How to Distance Yourself from an Emotionally Abusive Person

How to Distance Yourself from an Emotionally Abusive Person

Hey guys welcome back, thanks for joining me this week so for this week’s video I was going through a couple of different topics that I was thinking of doing and you guys are actually gonna dictate this week’s video there was a real theme this week over the last couple weeks with the comments and the questions that I was getting and you all wanted more information on how to deal with someone a toxic person emotionally abusive person Narcissistic person that you can’t go no contact with so how do we learn how to start distancing ourselves from? People that we can’t remove from our lives and so for this video this week I want to go over some things that can help you to begin to distance yourself and kind of Create that bubble that I always talk about now if you haven’t already don’t forget to hit that subscribe button down below Don’t forget to click on the little notification bell, so you can be in the loop when I do upload my latest video So let’s get right into this week’s video so one of the biggest things that will help you when you’re dealing with someone who is unhealthy emotionally abusive Narcissistic it really doesn’t matter in terms of Distancing yourself from this person is you have to accept You have to accept this person for who they are and that sounds really simple but the fact of the matter is when we Come in contact with someone who is emotionally abusive who’s just toxic and unhealthy may be narcissistic It doesn’t really matter just someone that’s not good for us a lot of the times We take things personally that they’re doing or there’s this part of us that wants us to You know really tell this person what they’re doing is wrong And how they are is you know unhealthy and we want to show this person this unhealthy side of them and perhaps hopes that they’ll maybe change or stop doing what they’re doing and You can’t change anyone You can’t control anyone’s behavior and really Accepting that is the start towards you protecting yourself so when we accept that someone is on their own journey doing their own thing and we Can’t change them. It’s not our job to change them That’s really self empowering and I know I’m gonna get a lot of comments from people that say absolutely not you have to tell someone What they’re doing is wrong, and they can’t do this or whatever and to some extent? Yes, we always have to be standing up for ourselves, but we have to get to a place where we don’t have this need to try and change this person and this need to expose this person for who we think they are and This mean for this person to really want to change their behavior, so that’s something that’s really healthy for you to accept and Something that I know from me personally when I get to the point where I realize it’s not my job to change anyone It’s not my job for someone to realize that their behavior is completely irrational Unhealthy, you know ridiculous. Just all of these things abusive Then it made me feel really at peace because I didn’t waste Time and energy thinking about well how am I gonna tell this person that what they’re doing is wrong? I just really set a boundary And I enforced the boundary and that was really just it I didn’t try to fix someone so accepting people for who they are is Really crucial and not wanting to fix anyone It’s something that will really benefit you to benefit you In life and in dealing with this person the next thing is you have to practice self-awareness So self-awareness is so important in so many aspects of your life but really Practicing self awareness when you’re dealing with this person so you have to know Who are the people in my in my life that are emotionally abusive that are toxic that are unhealthy? If you don’t know who those people are then you’re going to probably be abused if you have those internal wounds you’re going to react Because you’re just going off of other people’s negativity and projections and their own insecurities and stuff Their own emotional abuse and if you’re not good to go and you’ve healed everything You’re going to take that stuff on you’re going to react so when we practice self-awareness We’re going into Okay, I know who person is that’s abusive in my life and every time I know I have to be in a situation with that I’m very aware of the things that they do that I that I feel are abusive So they may not think that they’re abusive and that doesn’t matter But these are the things that I know that this person does that either pushes my buttons or? gets under my skin or does the thing that that’s really hurtful and Disrespectful like you have to know these things you have to be aware of these things so that way when you have to Contact this person when you have to interact with them It’s just having that self-awareness gives you home-field advantage because that means that okay, I’m in control of this situation I know what this person does that hurts me or gets into my skin and when you practice that self-awareness It allows you to not take on other people’s stuff so one of the things that I always tell people and it’s something that I talk about all the time in my channel and that’s The reason why I created the channel was you have to educate yourself on emotionally abusive people a Narcissistic personality disorder you know all of these types of abusive behaviors that people do projecting gaslighting you know shaming guilting someone using manipulation Once you educate yourself on these things and you practice self-awareness and you Practice learning how to hold on to yourself and love yourself Through interacting with these people, then you’re golden you have home-field advantage And that’s the bubble that I always talk about you know learning how to create that bubble because we can’t stop the