed is my bar – my bar for physical looks changes now that I’m clean right
because when you’re drunk when you’re high like you lower your standards quite
a bit okay you know what I can get past this and I just kind of kept it to
myself I noticed when I am sober I have a much
lower tolerance for annoying people like this girl annoyed the hell out of me she
would not stop talking and it was just about the dumbest things the dumbest
things I’m like oh my god and I noticed that when I’m high or when I’m drunk
like if I took a girl out on a date to the bar and it was our first date like
she could be as annoying that she wanted to and it’s like yeah yeah just keep
yapping away and I could just sit over here and get drunk like I can tolerate
people more when I’m drinking so you know there was a physical aspect and
then there was just the conversational aspect where I noticed like being sober
like I have higher standards right so well hanging out and you know it was it
was alright it wasn’t fantastic but then all of a sudden she leans over to the
side of the couch and all of a sudden boom she pulls out a gigantic bong okay
she pulls out a gigantic bomb and I’m just frozen I’m like is this is this
real life is this happening and she proceeds to you know just light it up
and just take a huge bong rip from this ball and I’m sitting there like I asked
one thing one thing that was it so now I’m mad
so if any of you out there like people-pleaser you have social anxiety
we get stuck in those situations well it’s like we want to leave but we don’t
know how to say we want to leave and that’s kind of well suck so I ended up
staying there for hours hours just not knowing how to leave properly and it was
awkward and it was dumb and eventually I made I was like okay I’m tired I’m gonna
leave right and like I think I might have given her a hug I laughed and I I
drove home and like all my roommates are waiting they’re like dude how was your
first date how was your first date sober how was it and I was furious I was
furious I’m like I was like not only did she like take pictures that didn’t look
like herself she was annoying as hell and I was like an can you believe it she
started smoking pot right in front of me I’m a recovering drug addict and she
started smoking me weed and I was furious I was so mad and then I pretty
much just go sit her I just stopped talking to her right but much like with
our addiction I took a little time off and then a day two days three days went
by and all of a sudden I’m sitting there thinking you know I start getting lonely
again and I’m like you know what maybe she wasn’t that bad maybe I’m like
judging her a little too harshly maybe she wasn’t that annoying and maybe she
forgot that I asked her not to smoke weed maybe you know we make these
justifications in these rationalizations right it’s kind of like when we get
higher drunk like we can completely have a terrible blackout night before and the
next day we’re like you know what it wasn’t that bad so I hit her up and said
oh yeah sorry I’ve been busy hey let’s go hang out again right and we set up a
time and she was totally cool with it and I go back over to her house and I’m
going to save you some of the agony the exact same thing happened she annoyed
the hell out of me and later on that night she ended up smoking weed right in
front of me again and that’s what I just started laughing at myself I just
started laughing that I put myself back into this situation you know what I mean
so that was my first sober dating experience so needless to say I kind of
go sit here again because I didn’t really know how to break things off so I
just kind of left the picture all right but anyways anyways the more of this
story for anybody out there is not only was that
my first dating experience and I just had to look back and laugh and say maybe
this is why people tell you not to date your first year but I will make another
video on this I promise you about how I just sat back and I watched tons and
tons of my friends get into relationships and they all crashed and
burned so spoiler alert I ended up staying single for my first year and a
half sober alright bye anyways that was the first sober date that I went on
you’re welcome I’m glad you sat around and listen to me
sisters share that and here’s what I want to do if you’re somebody in
recovery let me know where your first dating experience was like down in the
comments below alright I’m really interested to see
what you guys got but anyways that’s all the time I got so if you like this video
please give it a thumbs up and if you are new here make sure you click that
little round subscribe button cuz I’m always making videos to help you out
with addiction recovery as well as your relationships and mental health you want
to check out some other videos click or tap on one of those thumbnails thanks so
much for watching I’ll see you next time

7 thoughts on “My First Sober Date (Drug Addict Storytime)”

  1. Please do a dedicated video about how to be open about sobriety and ways I can explain being a recovering alcoholic without feeling shameful or embarrassed. These situations can be a random stranger, an employer, someone even from church. I am Catholic who attends mass weekly. A Catholic who doesn't drink alcohol is already a small number. I have been sober for 6 months and I have seen some toxic stuff at AA regarding relationships and recovery. I understand 12 step is not meant to be a huck up fest but I still get disgusted when I see it. I understand why makes sponsor males and females likewise.

  2. You should make a video about different ways to cope besides relapsing.When I was having bad day or dealing with something I would just get high but now I really don't know what to do. I have tried breathing exercises and stuff but that doesn't seem to work well for me. What do you do?

  3. I am 6 months clean! Yay and i jumped into a relationship, after talking for 3 weeks and we met on P.O.F.. I was thinking "is he the one, i never felt like this before" he's a firefighter and a EMS, best conversation ever, but when i met him his pics looked different as well he was big and tall but its cool i like a guy that enjoys a meal and knows how to cook 😏 but the honeymoon phase ended quicker than it started. He had 2 family members that died in the same week so he was venting to me which made me go into a full blown P.A.W.S episode! After the burial of his family members i started becoming irritated with him for everything, i realized all his flaws times 10. His personality was selfish and he like talking about his car and his job. Which makes me feel worse my car ls broken and thanks to my addiction i lost my job so that triggers anxiety and depression at the same dam time. I want to break up with him but i think he needs me emotionally right now. And my anxiety makes me scared to say anything! I might just ghost him myself and not look back. I advice everyone to wait until that year is over because your brain needs time to get back into homeostasis while being clean don't trust your feelings right now!….

  4. leroy washington

    Plz make videos about how and when to open up about our pasts wen dating also about way to do wen we r bored,mad etc that can help to not use. I just saw ur videos today they r helpful thank u so much

  5. Don't ever try and have a one night stand sober, regardless of how long you're sober. I tried that and she was instantly trying to get me to catch feelings. Needless to say I did and as soon as I did, she wrecked my heart. Then as I was rebuilding she came back, we started dating again and she would get touchy Feely at restaurants and dinners with my family. I tried fighting her off because mind you I was 24 barely had sex for my first time the year before let alone being sober for 2.5 years and It was weird because I was trying to be better and then one day she tells me she's going back to her ex that she originally left me for in beginning. So I finally stood up and said I'm done. She was also the first girl who ever bought me a gift on my birthday and I straight up cried. But when we broke up I was heartbroken and doubting everything I did. But I made some foolish mistakes, I quit taking my meds a year before, then after a year of the break up I went back out and relapsed for a year. I'm definitely not dating until after I have 1 year.

  6. my past dating experience is mostly go get a bag of dope and get high and nod out while watching a movie or something. i also have never been a fan of drinking. so i have stayed single for about the last 2 years or so since i quit using heroin. though i think it is more like i am just waiting for the right person to come as if something did happen i would go with it, but i have really not made any effort into meeting any girls. i feel like it would be very awkward dating sober….i am a lot like you in the regard that if i am on a date and it is not going well i will continue to play it out rather than risk the extremely awkward situation of telling the girl there is a problem and i am going to have to end the date. perhaps one day i will meet a girl strange enough to be with me.

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