Feeling Like A Child After Abuse (A Kati Morton Response Video)

Feeling Like A Child After Abuse (A Kati Morton Response Video)

(pencil writing) (electronic chiming) Hello and welcome back. Today we’re going to be
talking about child abuse. It’s another child abuse
video on this channel. If you want to watch any other videos that I have about child abuse awareness, I have a playlist right up there, so you can go check that out. So, this video is actually
a response to Kati Morton who is a therapist and a YouTuber. She talks about therapy,
her life as a therapist, and mental health, things like that. We had a mental health panel together with a couple of other YouTubers
at Playlist D.C. last year and I really enjoy her work. So, on Thursday, she
actually uploaded a video called Why Does Childhood Trauma
Make Us Feel Like A Child? That video was actually inspired by a viewer who left a question and that question was
something along the lines of why does she still feel like a child trapped in the body of an adult? She experienced abuse when she was younger and growing up and it feels like some of that has stuck with her and she doesn’t feel quite like an adult. And when I finished the
video, all I could think was this is the video that has
been missing from my life and now I feel like I’m
finally figuring out something about myself that I have also been trying to figure out as someone who has dealt with this kind of stuff all their life. You know, I am in my 20s. I’m in the middle of my
20s and I have always felt not quite there yet because
there’s still things in my life that I haven’t accomplished that other people would pretty much have already done by now,
although with this economy, I think more types of people probably feel the same type of way, but, you know, it’s just, I feel like it’s almost different mentally to us, how it makes us feel because
of what we’ve been through. I don’t know. But I’ve noticed, regardless, I have a hard time doing the dishes. I have a hard time
cleaning up my own room, cleaning up my own space because I grew up being yelled at for not
cleaning up my own space and all of this, but I also got yelled at for cleaning my own space, so I would be yelled at and
punished and hit and whatever for not doing things,
but at the same time, if I did try to do them, even right after, I would get screamed at
constantly for doing that. So, my space would forever be cluttered and it was just like
what’s the point in trying if I’m going to get
yelled at for doing this? That was always a weird thing. That has always gotten on my nerves, but that’s a different thing. I was also reading through
the comments of that video and somebody was talking about how they have a tendency to kind
of talk in baby talk almost and I realize I also have that tendency. I do that with my cats
and animals and stuff, but, you know, who doesn’t do that, right? But I’ve noticed with certain people, I tend to talk like a child. And it’s something that has always kind of bugged me a little bit and I couldn’t figure out why. And I saw this video
and I was like, oh, wow, this just might have explained something. And now I realize how much, how different my voice is
and my personality would be towards these certain people. And it’s not something
that I really care for. Because one, it makes me feel small. It makes me, I feel like
I’m making myself small and two, it’s just, it’s just not me. Kati was saying that the
reason why we feel this way is because it’s like a road block. You know, when we grow up
this way, at this age, then it kind of just stays with us, which I’m not really sure what
age I would be at mentally since it happened for so long. I have been trying to fix
that myself, in some ways, like I’ve been trying to clean
up this space, in my room, ’cause, you know, I got this. So all the stuff that I currently have lying on the floor was on this desk, but I had to take it off because this fits my entire desk, there
is nowhere I could put any. I can’t really put
anything right here, right? And dishes, I’ve been
better at doing the dishes. But I still tend to not want to do them or maybe in the back of my
mind, I want to do them, but there’s that road block in
my brain that’s stopping it. It’s still thinking that how I grew up and what I’ve been going
through is what it is. Like I’m not supposed to do this because, but then I do get
scolded, but then I do get talked to about not doing this. But it’s a really complicated thing. I didn’t realize how confusing it was. I didn’t realize a lot
of things about this until I ended up watching
that video on Thursday. So I’d like to thank Kati for
coming out with that video and I would like to thank the person that asked the question because
without that question, that video probably would not have gone up and I think Kati is going
to do a couple more videos about that, which is
going to be really helpful for a lot of people. So, if you are interested
in mental health, maybe you have your own
mental health problems and you might not have
access to certain things, access to help, like
on a one-on-one basis, but maybe you might get something out of watching Kati’s videos. Kati’s videos are captioned, so if you’re someone like me
who needs the captions, she’s a great resource for that. And, well, I think that’s it. I didn’t really know what
to say in this video, it’s just kind of like a, it’s a chatty type of sit down, lowkey kind of video, I guess. But yeah, if you have any
sort of experience with this, feel free to leave your own story down in the comments below. Before I go, be sure to
check out the description box because I do have a link to my Patreon if you are interested in supporting any of the work that I do,
as well as the Ko-fi Tip Jar. Tip jar, tip jar is something
that I still cannot say and probably will never
be able to say (laughs). I will see you later, bye.