fact that We have family members that we’re gonna see we can’t stop the fact that we have a co-worker who is just You know very abusive and manipulative and narcissistic we can’t prevent those things So we have to learn how do we deal with this person in a healthy way the next thing is you have to establish? Your boundaries with people, and this is like literally the first aspect of self love. That’s so So important because so many people comment or ask me You know how do I set boundaries of people because told this person that what they’re doing? It’s I don’t like it and I won’t stand for it, but they continue to do it So there’s two aspects of that number one is again. We can’t change someone so we can communicate all day long hey I don’t like that. Please don’t do that. I find that hurtful I won’t stand for that all of those types of things which are important But if you don’t enforce that standard then that standard means nothing if you don’t enforce that boundary and Someone knows that you have poor boundaries And they’re weak because you verbalize what it is that you’re expecting out of this person and when they don’t Rise to that occasion. You just let it go They’re going to continue to abuse you so the biggest thing with boundaries is not setting a boundary It’s learning how to enforce the boundary So how do we enforce a boundary? Enforcing a boundary is it’s much like dealing with a child. You know when a child does something that is not okay? We don’t basically say okay, don’t do that There’s there’s a consequence if they continue to do it So there’s a punishment that happens if they continue to do it because they’re not Understanding that there’s a boundary that there’s a rule that there’s a standard that we put in place And it’s the same thing with our family our friends people that we work with you have to create that standard so there has to be a consequence for someone Violating your boundary, so if your boundary is you know please don’t speak to me in a disrespectful way. Don’t yell at me Don’t give me a passive-aggressive You know tone or whatever the situation is there has to be a consequence when someone continues to do it So if someone’s continuing to violate a boundary and you’re not setting that standard and enforcing it The abuse is just going to continue and actually it might continue even more Because now they know that you have poor boundaries that you have weak boundaries and that you don’t have The self-confidence or the self-respect to really stand up for yourself And so they’re going to take advantage of you more and more remember people are always treating you By what you will tolerate so you are really in every aspect of your life friendship partner Co-worker would have you you’re dictating that relationship It doesn’t mean that what we’re going to do is going to change that person to say you know, I’m Abusive, and I really need to get a hold of that and really change it No But what you’re showing an abusive person is I’m not tolerating that behavior and when the behavior happens something Something there’s a consequence to that that behavior happening And I won’t tolerate it so whether it’s hey You know if you speak to me in that way I’m disengaging now and when we can talk in a calm way in a loving way Then we can reestablish this conversation I get back to the matter is like I said You are showing people how you want to be treated and that Goes for your co-workers your family members your friendships your partner, so if you’re unhappy with any relationship It’s because you’re allowing that person number one to have an effect on you You haven’t learned how to create that bubble and number two you haven’t gotten to the place where You’re enforcing your boundaries and your setting standards when you do that You’ll be so surprised at the relationships that you have in your life. They’ll be healthier. They’ll just be easy relationships of honest communication and respect because if you set a boundary and Someone respects that boundary. That’s a good relationship. That’s a relationship that’s gonna flow very nicely if you have a Friend or someone that you’re dealing with and you enforce a boundary and all of a sudden It’s like here comes the backlash here comes the abuse like here comes Manipulation and guilt and shame that’s not someone that you want in your life so understanding that if that’s what you’re getting back from that person when you just Try to be self loving and say this is what I expect in my life because I have standards and they don’t respect that That is not someone that you even want in your life, so you’re actually gaining Something by you know distancing yourself from someone or having someone just drop from your life entirely So the next thing do not share any information with this person so if you’re dealing with someone that’s narcissistic or emotionally abusive Whether that’s in your office. I want this manipulative or someone in your family, or a friend You don’t share anything with this person. We don’t share what we’re struggling with we don’t share the good stuff That’s happening in our lives any real detailed information. We don’t share we don’t really share anything We want to be really blah to this person we want to give them nothing so when the conversation starts And they start asking us questions, we give them very general statements, and then we just throw that ball right back at them Which is so what’s going on with you and start asking them all kinds of questions because anyone who is emotionally abusive or narcissistic Or just toxic and unhealthy they love talking about themselves so they can go all day long so what you need to do is just probe and ask them the questions and have your Statements just be very very general. We won’t we don’t want to give them any You know ammunition to hurt us in the future or You know