Josh S – Confused kid. Part of me enjoyed the sexual abuse – Come on let’s go

Josh S – Confused kid. Part of me enjoyed the sexual abuse – Come on let’s go


I remember walking on a bridge in New York
City, hearing an evil presence. A voice, and just looking over that bridge, saying, “Jump It’ll be all over.” I know this now as a counselor, I know that it was just a lot of the hurt just kind of being exhibited. I was about six or seven years old, and an
adult started touching me and making me touch them. It really shocks the far out of you. You feel dirty. You feel confused. At the same time, I do feel at fault sometimes because you’re feeling good sometimes, and don’t really understand, like I said, sexuality, in this context, at that age. As I got older and started studying counseling, I was
able to confront the perpetrator face-to-face. I said this, and I remember saying this, and I think it was a release for me. I said “I’m a whole lot bigger now, and I know you have kids.” Of course when I confronted this person, they started denying it. Of course, I was just real detailed and said, “We were in the bathroom. We were here You gave me candy. You told me this is normal. It’s not! I remember you making me take a shower afterward. I remember all those things. The reason I’m coming out is it is a burden being lifted off of me, number one and because you have kids because I love your kids. If you ever touch your kids the way you hurt
me.” I wish I could say I blessed him, but I basically just wanted him to know, “I know what you did to me, and it was wrong, but what you
did to me is not going to keep me down. It hurt me. It affected my identity. It gave me some struggles, as far as sexuality is concerned, what to believe and how to believe and so forth. A lot of anger, hostility” So I needed to forgive him. I remember the conversation because I told him, “Even if you don’t ask for forgiveness, I’m forgiving you anyway.” I left there feeling good, but I felt confused as
well because the person that was supposed to love me, of course, hurt me. You want them to say, “Well, I’m sorry.” You know, and of course, at that moment, it didn’t happen, but a few weeks down the road, they pulled me aside, and they said that they were sorry after thinking about it. So I think after me letting this person know, “I’m
not here to hurt you. I’m here to let you know that I forgive you. That as tough as it is for me, I love you, and
I want you to get well.

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