38 thoughts on “Feeling Like A Child After Abuse (A Kati Morton Response Video)”

  1. I wrote an article/blog post to go with this video on my website. You can read that here: http://www.rikkipoynter.com/blog/feeling-childlike

    If you wanna help support the channel/my work:
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    PATREON » http://patreon.com/rikkipoynter
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  2. SoulSearcher MusicSavedMyLife

    Hello Rikki I am a singer songwriter here is my video of me singing a song I wrote about the most scariest night during my abuse years https://youtu.be/RVh6vpu4XIs

  3. I can't do dishes either. Maybe because my strongest memories of doing dishes are being seven and accidentally breaking dishes (because they were heavy and slippery and I couldn't hold on right) and when I went to ask my dad to clean up (because my mom didn't let me do that sort of thing, for fear of me getting hurt) he screamed at me for dropping the dish and said I was too clumsy/bad at dishes/messing up. I think dropping things like that might have happened more than once, for similar reasons, dishes were heavy and slippery and I was seven, and a very clumsy seven year old at that. So dishes is the one chore I cannot do. I can do a lot of chores others hate, but dishes is a flat out no/never.

  4. There's definitely something to that idea, I guess something like getting stuck where you got hurt. Hope you start to heal further

  5. Wow, I really enjoyed watching this video. It kinda makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm almost 36 and I have struggled with my emotions about my hard of hearing disability. Your videos lets me know there are other individuals like me. Thank you and keep up the great work.

  6. Thank you so much for sharing all this, it couldn't have been easy for you to open up about it but you still chose to do so. Thank you!

  7. I don't know when it started for me and it never really stopped until I cut contact with my family, I never had any privacy grwing up so having my own place and being able to lock the door is great but it took a while to get used to not having to hide everything and not having to hide my post or the things i was doing

  8. Wow. Some things make so much more sense now. Thanks for this video. I’ve caught myself talking in a “baby voice” before unintentionally and my parents would always comment on it but I had no idea why I did it. I’m 18 now, and I feel like I still hear it sometimes. I also have something similar about doing dishes as well. My chore in my dad’s house was putting dishes away and silverware, or loading the dishwasher. Since I was in the kitchen where my stepmom always was, I was always on high alert. I’ve had some scary times in that kitchen with her. Nowadays I’m always procrastinating doing dishes. I stay away from it as long as I can. I like to get the dishes clean, but there’s always something keeping me from it. I don’t fully understand it. This video was very interesting for me though because I’ve often felt like more of a younger kid than any age I was at. I used to be incredibly immature because I had lost my childhood from abuse so I wanted my chance to be a kid after I got away from it. I am still like that sometimes.

  9. That explains why I wouldn't do my homework after a traumatic incident involving my horrible horrible third grade teacher.

  10. ᏆᎾᏗᎣᎭ O.o

    I have similar things. If I made noise and woke my mother up I would get spanked with either a wooden spoon or a belt. I still at 31 and long out of their house I take great pains to do things silently even when I’m alone. An example would be opening doors and getting ice or silverware.

  11. Honestly I actually have the same feeling. I for the longest amount of time always felt like I’ve been wanting to say what your saying. BTW your videos helped me through a lot.

  12. I didn't grow up with child abuse, but I understand how you grew up. It ain't easy, even now. Sometimes I'll feel like I have depression (don't eat much, don't smile, don't want to go outside, just stay in my room) and I'll just think about all of my bad memories instead of my good ones, I always put myself down and that's taking away what's left of my childhood, no more good moments, just bad ones. I appreciate your willingness to put stuff like that out there. You show me courage when I have -1 courage! (Still no courage, but we're gettin' there!)

  13. Well isn't that interesting. I'm 25 and for the longest time when people would ask me my age I was stuck with the reflex to answer 18. Now I'm more stuck at 23 but that's definitely something I can relate to. I don't know if I can say that I suffered from child abuse though. My relationship with my father was rocky at best and my relationship with my mother wasn't healthy but not as in "abusive unhealthy" more like "codependent unhealthy". Still I can see why it might have stunted my development.
    My road block is more on the side of developing relationships with others, I don't want to anymore. Had too many bad experiences, friends, family, boyfriends. I'm sick of people.

  14. One of the many reason the rod approach is detrimental to child development. I hope all those who got scarred and traumatized in their childhood can get over their pain and wounds and put aside those sadness penned inside them ☺️

  15. Jennifer Charlee Art

    Omg, what you said about getting screamed at about cleaning is exactly my experience and have always had issues and shame around cleaning my home

  16. I have had trouble with school work. I have just had this association with too many expectations and it makes me have panic attacks and existential crises. But I still push myself to do it. I am getting a degree in genetics. And I do not let my experiences with bullying, abusive people in power, and anxiety/depression get me down. I like to visualize them as people/villains. And I have to destroy them. It kinda works. And it makes them funnier.

  17. Number Eight or Nine?

    So I feel as if I am a child again due to the situation and environment I find myself in that is similar to my childhood. Terrified that my son is experiencing life similarly to me and as always, powerless. Dishes means, wash the stuff off after using it and then throw it in the dishwasher. I microwave most everything though.