really cut us out our knees with something that we’re probably Vulnerable to or something that we’re struggling with we don’t want to be human with these people Essentially we just want to come to the table again General statements and just focus the conversation on that other person keep asking them questions And I guarantee you they will be more than happy to just talk about themselves throughout the entire Conversation so the next thing is learning how to protect yourself emotionally This is the bubble this is making sure that we’re not taking on other people’s projections We’re not you know dealing with that manipulation We’re not feeling any guilt or shame We’re not taking any of that stuff on because we need to have tools in order to Allow us to have Conversation and it’ll allow us to interact with someone and it’s a practice and this is definitely something that Not only takes practice, but it takes a lot of self-love because when you’re dealing with someone that is narcissistic That’s emotionally abusive It doesn’t matter how much you educate yourself on this stuff where human beings and when someone says something that’s hurtful and You know just unnecessary. We’re human. It’s going to hurt. It’s gonna sting for a minute and The way you can tell if you’re getting to a better place with this person is how long does the sting happen? Does it happen so much where you go back to your desk? or you you know leave the party where this person was at and you’re just enraged and you’re like why would this person say this and You’re just thinking about it and You know you want to text them Or you want to email them and just why did you say that that was so ridiculous and uncalled for it? And you’re wrong. Do you want to do all that stuff or? Do you lead this person and say? Okay, that person definitely is insecure and was trying to get under my skin and is it was definitely trying to manipulate me there for a minute and But I’m so proud of myself because throughout the whole thing I walked into that interaction saying I’m gonna hold onto myself I’m gonna love myself. I’m gonna know who the person is that I’m dealing with and I’m not gonna take any of that stuff on That that’s when you really know you’re getting to a great place with this person but again This is stuff that takes practice, and it takes you really learning how to love yourself which means I love myself more my energy my Vibration is more important than me getting wrapped up in the negativity and drama of this person so that’s something that is so so important when you’re dealing with these types of people that we can’t escape we have to deal with that as much as I can give You information on how to learn how to create that bubble and distance yourself from someone and things of that sort? it does get to a point where you have to determine whether or not this environment is good for you because this stuff is Not easy stuff to deal with it is not easy to every day have to go into work and deal with someone that is manipulative and rude and unhealthy and hurtful it isn’t easy you know being married to someone who’s emotionally abusive 24 hours a day and And narcissistic or having a friend. That’s maybe just selfish and hurtful and Or any-any really any relationship even a family member There’s nothing that says that we’re buying two people for the rest of our lives So you have to determine who are the people that? should be in my life that are good for me and who are the people that I need to let go and It’s not easy people that you surround yourself with really will make or break your life so take an inventory of who are the people in my life that I have to deal with and Do I want to keep this relationship going? Do I feel good after I leave this person? Is this person healthy it are they emotionally abusive, and do, I really have to deal with them you know even like I said even family members and People that were married to following periods of time you don’t have to stay in those relationships And I believe me it is not an easy thing to cut certain people out of your life. Especially when they’ve been there For so long or when it’s a sister or a brother or a parent or? whoever that we might have an expectation that we need to keep this person in our life, but the reality is you really don’t and Again, it’s not easy to do, but I do think that it’s harder to keep someone in your life That is emotionally abusive that is narcissistic and unhealthy then to cut someone out of your life Neither is an easy easy choice cutting someone out of your life is not something That’s easy to do, but it is better than having to constantly work at a relationship Constantly having to arm yourself before you deal with this person You know always creating that bubble it becomes Emotionally draining to deal with certain people so when you begin to really love yourself you will Definitely take an inventory because now you’re starting to You know create a great life, and you’re happy and you’re feeling content And you’re noticing that there’s just drama with this person or this person is Very unhealthy and when I leave this person. I don’t feel good about myself That’s not someone that we want in our day-to-day life, so I hope that this video has helped you guys out there Understand some ways and things that you can start thinking about so you can distance someone from your life And maybe even giving you some insight on whether or not there are certain people in your life that you should keep in your life so definitely take an inventory of the people that you are surrounding yourself with and Determine whether or not someone is actually good for you so again I hope you guys enjoy the video keep the comments coming I will put links below to all of my social media So don’t forget to follow me on Facebook and Instagram, and I will see you next week

