A Father Shares His Story of Childhood Abuse With the Sons He Abandoned | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN

A Father Shares His Story of Childhood Abuse With the Sons He Abandoned | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN


I chose the drugs
over you guys. I’ve never sat down and
told you the whole story. So what’s the whole story? My life just been
stolen from me. IYANLA VANZANT: Sound familiar? [INTERPOSING VOICES] –have a childhood either. I was in the streets
at 10 years old and my innocence was just taken. There was incest in my family
and I was touched by a family member and I blocked that
for so long, when I turned 15 years old I gravitated
to alcohol so I didn’t have to feel that [BLEEP]. And I ran with that
for 30-some odd years before I started
talking about it. I’m not– I’m not running
around here with a lie anymore. I been running around too
long with this [BLEEP].. I need to release this whether
y’all want to hear it or not, but I need to release
this for myself. And I want to hear. Because this
[BLEEP] is killing me. And I don’t like to bring
up Laverne in this equation because she’s not here.
– Right. – She can’t defend herself.
– You know. IYANLA VANZANT: Wait a minute. Why does she have
to defend herself? Why can’t it just
be her cup of pain? Because what you just said. His cup of pain is
ours or her cup– I mean, it’s all– That’s right and it’s
just a cup of pain. So I don’t want to hear crazy
stories about my mom and– But he knows her
in a– remember? Remember I told you– Everything’s unsure right now. Wait a minute. He still knows her and
the woman that he knows is not your mother because
how you hold your mother and how he holds the woman
he had a relationship with, they’re two different things. So then if that’s
the fact, why were you not there at her funeral? I want to know. For a [BLEEP] the
kids you abandoned you had a whole relationship
with this woman, and you didn’t even show face. So I want to know why. I was strung out
on drugs and um– Cue the violin. –I just couldn’t– I couldn’t make it. IYANLA VANZANT:
Most drug addicts don’t keep appointments. This wasn’t an appointment. This was a death. I’ve been on drugs
for over 30 years and you asking me a
question that I just can’t really answer you right now. The drugs controlled me. I know you’re hurt. I may not– I never said anything to
you, I didn’t know how. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what
steps to take. How could I approach my
own kids and tell them my pain and why they got pain? IYANLA VANZANT: And where
do you go from here? Who knows? I can’t predict the future. I can’t go back in the past. I can’t change
anything that happened but I just know that nobody
should have to go through this [BLEEP], none of us. Ignorance is no excuse. I should have stepped
up but I didn’t. All I want is a
relationship with y’all. Y’all can give a [BLEEP] if
I’m not your father or not. Maybe you don’t but I do.

56 thoughts on “A Father Shares His Story of Childhood Abuse With the Sons He Abandoned | Iyanla: Fix My Life | OWN”

  1. I am so astounded by the number of kids that are being touched inappropriately by adults. Why are people hiding thus mess in families, and the rich getting away with human trafficking young girls? GOD is about to do another Sodom and Gomorrah. Have mercy, I will run

  2. The father is too abrasive and selfish… It was difficult to have sympathy for him.
    Wishing them all the best tho

  3. The father seemed like a slick talking used car salesmen. He seemed to be dishonest and full of excuses. He rubbed me the wrong way.

  4. At the age of 20 – 30, we avoid processing our pain then at 50 we have messed up our children. I am so glad I am talking about my abuse before I have children. Those will be lucky children.

  5. Eventually Cornelius will understand that he does not need a relationship with this man whether he’s his father or not. At the end of the day, it’s how he treats his family and his own kids that counts. He can’t carry this legacy of abuse and negligence any further. He needs to give up on all if this built up angst over a relationship with his father because that’s already the past. That man already did all the parenting he was capable of. Heal YOURSELF Cornelius and move forward.

  6. This is so sad. And hit home Although I always took care of my son, I know I showed a bad example listen to him https://youtu.be/D_PpYuSrVjY
    https://youtu.be/ip2OIKqTH9M

  7. I never can understand these so call parent, if you have a bad child hood feel the pain of neglect, WHY in God's name would you subject your children to the same pain, he is jus another worthless dead beat Father.

  8. Unless you have ever experienced addiction or had a family member that was, you will never understand this man. Drug addicts are not normal people who think rational. The wake up in the morning looking for drugs and go to sleep thinking how or what they need to do to get their drugs. That is their priority and everything else is secondary, including relationships, family and children. The father didn't offer an excuses. He told the hard truth. Drug addiction possesses the soul, mind and spirit of an individual. We can't nor should we judge what we don't understand. We need to listen and be educated and stop judging from a clean and sober mind because that father was none of that.

  9. y'all killing me in the comments expecting good ppl out of addicts. of course he's rotten and a slick talker, what addict isn't? he doesn't expect your sympathy. he gave up on life decades ago, let alone the expectations of other. chasing his next high was probably the only keeping him alive to be here today with the task of trying to explain the obvious.

