Another Abuse Story

Another Abuse Story

Hey you! I was recently watching a video by
a male YouTuber who was opening up about his experiences being in an abusive relationship.
In it he mentioned that men never talk about this kind of stuff and that we’re typically
discouraged from doing so to maintain our manliness and… He was right. We should talk
about this kinda stuff more because no one should suffer in silence and sometimes sharing
your experiences can help someone come to terms with their own. So… I’m gonna do
that… Right now. When I was 16 I met a girl who would quickly
become my best friend. We had a lot in common from our love of Internet culture to our brooding
existential mindsets. She introduced me to loads of great food and music, movies and
TV, manga and anime. It was one of the happiest times of my life. I think I unironically referred
to us as platonic soulmates once. Back then I was a boy at war with himself.
On one had I’d been raised all religious and sheltered and on the other I was an overexposed,
Internet hell-raiser. She encouraged me to abandon my godly ways and go “full liberal”
which I gladly – and voluntarily – did. But by the time we hit 18 things started to get
at little out of control. She wanted to date me but I didn’t want
to date her. We were great friends and I just didn’t see her that way. Oh, and for the
record I was a super-duper virgin. Only the year before had I kissed someone for the first
time and still had every intention of saving sex until I was 100% ready and with a girl
I truly loved. What a pansy! Am I right? We eventually got into a cycle of her coming
onto me, me saying no, her getting upset, me feeling like an asshole, her being nice,
and things returning to normal. This was a process she would’ve candidly referred to
as “raping me into submission”. It’s good to know that the “I’m such a good friend why won’t you fuck me” nice guy trope is actually unisex. Yay equality! The sad thing is it totally worked and over
time I stopped resisting and we started getting intimate. First we were kissing, then we were
touching, and then… You know. It kinda felt like joining an unexpected conga line like
“oh, I guess we’re doing this now. oh-kay! uhh, wee!” It was a little weird but it was ultimately my choice. My decisions. But then things got really bad. Given we weren’t actually dating I started developing an interest in other girls. And the night I told her I was planning on asking one of these girls out… She snapped.
She intervened and sabotaged my chances and when I got upset with her she… Injured herself.
And being her friend I dropped everything and took her to the hospital. Like a grade-A
chump. After that night I just didn’t care anymore.
I was tired and heartbroken and… I gave in. She’d come visit me at university and
refuse to leave; tell me I was a bad person whenever I asked for space; then hurt herself
and make sure I knew about it. It was very healthy. Then finally, at the peak of it all, I gave
her my virginity. And it was fun! At least at the first couple times… Before I finally
realised it wasn’t fun… And then became terrified of sex… For years… Not long
after that we stopped being friends… Not before she let me know how truly awful I was. I hated her for years. 4 years to be exact.
Talked about how much I hated her constantly. Retold this story over and over to anyone
who’d listen. Until I finally got over it. I realised that we were both just stupid,
mean, broken, little teenagers. I couldn’t hold it against her anymore. I couldn’t even be sure
I remembered it all correctly. Honestly, I don’t know how the fuck to feel
anymore. All I know is that if you flipped the sexes in my story it’d probably be a
lot more black and white. As someone who believes strongly in gender equality – but doesn’t
use labels like “feminist” anymore because I can’t be fucked to deal with the backlash
– I think it’s important to realise that emotional, psychological and even sexual abuse
can happen to anyone. My story isn’t all that “exciting” or
clear cut but it’s what I have to offer to the abuse conversation. Well, at least
from the perspective of the recipient. Truth Truth is I’ve spent more than enough time being
an awful friend, partner, lover… son… But I guess those are someone else’s stories
to tell. Anyway, thanks a lot for listening to my story.
It means a lot to get it off my chest. And if you’re in a similar situation to mine,
whichever side of the equation you might be on, I hope my experience can help you in some way. Thank you and I hope that hearing my experience can help in some way. TomSka out.