100 thoughts on “How to Distance Yourself from an Emotionally Abusive Person”

  1. Yes omg. I ❤ you women! Its so funny how many women relate to this
    They got you.. and you became codependent and then they drop you.. and dont talk with you much or its less… I have heard this so much. When a person corrects what your saying..etc. thats abusive… or they tell you u should say thank you to them when you were just about too. Oh my god…i could totally go off on this topic. Your in control and the key is to find healthy people eho can love and support you. Yes educate. Manipulation is huge .. and once you know how to be like them you will have established boundaries if you didnt growimg up. They set YOU up so it never happens again. Can't beat self up but to define that your stronger tban THEY are and wont take there shit. Standards are hard to defined. Yes consequence . Maybe do a you tube on tbat. Because your crushed so far you let go too lpng you cant even develop strength for giving consequence. How do you not feel bad for nit giving a consequence when you should over time.?

  2. Austanica Solutions

    It took me almost 10 years to leave one. That saying “if I knew then what I know now…” I’m mostly just disappointed in myself for even staying this long. I sacrificed so much. I sacrificed my happiness. I lost myself. He moved me away “into a bigger” house for show and tell especially when people came over because he wanted them to see what we had and “how far we’ve come.” Ultimate “couple goals” is what he wanted. He is best friends with my mother, he turned her against me completely. The only person I have or I should say “had” by my side he took. Now my mother and I don’t talk at all. I’ve bailed him out of jail for a senseless act HE did. I’ve gone to places I cared not go to because “he likes when I look good” when I’m out with him all the time. I lost my job. He’s stalked me. I tried leaving before, he took random pics on google and sent it to guys to tell them “these are all the men she’s sleeping with” when I didn’t know not one of these people. He’s chased guys away that actually cared for me while him and I weren’t together. I took him back after “I’m gona change.”
    He’s told men when I break up with them I always call the police and put them in jail when we break up. He’s pretended to be sick and “having a stroke” when I wanted to move on while secretly messaging someone I chose to date “I know you’re still talking to my woman. We are still together” I took him back after “I’m sorry. I’ll change.” He so happen to “pop up” in places I go. He took a brick and smashed my side mirror and took all the caps of my tires so my tires would slowly deflate. He slashed the tire on my brand new car a night before I HAD THE BIGGEST INTERVIEW OF MY LIFE. He said “I don’t know what I was thinking I just can’t do it without you. We can both have each other’s phone anytime.” I took him back. The list goes on..

    2 days ago he left the house and went for a “meeting” with someone. God knows who because he is just so dam secretive with everything. Money. His family. You name it.

    As soon as he left the house I called the one friend I had left after knowing how depressed this situation made me and I packed and left. I took only the clothes on my back, my car and my passport.

    Things can always be replaced. Your time can’t. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow but even though the hardest part is leaving. Because I’ve always “left” but didn’t LEAVE.

    I have no job. I lost it all because of him. But I had 2 peaceful nights of sleep so far. Even though I still wake up sometimes because my anxiety of always feeling like I have to watch over my shoulder is there, I’m proud that the step I took is now a step closer to my greatness and purpose.

    Listening to these videos gave me the push I need to leave. I regret marrying him because I had so many signs not to.

    Losing myself is one of the deepest cuts I will have to heal. “I just don’t sympathize no more. I can’t be victimized no more. I just don’t sympathize no more. Cause now I understand.”

    Anyone who is feeling depressed, have anxiety or just feel like you can’t get out listen to Lauryn Hill “I GET OUT.” And really take the words in.

    Depression and anxiety may be now, but it’s not forever.


  3. I thought I had a strong faith. And then I met hell. And within that I have no choice but to hang on to my faith for dear life. I'm dealing with someone who is set to ruin me. She simply won't stop. So what I have to do is just keep my joy and ignore her at all costs.

    I've got to get back to writing my book. It's my main escape outside of my prayer life.

    Breaks me what she's done to the kids. Breaks me.

    The no info rule? Oh yeah.

    Probably need to get back to painting again as well. I'm not looking to have a woman rescue me. I'm not even looking for a woman at all. Right now? My relationship with Jesus is absolutely everything. Its 100% of what the kids see in my eyes, spirit, being. And it is a counterweight to a very real world of darkness I'm fighting on their behalf almost nonstop.

    They deserve better than what they're going through.

  4. The main problem with trying to set boundaries with emotional abusive People, is the fact ,they first make you dependent on them before the abuse begins, they make sure you are financially dependent, married or brain washed into believing they are more intelligent and know exactly why they do what they do.