  10. I live that same pain right now today, my children were separated from me. And adopted yet I have not been able to give them the real facts about how it all went wrong. I'm not speaking for anyone's sympathy, just know we as humans share so much pain alike, but yet we lack the real love towards each other… the world of ppl I knew and grew with , continue to lol at my pain.. then said I was insane for not knowing how to handle my own pain…hoping one day b4 I expired from this life I will see my twin boys to tell all of what happened and I'm most truly sorry for it all…if you may happen to read this… they were born July 21st, 1993…

  11. Yazmin Ramos Hernandez

    Cry me a river… I had a worse childhood and raised all my kids…
    Parenthood is a RESPONSABILITY.
    IF YOU CANT HANDLE IT THEN DONT HAVE CHILDREN… In other words, if you can't man up then KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS…

  12. I think he just didn't care and was young doing what he wanted to do and now that he is 50 years old he expects his sons to look after him. Selfish man.

  13. That's totally sad when parents and the children miss out on a relationship because of the choices that parents choose to make. Both suffer!!!

  14. Cornell C. Sewell

    THANK YOU ALL FOR WATCHING OUR STORY! If you want to continue this journey with me follow my channel here and catch me on IG @cornellcsewell #BlessedBe ❤️

  15. This episode was strictly about the father finding out if these boys are his sons. He is looking for more from them, than he gave to them. He is a recovering addict, who has not recovered from being selfish. Its all good that he revealed his pain, but he should be willing to take things at their pace based on what they need, not what he wants and needs. He said it himself, " ignorance is no excuse".

  16. Having a bad childhood is not an excuse to abandon your children and responsibility… Accept your past and walk into your future not looking back.
    Raise your kids better than you were treated.

  17. I'm tired of seeing our pple suffering. I'm soooooo thankful there's no perverts in my family and if it is, my loving mother protected me from them.

    This perversion has ruined our pple….its unacceptable 😢

  18. And another thing my ex husband was molested and he NEVER neglected his children or turned into a crackhead. You don't get to excuse parenthood bcuz of abuse,sorry not sorry.

  19. I like how Iyanla had brief quiet moments. I've noticed in a few recent episodes. It allows the guest to feel safe to express more. She's definitely grown in this area.

  20. Blaming his own childhood to excuse giving his own kids the same treatment . If ur life was soooo bad, then why wouldn't u do EVERYTHING in ur power to do the opposite of how you were raised? . What a coward. Young , black men need role models. This dad was better off dead, than ruining these young men! . I hope these 3 can lead productive lives, and stop this stereotypical cycle. Good luck! Do the right thing, young men!!

  21. Well the father didn’t come to the fine because like Iyanla said drug addicts don’t keep appointments. When someone does drugs they don’t care about anyone but the drug itself. Like damn why aren’t they just as upset and angry at the mom who was doing the same things he was

  22. When a father is fessing up and telling his story just listen. No judgment. We all have our own issues and drugs that chose us. No one can really know how painful the pain of abuse from childhood. My father never told he loved me but I knew he loved me. He was an abuser from being abuse neglected and mistreated by his parents. You do what you know until you learn a different way to do it.

  23. Nothing gets better if you can't stop the anger. Iyanla masterfully helped these boys turn that anger into eyes that see.This is the beginning where it starts. Thank u Iyanla.

  24. Drugs are psychologically transformative and destroys not only the individual but everything around it, including communities. He getting himself clean is one of the greatest acts of strength, courage and endurance because the course getting clean of it don’t end when you get clean, it’s a constant battle with self to stay that way. It’s like a person who has problems with being with one person, once you decide to be with one person doesn’t mean the issues you have with cheating ends, it’s a constant effort to do so. It’s all psychological and in the end we all are damaged in some way, our habits however excessive reveals that. You over shop because? You’re always on Facebook and Instagram posting and trolling because? You sleep around a lot because? You don’t have deep and meaningful friends and relationships because? You’re afraid of loving and being loved because? You have trust issues because? You procrastinate because? You’re not where you want to be in your life because? Ask yourself some questions in regards to why you have the negative habits you have and you’ll be surprised at the similarities between you and a drug addict. Basically, stop judging others and judge yourself. And no, I’ve never used drugs or alcohol but I was addicted to the ladies but I’ve changed and it’s a constant struggle to remain true to one woman. I’m going 13yrs strong and, I’ve learned to put myself in others shoes and to be thankful and humble. It’s cool, you should try it!

  25. This man: a , dad, plays the blame pity victim thing ..irresponsible…like Oprah's dad, "just wanted to know what's under the poodle dress".. life is about self belief…even hitler, however evil, still had faith…however not good…it just shows u the power of belief and choice

  26. Its soo sadd with our black men,he is big grown man stull lookin street and tryin to be gangsta gol chains get some therapy if it takes your whole life work on your faith with God.

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