100 thoughts on “Another Abuse Story”

  1. I got raped when I was 13.. I was volunteering at a local kids play thing. It’s basically just a youth club for younger kids. I met him at the kids play thing the first time I volunteered. He was one of the nicest people I’ve ever met, and the older brother to one of my closest friends. He was 19 at the time. After about 5 months of me volunteering and him being a completely normal, but really really sweet guy.. he said to me one evening, ‘hey, can you come with me please’. I followed him, assuming it was just something I had to do while volunteering, he was an incredibly trustworthy guy and he was 2nd to the boss. I followed him to the changing rooms in the building.. and there was where it happened…. it was so incredibly unexpected, I trusted him sooo much. But the hardest part is telling people.. I first told my older sister, then his younger sister.. then finally the police and my parents.. It’s always a hard thing to live with but it’s 1,000 times harder suffering in silence.. If you have had anything happen to you please, tell someone, it will help you.

  2. How ugly was this girl that you were best friends with her and she was into you and you didn't want to date her at all? Also, remember when this channel wasn't super depressing?

  3. I’m a trans guy and I was super fucking depressed while dating this girl and she made me feel like shit. She would tell me if I died no one would care and she would “break up” with me over and over and when she did try to leave me I took a fist full of sleeping pills. She took me back becouse “being single is boring” and I was an idiot and took her back. We started drinking one day and I passed out when I woke up I was on her bed and I had no pants. I found out she had sexually abused me while I was sleeping threw her friend who she told. She broke up with me after that becouse I changed my hair and I became an alcoholic. Every time I drank I took my clothes off and cried but I didn’t care because it made me feel better. I see her at school and I hate her now. She told me if I was a real man I would want sex all the time.

  4. My first girlfriend told me she was going to cut her self if I didn't intertain her and after crying to The whole world and not getting the attention she was apparently starved for (she basically owned me I wasn't allowed to be alone or talk to any one else ) she start burning herself on a stove and blamed it on me for leaving her

  5. To be honest this video shows that guys aren’t the only ones who can abuse someone and I really feel like that’s good because usually if there’s a story about someone being sexually abused it’s usually about a woman being abused by a man, and now a bunch of 6 year olds will yell at me saying SEXIST!!!!! I know that because I used to be that person

  6. You were abused by 2 people, her and yourself. I understand this well. You are a good person, ever so the tortured soul. You will do well to open up about this and also by continuing your art.

  7. I don’t this sort of thing is ever that black and white, especially for the ones in the relationship. I think that’s what makes it so mentally fucking

  8. I’m not in a Love relationship, I’m in an Abusive, Toxic friendship with my So called best friend. She treats me like dirt and never really Cared about me. I Had to apologize for the Fights SHE caused, I had to stick up for HER when People used to Talk “bad” about her. But they were right! She is Rude and Disrespectful. Why am I so silent about This? I just care for her too much. I Don’t wanna be silent anymore

  9. Just by making a video like this, you've helped a lot of people who deal with these things and suffer in silence feel like they can talk about it. I'm saying this from the perspective of someone whose friend saw this and immediately talked to me about something very personal about him. I greatly respect what you've done, and if it's at all worth anything I'm sorry for all that. But you've helped other people out of this, you've touched so many lives and made people have the confidence to talk. We're all happy to listen to you Tom 😁

  10. Tomska this has happened to me before.
    So it was in summer camp and I was 8 years old. There was this girl who had a crush on me like so much and I told her I had a crush on another girl ((I am a transgender but I am a lesbian)) which was my best freind as soon as 3rd grade.So she threatend me that if I did not accept her then she would abuse herself and blame it on me and she threatened to kill my family and my freinds.I told the head owners about it and they chatted with her and then when summer was over and I went to school I saw her there and I was frightend and almost all my freinds were sick that day so I could only play with my fake freinds but they dont bully me I ust thought they were my freinds but they just lied but I forgave them even if they did not apoligize and my first kiss was in front of her so she started cutting herself and I felt like a total idiot for not accepting her but I did not was to cheat on my 'freind' ((Yeah we love eachother now so sooner or later we aint freinds no more we love buddies :3)) so she ended up being sent to a diffrent school but her last words to me was ''Your an asshole'' and then she left.