  5. My narc husband has always come out with a snarky, condescending tone of voice that wilts my spirit like nothing else. I used to continue the conversation in spite of it. Now, I simply say, "And there's the tone" , get up, and walk away. I've also started the practice of "time sharing" our home. Whenever he's away, I do my work in our common areas. When he is at home, I'm usually in my own room.

  6. How do you enforce your spouse from calling you a stupid idiot, and when you walk away, they walk after you and threaten to divorce you and kick you out of the house?

  7. I’m struggling so so bad distancing myself. I need to practice these things. Thank you for your video. I know I have to walk away for good to feel better. I’m so depressed and my anxiety is so bad .

  8. I have been around super toxic people (with some great qualities too)so long, that if I rid myself of them I will be all alone. Spouse, and family. Spouse ran friends off or made it hard to have relationships years ago.

  9. This video feels like it is made about my spouse. He is so controlling and more so as the years go on. He says I live on his money so he has the right to control it even though we are married.
    It is all about power and he criticises constantly if I put on weight and then goes for days completely ignoring me after an argument.
    This is really taking a toll on me. I want a soulmate who values me as I do him and enjoys company.I feel so low as I know that he makes no effort to value our relationship or even cares what I feel even when I try to raise my feelings with him. He says you will not get a reaction from me and he sees everything I say as an attack and shuts down.
    I feel like my life has no purpose except to be the target of his abuse.

  10. I have a emotionally abusive partner. A lot has happened, but I feel stuck and scared. I just don't know why I feel scared. So many times I've tried to leave him, but he will be sweet and I'll get suckered in and then he will start being mean again. When he has used every curse word on me I tell him "Ok if I'm so bad and I'm this and that then leave me. I won't cry for you and I don't want someone disrespecting me." He never apologizes just tells me why he said those things or just starts being nice again. We have a daughter I'm currently living with my parents. Until I can get a job he didn't want me working because he wanted me to give my full care and attention to our baby, but then he would say how much money he spends and everything he has done for me and our baby. So I'm home with my parents and he still comes by to see her and is nice to me and everything. I don't think I can get completely away from him. We live separately, but I guess we are still together. I only noticed how much he had done to hurt me and make my mind a foggy mess, with self doubt until we began living separately. I noticed how tired I was and how depressed I was. I would cry even though he wasn't there. I felt completely drained on days we would go out together just the 2 of us. He complains I don't get dressed up, but when I do get dressed up he complains I take too long.

  11. I'm starting this now….I've except him doing what he do I cannot make him changed..hes controlling and mentally abusive….thank u for ur advice….ur so right about everything u saying…wow

  12. Wow this is so true I have told this to Autumn Way and I am on my own Journey no longer wanting abusive toxic relationships and letting others move on with their lives and having peace and wanting peace enjoying my own life so true I've tried to reach out to my daughter many of times but you can't change people places or things and you can't keep hitting your head against a wall they have to let go and move on I've got my family out of my life because of the of the abuse

  13. You are so right about not needing or trying to change the toxic people in our lives. I just realized today that I also am going to have to just let go of that whole idea about a mother figure in my life who I can't completely close doors on… so all I can do is have my own boundry and at the same time just accept who she is. Great video! Very true!

  14. Girl, no. Narcassits ALWAYS violate your boundaries. And you cannot give them a "consequence" because they will abuse you more. Or abuse your children more. By telling women in abusive relationships to set boundaries is basically leading them into a war zone

  15. I think i have very poor boundaries . My narc triggers me in sneakier way . That person will often tell something not directly to me but rather to oneself or any third person, which is only meant for me and despite the fact that i have learned so much about these people how they behave or act and they are not in my control ,i get triggered and go down the pit of anger ,hatred ,frustration for pretty long period . Going through for very long time and my anxiety level has increased and now i think there is lots of anger buried deep inside me . I feel like i am somehow controlling that anger but i get very easily upset with anybody around me. I feel i might lose my temper very easily some day even for smallest of matter

  16. Ok I get what your saying. Thank you for what you have said. So I will stop all contact completely sometimes it's very confusing when there's Miss signals on your end but you will not hear from me ever again

  17. I’ve known him for 12 years. It use to be a fun and playful relationship. We recently became serious and at times I am drowning. The constant shame and blame eats away at you. Pathetic, useless, and uneducated are names used too often. I don’t even enjoy my passions in life anymore because they are overlooked and “dumb”. When I try to speak up it’s constantly turned around on me. This hardly scratches the surface. There’s not anyone to talk to. I always said I would never let something like this happen to me but here I am in a huge rut. You’re right you just can’t change someone no matter how hard you try.