  18. I figured it had some effect on me but I thought it was just my anxiety 😩 I really don’t feel like an adult, I don’t have a job because I’m scared of having the responsibilities (because my mom had absolutely NO trust in me as a kid) and I’m terrified of taxes and government forms cause I feel like if I fill it out wrong I’ll get in trouble and literally, literally my mom took me to jail as a 5th grader for getting bad math grades and made me sit surrounded by prisoners with 1 guard to protect me, she tried to get them to keep me overnight but they said no thank god

  19. Have you heard of Little Space? It's a mindset in which you feel like a child, very similar to what you're describing. It most often occurs after traumatic events in your childhood, in which you feel like you've missed out. Does this sound familiar?

  20. Yes! to all these things. I currently have a week's worth of dishes just sitting on the counter because of childhood abuse stuff and depression. It's actually pretty interesting because I manage to clean my bunny's litter box at least once a week, but dishes are beyond me. sigh


  21. This makes a lot of sense. I will say, that a lot of people who’ve experienced childhood trauma end up into the kink scene of Age Play/Age Regression where they can relive that age and replace those negative memories with new better ones. And regress into a headspace that can help one work through their trauma— in a non sexual manner. There are those in that who do include consensual sexual acts in that space but I’ve found many who age regress do it to work through trauma. With baby talk, etc. just a thought

  22. I watched Katis video, too and found it very interesting and eye opening. Thanks for sharing your experience with this.
    I didn't go through any childhood trauma myself but I still sometimes feel a lot younger than I actually am and I think that for me, this has to do with the fact that I am trans. So when I look in the mirror, I see a prepubescent boy (but actually I am a adult afab person) who is still waiting for puberty to hit. It's weird…

  23. This explains a lot for me. I act like a child in front of a lot of people. From the way I speak to my movements and my hobbies. Sometimes I wonder if that's actually me.

  24. I used to get screamed at for not doing chores cuz my mum's a neat freak, but also got told off for wasting money cuz we had a domestic helper who did all the chores (it's very common in Hong Kong) so "what'll she do when she comes if the house is already clean?" while waving her salary in my face screaming "should i just through this down the toilet then?" so I now have an immature mentality and a toxic relationship with money. Having money in my bank account gives me anxiety to the point where if I deal with money at all, that night I get fever dreams with money chasing me around screaming at me, but also get anxious with no money cuz… living is a thing! And my mum STILL uses the baby voice while speaking to me and refers to herself in the 3rd person, which is just so weird, makes me so uncomfortable!

  25. I had a moment today in regards to attempting to adult. I went with my mother to the casino today, and, being I'm 20, I wasn't allowed in. I needed her for something shortly after she went into the casino, and, being I have anxiety when approached aggressively, I automatically shut down when I approached the security guard and tried to explain to him that I was waiting on my mother. I also was surrounded by flashing lights, loud noises, and lots and lots of people. Of course I was expecting to be self-reliant, and capable of looking after myself in this situation, I wasn't. I felt humiliated and kind of in shock, and started becoming dizzy from the stress. Kind of sad when you know how to pay bills, figure taxes and mortgage, understand an insurance premium and wages, whether it be weekly monthly or annually, and you still can't handle being surrounded by strangers and loud noises. I can adult financially and can easily be self sufficient, but having a job terrifies me, and lots of people put me in shock. Can anyone relate?

  26. oh damn i didn't knew you where abused, but now your reaction too my comment does make alot more sence.
    if i offended you or something, my appoligies. i didn't mean to do so, i just wanted to give advise to everyone.

    i didn't notice the "childlike-voice" though.
    anyway's if you are still struggeling with this i'd reconmend you to go too a therapist and not just an youtube-therapist

  27. My brother did that, not judt sexual stuff to me, and choke me into unconsciousness for no reason. It's a problem with them, not us. And if you want to, you can do dishes cus thr abusive person isn't there to hurt you if you do. And if she is, you can call police at some point.

  28. Nice video Rikki,

    I have always ponder that question myself. If I went to grad school, this topic might have been what I wrote my thesis on. Thank you for your insights.

  29. This is super relatable. Growing up if I did anything I'd get yelled at. If I was asked to do something and asked how to do it, I'd get yelled at. If I did it without asking how after being asked to do it, I'd get yelled at for not doing it right. If I knew how and did it to be nice, I'd be yelled at because that wasn't what they wanted done. If I didn't offer to do it, I'd be yelled at for never doing anything. Now even as an adult it's hard for me to go do something without being told when, how, how long, how much, etc. I need specific details in order to do something without anxiety, and I cry even if someone tells me I did it wrong in a nice way- it really doesn't matter. Then I'll cry if I miss understand someone's instructions, or cry if someone misunderstood me because I couldn't communicate effectively (I've never learned how to do that). Never really thought it was uncommon until I noticed no one else did that and it was just me, haha.

  30. I know what u are talking about my mom was the some way and its took so long for my mom naging in my head and when something was going on i would think of what she would say in a mean and nagging me way it to a vary long time to think of my own with out her in my head. I still love my mom tho and know she was being emotionally abusive to me but it's helping to be not with her all the time.

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