10 SHOCKING Facts About DOMESTIC ABUSE

10 SHOCKING Facts About DOMESTIC ABUSE


According to the CDC, roughly 10 million people
every year are subject to spousal abuse of some kind, and this doesn’t even count the
abuse numbers perpetrated against children by a battering parent. Domestic violence is a huge problem, and shutting
it down while also dealing with the spread is an issue society has been trying to get
a handle on for some time now. As we talk about below, there are many disturbing
facts surrounding domestic abuse, and those who perpetuate it. Some of these facts make it difficult to stop
the abusers, or end the cycle of violence, and some of the laws meant to protect everyone
make it easier for the abuser to continue harming others, walking free of consequences. 10. Many Abusers Walk Free Because They Convinced
Their Victim To Recant Their Testimony Domestic abusers usually finally get caught
because there is a disturbance heard by the neighbors and the police are called, or the
victim finally decides to call themelves. In these situations, there is often an arrest
made, and the police will take a statement from the victim. This witness statement is important in taking
down the abuser and getting them locked up where they belong, but sadly the abuser often
walks free. Many victims are either attached to the person
who abused them, or somehow fear retribution, and end up later recanting their testimony. This makes it very hard for the prosecutors
to really go forward with the case, and it often means the abuser goes entirely scot
free. To make matters worse, in these situations,
the abuse victim nearly always ends up back with the abuser. In some situations, this means the batterer
is still also around the children as well – if there are any. It is simply far too easy for testimony to
be recanted later after the victim has had too much time to think about how they might
want to protect their abuser from the law – clearly this needs to change. Prosecutors need better methods to bring airtight
cases, so that one issue like that doesn’t leave a violent and dangerous person free
to do what they wish. 9. Many Domestic Abuse Victims Come To Believe
They Deserve It Many people who are abused will stay with
the person hurting them long past when they really should, leading those who have never
been in such a situation to ask “why did you not leave?” Many simply do not understand the reasons
it can occur, but guilt and lack of self esteem is one of the biggest. The person manipulating them will often go
to great pains to bring down their sense of self worth, make them feel like they are useless,
or only worthwhile when the abuser gives them their praise and ‘love’. This means since the abuse victim is trained
not to believe the abuser could be doing anything wrong, as they are needed and important in
their life, they convince themselves that they are doing wrong and deserving of the
abuse. This leads them to lose more self esteem,
makes them less likely to seek help, and firmly puts them in the clutches of the predator
controlling them. Since they are convinced they deserve it,
their tormenter can pretty much do what they want, and they will still think they are the
one who did wrong. Anyone who is abused should remember that
you never deserve abuse, it is never your fault, and even if you have made excuses for
them in the past, or allowed them to get away with it before, it is still wrong and they
have no right to violate you in any way. 8. Oftentimes Victims Of Abuse Grow Up To Be
Abusers Themselves Many people would like to think that the world
is a bright and shiny place where people who go through horrible things learn from it and
would never imagine doing it to others. Sadly, this isn’t really the world we live
in. While the majority of people who are abused
do manage to break the cycle, there is a cycle and the amount of people who get caught up
in it is rather alarming. Statistics peg the amount of abused children
who grow up to be abusers themselves as somewhere between 30-40%, which is a much higher number
than many of us are comfortable with. The truth is that development as a young child
is crucially important and children who are abused learn violence at an early age, and
also often don’t have very secure attachments with their parents, which makes it harder
for them to form secure attachments with their children later on. Experts believe with proper intervention and
education that more people can break the cycle, but it is an uphill battle. Someone who has been abused at an early age
has already gone through great trauma, and helping them get the help they need as early
on in life as possible is paramount. 7. Men Can Also Be Victims Of Domestic Abuse,
But Are Much Less Likely To Report It When anyone talks about men being victims
of domestic violence, people either tend to think of it as a joke, they think you are
talking about gay men, or they are a men’s rights activist trying to make a point. However, sadly while many people do not take
it seriously, domestic abuse against males is far more common than most people would
think. Overall, while most people would think women
make up the vast majority, men actually make up about 40% of domestic abuse victims. Unlike women, though, they are much less likely
to report it. Many men are afraid they simply will not be
taken seriously, told to man up, or other comments that assume a man is not capable
of being abused by another person, especially a woman. For gay men, it can be an even more difficult
situation. Many people do not approve of their relationship
to begin with, which narrows down the amount of people they can talk to. A lot of people do not respect gay people,
or think that one is the “woman” in a relationship and will often play it off that
way as well. More often than not whether straight or gay,
the man will simply not report it out of shame, because society teaches men they are supposed
to look and act tough at all times. Sadly, this means many men who are abused
are not getting the help they need, and are continually victimized. 6. Many Victims Of Abuse Stay For Their Kids Many people wonder why domestic abuse victims
stay, and one of the most common ones is actually for the children. Many victims are worried that if they leave,
there will be no buffer between the kids and the batterer. To make matters worse, if the victim leaves
without taking the kids with them, the abuser can harm the kids in their absence. However, if the victim takes the children
without first getting proper orders from the court, this could be used against them so
the abuser can end up with legal custody – this puts the victim in a really tight position. They essentially have to get in touch with
the police and press charges, knowing the abuser could harm the children or themselves
while awaiting full court proceedings – which can take some time. In many situations the victim is horrified
that the abuser will go crazy when the game is up and become incredibly violent and dangerous. With the law not working as fast as they would
prefer, many simply stay silent and try to protect their kids and take the anger and
blows for them. They are gripped in fear by a monster who
wants to control them, and are often left with very few options open to them. 5. Abusers With Drug Problems Will Convince Themselves
They Are Not Bad People Many abusers have drug problems, as many of
you probably already know. Whether the drug problem is partly due to
abuse they experienced, or more the main cause of their terrible behavior or not, it can