  18. I had to cut my father amd mother out of my life. Hardest thing ever. My dad I believe is a narcissist and my mother emotionally abused me by withholding affection and coming in and out of life. Now I'm trying to leave my emotionally abusive boyfriend. It's been a journey.

  19. I used to try to make sense of the actions
    And tell her what made me react the way I did
    She was literally taking advantage and over stepping my boundaries even tho I would let her know
    It did nothing
    I was always still to blame and I used to drive my self crazy going over and over the situation
    It’s draining and usually I would give up and try to do better
    Now I know that I can’t blame myself for the way people act
    But it’s still hard cuz I still have to deal with her for the children 1 step 1 ours
    It’s hurtful

  20. I been in situation when he was asked me to do abortion to his baby,I keep her now she is in primary school and almost 10 year after all I was pregnant again, because he was missed his son and he abuse me and treat to take me to bush n kill me and burry me and I called police and he is so go to twisted all the story.cyclone same again and again..

  21. But what if they text me saying like “you’re stupid dumba** can’t comprehend nun” CONSTANTLY SOMETHING LIKE THAG. How do I respond to that, how do I respond when they say “bc it’s all your fault”, and stuff like that?

  22. Thank you. Deep in this right now and the last few months… self love time. I never ever feel good with this person any more. I've been way too nice. Time to switch the focus to number one.

  23. 8:30 what if i already told her that but she didn't feel like she doing it, then she accused me accusing her for things she didn't do? I guess silent treatment work best?

  24. I think that spending time wondering why someone treats you the way they do is useless energy. An honest life is one where you place your emotional needs, first. You have to or you fall victim to these people. I don't subscribe to finding out why someone behaves this way. They do it cause they can and will. it's completely purposeful for them. It's a win. When they ruined their relationships, they only feel shame, not remorse. When they get caught being abusive, they either shift the blame or fall silent and punish you. It's a game to them. If you have a conscience, you'll be the target.
    To add injury to insult, they'll find enablers to back them up. Now you have a package of 2. I just go on with my life. It's not worth the fight for me. I get out and enjoy other people and shift that energy to loving myself. Thank you for an amazing video! Love thy self, be good to yourself, stop crying over them and get on with the people who care about you.

  25. Hi Stephanie,
    Love your podcasts! 1 comment about this topic-Distancing Ourselves…. I am far away from the worst person in this category. So thats good. Going through forgiveness process now which is huge for me to be at this point. I've got to get the backstabbing comments and the worst slander out of my head. In fact, she (sis) won't talk to me but gossips behind my back. How do I set a boundary with that? Write her a letter? There are things I want to say to her and maybe that would help me let go of it but I don't want to stir up the hornets nest. This is a life long thing but got much worse abt 10-15 yrs ago. It has done much damage to the family which basically doesn't exist anymore. Help!

  26. I have real close friend that is fighting cancer she is stuck living with her parents help her but her mom is hard on her emotionally abuse what should she do she scared if she stands up for herself that her mom will not help her or throw her out

  27. I’m stuck with an emotionally abusive husband. He won’t leave the house either and says he will only move out if I pay his rent so I just have to deal with it 🙁 plus we have kids and one of the kids needs autism therapy and I’m not working at the moment to take care of my toddlers. So trapped

  28. I had to learn all of this after being with someone for so long that did all this. Glad that I'm learning all this now and that were no longer talking to each other. I couldn't change her and I'm ok with being away from such a toxic person from my life.

  29. Thank you , love your videos love bomb went year and half I’ve left twice for month at a time the whole month was very hard depression and anxiety now I’m back why do I keep going back thinking that’s she needs help? She chasing me down it’s wrapped around my family do I need leave state of Maine?

  30. I’ve been working on this in therapy for years and I haven’t left yet. I have been miserable for the last four years of our ten year relationship. I know what I need to do and i don’t understand what’s blocking me? I think it’s Because I’m a narcissist too, but I’m more miserable than he is.