  11. It doesn't matter if your a boy or a girl, abuse is abuse. It sucks, I know. Don't really know how to explain this….well since everyone is telling there story, I might as well

    To be fair, this isn't really abuse, this was rape kind of

    Okay so one day I was with my cousin at my aunt's house. He brought me to his room and told me to take my pants off. I trusted him so I did. And I also did it because….he was older than me so I thought he knew what he was doing. He told me to get into bed with him and hug him, with my pants and underwear off. I did as he said. Why? Because I was young, stupid, and I trusted him. I even kind if knew it was wrong. He was even telling me stuff like, "if my mom comes in, pretend we're sleeping".


    So yeah.

    Tomska this doesn't make you any less a man, thanks for sharing your story. It helps a lot of people tell there stories too we

  12. You are NOT a pansie you are very brave for sharing your story don't you ever think otherwise Tom. It was good that you shared your story and I'm sorry for not hearing about it sooner. I'm sorry you had to go through that, truth is no one should. But it was great that you shared your story, now you have (and I'm sure its true!) inspired so many more people (specifically men) to share their stories and that was wonderful.
    Thank you for reading, I hope the best for you

  13. When I was 16, I was manipulated and coerced losing my virginity with an older man. Ultimately, I said yes. Was this okay? No. I say have said initially said yes, but I was still manipulated into it. It hurt and I screamed no, but he shushed me and convinced me to let him continue. Consent by manipulation isn't consent.

  14. people react to girls talking about abuse: ''i'm so sorry for you''
    people react to boys talking about abuse: ''lol u pussy a girl aboose you''

  15. Nah Don't feel like it

    I have been sexually abused by my step cousin and my parents didn't believe until he tried to do it a second time this made me scared for life because they still made me go to his birthday parties and everything the same happened with my ex boyfriend when he tried to get me to do something I didn't want to do but this time I told him to stop and severely injured him now that I figured out I'm a lesbian I still get scared when I'm alone with a boy in a room or when someone tries to get into a relationship with me.
    This will probably just get lost in a sea of comments but of all the places to share this your vids make me feel a tad bit safer thank you
    And no one deserves to get this type of stuff at such a young age.

    Thank you for listening

  16. The thing is now, if you hear the words “abusive relationship” you automatically think: Guy is abusive to a girl. This is never always the case and this needs to be heard more often. Thank you so much for speaking up against this.

  17. I've had it the same with my first relationship .. maybe besides sex but still… I still can't forgive my ex for what she was like to me and my god I'm happy that we don't talk anymore

  18. To be honest not a lot of men say these kind of things because society labels them as someone who is weak when it comes to them showing emotions and stuff similar to that, like they are also humans who can feel whenever they want to! Not being able to feel is hard, but trying to hide it is the worse. I applaud you Tom for sharing this with us.

  19. As a female it makes me so angry hearing how it "more serious" if a woman goes through something like this than a man. And that is just fucked up. It doesn't matter what gender you identify yourself as. Abuse of ANY KIND is unacceptable and can have a really bad effect on mental health. We should all be equal because at the end of the day we r all humans.

  20. nerdy cat studios

    you have been through so much. It would be a lie to say you were flawed, but it would be heartless to say you deserved any of the stuff (the stuff mentioned or not) you had to go through. Life just isn't fair. It's sad to see someone like you, who I know has a big heart and who is always striving to be better being treated this way. One could say you could always say no to these things, but honestly, I can say we'd all do the same if we were put in your position. I mean what were you supposed to do? Like many things in this world, nothing is black and white, and there are not "one size fits all" solutions to these kinds of things.

  21. When I was about 13, I was sexually abused by an older woman.

    My father and I were homeless, then he introduced me to that woman and said we'd stay at hers. I didn't know her but I trusted his decision.

