Iyanla Cautions an Abuse Survivor Against Turning Her Pain into a Cause | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

Iyanla Cautions an Abuse Survivor Against Turning Her Pain into a Cause | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN


-Had the molestation never happened, who would you be? -I don’t know. -Mm. So the pain is giving you purpose. -Yeah. -Not gonna go too far on that. What’s clear to me is that you’ve made issue of molestation. Has become the cause or the purpose of your life. The challenge that I see with that is the in order for you to fulfill your purpose, you have to stay broken. -Mmhm. -What hurts you now? -It still hurts, about my mom. -She fed me to the wolves. -That’s what it feels like. -And that’s why I go so hard with my own daughter. Because I knew that before I even got pregnant, no matter if I had a girl or a boy, I was going to teach them about their body soon as they were able to learn. -Is this teaching them about their body? Or is this understanding a pathology on the history within a family structure that may have nothing to do with you? -Yes. -I mean, one doesn’t superceed the other, children need to learn about the body. But is this to do with their body, or is this about the disfuntion of your family? Although miss Alicia has spent her time trying to channel her pain into something positive, she needs to heal herself before she can help others. Because right now she doesn’t even know who she is. Listen to me, I’ve gotta invest in you as an elder, because you are raising somebody’s mother and somebody’s wife. And since we know you’re coming from a pathology of disfunction, I don’t want you to pass that on to her. Yeah, and baby here’s the truth, you’ve done the best you could and now you here and we gonna do better, how about that? Yeah, you’re not alone this time. -Yeah, there it is, come on, let it come up. -Use your mouth, and what does it wanna say, and it don’t have to make sense. It don’t have to make sense, come on, it don’t have to make sense, yeah. -I’m so mad for being in a disfunctional family. The abuse has just affected my whole life I was just insecure and I’m still insecure and I’ve just felt so lost but I won’t lie I’ve never knew who Alicia was. -And I think that you’ve spent so much time looking out that you haven’t really taken the time to look in. It causes you to use other people and their pain to avoid and deny your own. Here’s another thing I want you to consider, telling a story about something, isn’t the same thing as sitting in it and healing it. I think you’ve been telling a story, and I want to be with you as you sit in it and heal it. My intention for you is that when we separate from one another a few days from now, is that you will know who you are without your pain.

94 thoughts on “Iyanla Cautions an Abuse Survivor Against Turning Her Pain into a Cause | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN”

  1. "I was lost my whole life" bless her!! I felt her pain from my own life when she said that!! All this dysfunction and pain people are in on the planet, its a shame Miss Iyanla can't help us all!!! I could do with one of those cuddles!!! xx

  2. It so unbelievably true that telling the story is not the same as sitting in it and healing it. Ive experienced that firsthand she is so so insightful and right

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

  4. I love it when she nurtures them. You can tell that's what they really needed and wanted. God bless that beautiful mama and Mama Iyanla.

  5. I love how Iyanla held her, and she was finally able to let it out. That she was angry, she was hurt, and Iyanla listened to her and encouraged her. I hope that young girl finds peace

  6. Thats poor girl need psycholical help badly!!! Iyanla can only help so much she needs to get healing from all the hurt her mom has caused her and her monster grandpa!!! I hope she can heal and live her life how she she wants to be a better person.

  7. “To know who you are without your pain”, she is a truly gifted woman. It’s just astounding how insightful she is

  8. Her mother is scary. How do you do that to someone? I would never do that to anyone's kid. Just drop her off to child molester. 😤😤😤😤😤🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

  9. I’m glad she’s getting the healing that she needs. I agree with Iyanla that the way she went about it was off. Especially the blackmailing and extortion part, that’s a crime also. Either you want the person to pay by going to prison or you want to benefit from it.

  10. Yeah I remember learning in college studying the field of Social Work and WAS saddened 2 know that 'as young as 6wks old in the crib IF sexually violated the person IS traumatized 4ever'😥😢

  11. The Queen and Her castle...

    I love the way she was able to get her to see her truth and how manipulating behaviors are causing more harm. I pray that healing process will allow this woman to do great things with genuine motives.

  12. I saw Tina Turner is in the press again. Discussing what almost drove her to suicide. I just thought, Lady why are you bringing up the past again? Don't you get tired of living in the past dysfunction? It's in the past right? What he did to you? Don't you want to stop giving your power over to him by telling this story? Aren't you in a better place and have so many more positive things to discuss. I'm learning to just walk away from toxic people and make my own way. It's not always easy, but be the person you want today and tell that side of the story.

  13. I got molested at 4yrs old by a cousin. It got swept under the rug. Im better mama. I protected my girls. My grandbaby got rape few mo ago by her cousin on her dad side. I feel like killing the girl whike family. I reliving being 3yrs old.

  14. Támara Hill, MS NCC CCTP LPC

    So sweet Iyanla. I love these moments with my clients/patients, especially my children and teens. Sometimes a caring motherly hug/touch can heal in and of itself.

    The power of touch is amazing. One of the reasons I've written about its therapeutic value. Glad to see it done here.

  15. I feel like Society does this in a way now. Instead of teaching ppl to heal themselves first its all about “telling my story to help others” …constantly rehashing and wallowing in a negative experience is NOT conducive to you or anyone else. The analogy I think of is always the in-flight instruction one: “We ask that you do not attempt to assist anyone else before yourself” that is applicable to life in general. Every traumatic experience in our lives doesnt need to be exploited and monetized.

  16. That's an interesting insight. When you focus on the pain, rather than the healing, you create more of it. It's that universal law of attraction that is expressed in the saying "what you focus on increases." Focusing on healing is a better option, because you are being intentional about being whole and complete. But then again, focusing on healing requires there to be something to heal from, which I guess brings you back to pain and heartache. I have created a vision to realize extreme joy-filled vitality, and self mastery so that I can be my best self, realize and share all of my gifts and abilities and leave something significant in the world that affects social justice for the upcoming generations. And as I work toward that goal, I find myself having to learn and grow past my hurts, past my pain, and past my limitations which have turned out to be the gems that make me stronger, more dynamic and beautiful than before. #Thrive #JourneyInsideMyself #HealingJourney

  17. I like Iyanla but I totally disagree with the way she talked and went in on the Victim. Not once did she address the fact that those 2 lumps of nothing failed this child. I wish she would've told her father maybe that sick disgusting old sagging ball abomination pervert could've been off the earth. Young lady social media is a platform to do as you please keep sharing your story and protecting your daughter. You broke the family cycle of sexual molestation. Unlike the one who gave you life. Sick when the adults cared more about hurting each other's feelings than protecting you. Everyone handles trauma differently so there's no right way to do so. Keep your head up and stay blessed

  18. I discovered Alicia's story last year and it really helped me to move forward with my own life. I appreciate her bravery and the time that shes put in to help others start their journey towards healing. I don't know where id be if it wasn't for alicia and others like her coming to youtube to tell their truth.

  19. It seems like in a lot of these episodes that a nurturing and strong hug from Iyanla gives each person the strength to speak their pain

  20. "Learn who are without your pain" powerful statement…I wasted 12 years of my life looking outward that I didnt have the time to look in and thats what Im doing now.

  21. Iyanla is surreal she knew right away that she needed to be held like when a mother holds her child my god so many of us go through trauma whether it’s physical or psychological the toll it takes on someone is beyond this world

  22. It is sad also for mothers who want to protect their daughters, but the abusers family have more power over the courts, to continue the abuse. I am a protective mother whose pain and suffering is beyond traumatic. I cry for all the victims out there who need help.

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