  31. Sayed Masihullah Sadat

    This is really amazing to know and to face it. Its highly appreciated the efforts you put for awareness and everything.

  32. Luv the words , “ we don’t want to be human with these people” focus the conversation by asking questions of them & let them talk on & on about themselves.

  33. Your videos are superb they are clear and concise and so well delivered and always great content 😇 thank you Steph 🙏 namaste

  34. Do you talk about why people are emotional abusers? Where this really comes from? I’m also having self worth issues based on this persons behavior towards me.

  35. Oh yes I absolutely agree with you in as much as becoming aware of self love and NOT giving any personal information ( which in my case ALWAYS came back and bit me when it suited the narc's ) .. Also NOT biting on THIERS low insecure nasty spiteful comments . BUT, you're also right that it's NOT easy to constantly uphold that position of 'guard' ..and why the hell should we look over shoulder constantly in awareness of THIER attack mode ?!? It's too waring for me , my whole body screams BLOCK them STAY AWAY permanently. I just want to be around and attract decent kindness and certainly not be within 100 miles of low life bullying folk who live to hurt others . Noooo, I've experienced close family verbal bullying from Mother father and older sister…noooo, no more !

  36. Yes yes yes …emotionally draining!! My whole body has suffered for years with constantly putting on my armour. I'm tired and warn out lifting this heavy armour on an almost daily bases . It's taken its toll . Visiting my parents has Always been an unpredictable situation which I tensed up before I got there . My father passed 5 years ago , I miss him in a way that I really do not miss his years off verbal spiteful comment ps of me , the judgements of me , the bully boy tac tics . My mother has foul jealous issues and has said some things that will never leave my mind , she's 85 now and failing, but is STILL capable of cutting me , even by a LOOK ! My older sister is her father and mothers daughter!! Need I say more ? I've recently chosen to block her out of my life , the straw that broke the camels back , this mound has to be broken and it finally is .
    The very last contact ( and that will be extremely minimal ) I will have with my sister will be regarding our mothers funeral arrangements, of which I'll attend a service only ! Done D, O, N, E, done . Relief , and breathe.

  37. smallhouseinthecountry

    This is great advice. A true narcissist or person with borderline rage won't alway believe you(or admit it) if you point out the errors of their way anyway. I have both of these people in my life, and I can't avoid them, so this video really helps.

  38. Thank you so much for this video! I have been struggling for months trying to figure out how to get out of an abusive relationship. Tonight I was at my breaking point looking for help when I came across your video! Thank you for all the helpful information and helping me feel stronger to face my abuser and finally get out of my situation!

  39. Thank u Stephanie your videos are truthfull and inspiring…the world needs more of you 💝🌼some ppl "abusers and narcs" forget that the world is big enough for everyone to shine.
    By me creating my bubble I am now bulletproof to abusers .

  40. Thank you so much for these videos, they really help and also thank you for not cursing in this one, I was happy to give a thumbs up💞

  41. I agree trying to tell someone about their behavior is a waste of time. I recognize it’s really my own feelings
    of wanting them to be someone they will never be.

  42. Everything you are saying makes a lot of sense and will help for sure but what I find more difficult. For me I find it difficult when he is trying to manipulate me back. He keeps love bombing me and tries to make me believe he is going to change. He won’t actually abuse me or hurt me now. He will try to make me believe it won’t happen again.

  43. The action of distancing from someone toxic conveys a message without having to necessarily speak it. Distancing oneself from toxic people removes a negative from one's life and allows room/time for positive change. It's a huge win-win and can absolutely be life-changing.

  44. If I distance myself from Emotionally abusive people then I'll be distancing all the women in my life, both present and future…

  45. How to learn to distance ourselves from abusive or toxic people who we have to deal them?
    You can't control others behaviour and it's not our job to change people, although in some extent we need to change people but we shouldn't get entirely overwhelmed for so
    You have to practice self awareness of with whom we deal with to avoid getting insulted at there hands so we will be in control with situation
    You have educate yourself about toxic people and practice self awareness because we can't stop the facts, we can't prevent these things
    You have to learnt how to establish the healthy boundaries with people you have to deal with them in somehow such as abusive family member, toxic work colleague and else
    You must have the self-respect to be capable to stand up for your self
    The fact of the matters you show people the way they have to treat you
    Do not make long speech or share any personal thing with toxic, abusive people whoever they are for you
    My energy is more important
    take the inventory for whose I have to deal with across the people you are surrounded with
    How to arm yourself prior to dealing with emotional abusive and hurtful people who you can't prevent or skip them at all