    It was a very small place with one double bed and a couch. He took the couch and I slept with her in the bed. I thought he was doing me a favour by giving me the more comfortable spot.

    She abused me several nights in my sleep until I woke up and snapped. My father never acknowledged it although he heard everything. It took me 14 years to admit I had been raped.

    I recently read about a woman who sexually abused a child, with evidence and footage of it. The court did not charge her with pedophilia because "female pedophilia does not exist", according to the psychiatrist who worked on the case.

    I have a lot of trouble letting a girl get close to me, even if I love her. There isn't a day I'm not thinking of killing myself.

    Thank you for opening up.

  22. So because I'm bad at emotions I'm just gonna leave a comical comment to lighten the mood.

    Tom's telling this emotional story in front of a wall of guns.

  23. Thank you for speaking up, this shows how strong you are, we all love you so much and we’re here for you ❤️

  24. My first relationship was awful, on both sides.
    I admitted my faults to them, I was uncaring, clingy, too depressed, overwhelming. I was in and out of hospitals due to suicide attempts and I let her know. I didn’t mean to sound like it was their fault, I just didn’t want them to get worried. One day I was being escorted by the police, I tell them about this and then they did something I haven’t forgave them: made fun of me with their friend and posting it on their Instagram account. They did a lot of things that hurt me: called me names, said I was too annoying, said that I needed to change (mainly the stuff I couldn’t change about myself), made me feel unworthy of love, made me feel weak. Then, they touched me. Without consent. In public. They tried this a lot and when I tried to shrug it off they said I was “No fun”. I felt used and like a burden. I knew they hated me, and I knew the relationship was abusive. I didn’t break up with them until about a year into the relationship because I got used to the pain and without it I thought I would be nothing. I finally gathered up the courage and told them I was going to leave (tried to get back with them a couple of times, depression makes you irrational). A week later they wanted advice from me to hook up with this girl from Ireland. I complied and told them what to do, they thanked me and acted like it wasn’t a big deal. This is getting long, and they probably will see this. If they’re reading this: I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve put you through, but it doesn’t excuse the actions that you did upon me.

  25. Haha, this really made me want to hug you. It wasnt ur fault, which i hope you know by now, and you saying that has helped me? If that makes sense haha

  26. I was still laughing after watching a funny video, um…and then I read the title……I…about cried…remembering my friends' and mines' stories…

  27. I think Tom is one of those people who you think of when you go through something shit. I think Tom is one of those amazing human beings and I'm really glad I found his channel about a year or so ago. You've been through some crap but that doesn't make you any more of a bad person

    Next time when your in a crummy situation, think of these words: Has someone gone through worse?
    (Also I know I'm 3 years late)

  28. The thing that I found most heart breaking about just the entire situation we live in is that if a man rapes a woman he will go to prison for life under uk law, however in UK law a woman cannot get charged with rape, the most she can be charged with is sexual assault. I wish I was joking and I was able to say "Haha I tricked you" but no in UK law a woman cannot be charged with rape, and that's fucked up

  29. When I left my first husband, I did it with the full knowledge and understanding that he might kill himself (he had many loaded guns and had talked about doing that), but I was afraid he was going to kill our baby, or me, so I left anyway. He is still alive and a pain (having a baby together means you can't legally get completely away), but I am still glad he is alive.

  30. Honestly, people think that men can’t get abused, especially by women. Thank you for proving that your gender does not matter when it comes to abuse.

  31. It’s not quite your choice when you’ve been so coerced/pushed and were manipulated like so. Been there. It sucks, and you do feel like you were the one in the wrong for the longest time. You were not.

  32. Annika Oehlenschlæger

    I just wanna mention that abuse (physically or emotionally) can happen to anyone. I'm a girl who used to he in a toxic relationship with another girl. And I was abused by this girl and have been hospitalized twice because of her. So yeah, it can happen to anyone. Please don't diminish people's experiences because of stereotypes.

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