  46. Dont emotionally abusive people deserve love to, if everyone avoids them wouldnt they feel worse, most of them also cant help it that they feel or act the way they do , but every person deserves love no matter what kind of person u are and i find if everyone isolates that category its really not helpfull to those people

  47. Who decides whats abusive or not who makes this rules ? Because there diffrent for everyone , nowadays everything that feels unpleasant almost is called abuse

  48. What if u dont wanna treat others in a respectfull way or u dont wanna submit to what they want of u because u say the persons behaviour i wont tolerate it but then only 1 person decides the rules and thats also not fair because why would only 1 person have the power and if the other dont listen to drop the person what about what the other person wants because everyone is selfish and wants their way and everyone has diffrent boundaries n u cant please all of them just to keep the person , what if your someone who doesnt like or want boundaries why is that wrong, and how can u find someone who wont give u boundaries because some people just dont want boundaries and i dont find boundaries healthy it creates a space between people and a detachment that only comes from a selfish need

  49. Thank you for this video. You answered so many questions that I had. I can longer live in a place of mutual respect and positivity with everyone I encounter. I have a horrible,wretched,drunk neighbor, I began to distance myself and she retaliated by vandalizing my property and loitering. This maniac would set my security alarms off,throw rotten food in my trash and air conditioning unit. She recently had the fire knocked out of her by a man she was seeing and she still has learned nothing. About two weeks ago she feel asleep witht he stove on….she passed out from being drunk and flew into a rage because I didn't know on her door. He adult son later knocked on my door to apologize. I ran into her last night and she acted like nothing ever happened. I cant distance myself from her because I don't know when Im going to see her. She spoke and I just shook my head at her. This morning my car window had spit on it.

  50. Narc Abusers drain our energy , distances our selves is the Best way to protect us.

    AGREE it's better to accept who they are ,and not re explain that they hurt us and affect ya emotionally , because they don't change.

    I don't think that it's healthy or the relationship can become healthier , maybe a little just a microscopic dose , but it Will be by the expenses of our beautiful energy . NOT WORTH IT, BELIEVE ME.

    Maybe with normal people who are willing to respect others without beeing treated like childs , they are not .

  51. If you've really never set boundaries with anybody a good one to start with is – if you ever have anybody who talks to you for a long period Of time and makes you feel like s*** in the end. you simply tell them next time like 5 mins in – "I'm going to have to stop you right there!" Just blurt it out. Then say "I got stuff to do I got to go…." then every time you talk to them and you get sick of it starts shorten the time and saying the same thing.

  52. Stephanie thank you so much! You are amazing, breathing love & positive energy into the world. You are a beacon of hope & light & I’m grateful for another one of your brilliant videos teaching self-love & helping me to trust my intuition. I’d love to see a video/ hear your thoughts about forgiving oneself for staying w/ a narcissistic relationship, about how to follow one’s dreams, I.e. how to know if they’re too big to ever be real. I don’t want to fool myself yet I’m feeling stagnant because I am afraid to reach for the stars after being told my whole life by most people close to me that it is impossible, there is too much competition, I am not being realistic etc.
    Also. It would be great to hear your thoughts about how to enter the job market after taking a break & how to put this on a resume so I can move forward again. It is inspiring to see you shine after you’ve been through abusive relationships yourself. You give me hope. Love & Light & Thank you! ♥️

  53. Yes mam sometimes
    It gets hard when they do things you ve
    Told them you don't
    Like and they swear
    They don't do that and do it again ?
    It's childest and
    They lie in your
    Face and you
    Know um .

  54. Best "Just say, 'No,'," video EVAR. Full stop.Three simple words, but it takes 18 minutes and some change to really hammer that nail into the toxic relationship "coffin." #ty

  55. Thank you for making this wonderful video, I have lived with an emotionally abusive father for many years and because of that I have a developed mental disorder. But this video taught me how I can protect my self better from this persona and how I can have abit more confidence in my self. Thank you very much

  56. My therapist told me to just cut my abusive husband off completely. I did and now I’m moving on with my life and moving into my own apartment without him.

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