make for the worst kind of abuser. This type will be really nice when they are
sober, or sometimes it is the opposite – they will be really nice as long as they have their
drug of choice. However, if they are in the wrong mental state,
people will be hurt, and children and spouses will be abused and traumatized. These people will convince themselves they
are still good people, explaining it away as the drug doing the work. They will keep telling themselves that they
will quit, and find it easy to make excuses, since they often don’t remember what they
did during their rage blackouts. Unfortunately, spouses are also often likely
to defend this type of abuser, because they see the nice person they can be at times,
and try to defend who they believe the person “really is inside.” People like this often need serious treatment
for substance abuse, and have had trauma in their past that causes them to lash out at
others when they are in that specific mental state. They may not necessarily be evil people, but
they probably should be somewhere they cannot hurt others. 4. Well-Meaning Spouses Who Protect Their Abusers
Often Cause More Harm To Their Children Some spouses really simply believe that their
abuser is actually a good person. They will defend them to the ends of the earth,
and in their mind, there is really nothing going wrong. Oftentimes this is the type of situation where
the spouse may not actually be the victim of most of the abuse, but the children are
really taking the brunt. Sometimes these spouses are so blinded by
their love and devotion to their partner that they shrug off what is definitely physical
abuse as just being “tough love.” In many of these sad situations, it takes
intervention from extended family members, teachers, or others to notice something, and
can often still be an uphill battle. The spouse will be convinced that it’s just
strong discipline and that their devoted partner is really super gentle. They will go to great lengths to defend them,
while the child continues to be hurt. Sometimes they simply cannot accept that the
person they love is violent or dangerous, and other times they do not understand how
the strength of their spouse, or their own strength, is hurting their children. Some people caught up in these situations
do not mean ill, but do not understand their own strength, or the harm a strong adult can
do a child when physical discipline is taken too far. Some spouses caught in situations like these
realize something is wrong, but are not sure if it is bad enough to ruin their marriage
and go to all the trouble over. This can lead to allowing a sitution that
is dangerous for the children to go on, and on. 3. Domestic Abusers Usually Abuse Both Their
Spouse And Children If Applicable While we did talk about situations where only
one or sometimes both parents are abusing the children, and not each other, more often
than not abuse of one implies abuse of others. People who tend to be violent against other
people are often not that discriminatory in who they hurt. They are often broken or damaged people lashing
out at others in an attempt to quell their own internal pain and trauma. When they reach that point, whether out of
anger, or brought about by drugs, where they want to cause pain, the target they go for
is simply usually whoever is closest and most convenient. This means that in most cases, abuse of a
spouse usually implies abuse of children and of course the other way around as well. There is also reason to believe that those
who abuse their spouses are not only likely to abuse their children, but very likely to
make that abuse of a sexual nature as well, instead of simply being violent. These people often do a really good job of
putting on a respectable public face to the world, and will often keep the family under
brutal psychological control so that they don’t spill the beans to others. Many abusers are very charismatic in their
own way, and this is part of how they manage to keep people in line. Sometimes they will be mean, but other times
they will act almost unnervingly nice. One study that delved into the matter looked
into 1,000 women who were victims of abuse, and found that in 70% of cases, violence against
children was also a regular problem from their spouse. To make matters worse, the more children there
were in the family, the more likely there was to be child abuse as well – although
the abuse of the children was usually less brutal than that directed toward the spouse. 2. Most Households With Physical Abuse Also Have
Instances Of Sexual Abuse As we mentioned above, homes that have physical
abuse going on are often also home to sexual abuse. However, it may be more common than most people
would like to believe. People who abuse their wives are about 4 to
6 times more likely to sexually abuse their children, and about seven times more likely
to hit their children. According to studies, about half of abusers
who take part in incestual practices also hit the mother of the children they are having
incestual relations with. Experts are now suggesting that if there is
any past history of violence against the spouse, that authorities should treat it as a strong
possibility that the children are also being physically and sexually abused. Some researchers caution, though, that people
shouldn’t focus too much on the physical or sexual aspects and forget the root causes
or the more invisible abuse. These abusers are often incredibly skilled
at manipulating their victims psychologically, and have a pattern of behavior that victimizes
others in general. These people cannot simply be taught not to
hit others, as the issue is far more complicated than that. These abusers often have serious issues that
involve past life experiences or upbringing, and changing their attitude properly could
be a very long and complicated process even if they were willing. 1. Far Too Often, The Abuser Ends Up With At
Least Partial Custody Of The Children Most people would think that if someone is
being abused by a spouse, and they decide to leave, no matter the circumstances, that
they will end up with the children. Unfortunately, the children are far too often
caught in a dangerous situation where the abuser ends up with full or at least partial
custody – allowing them to continue to wreak physical and emotional harm. What happens is that people will sometimes
leave while leaving the children behind – even if they can make a decent case they were abused,
this can make it difficult to get full custody later, as you abandoned the children. On the other hand, if you take them with you,
you can also be in a situation where you end up losing custody, or not getting it fully. The reason for this is that your spouse has
partial rights to the children until the court decides otherwise, so if you take them away
without a court order, they may just side against you. This gets more complicated by the fact that
proving domestic violence can sometimes be a “he said, she said” situation, and while
kids can be witnesses, they can also be unreliable witnesses at times. They may lie to stay with one parent they
like, or not understand the situation properly. In one horrible case, a woman was shortly
with an abusive boyfriend, and he got in touch with her again later and found out she had
had a child that was actually his. He demanded partial custody just to get in
touch with her, even though they were not even close. He just wanted to spite her. After getting orders for partial custody,
she was so scared of him being in control of her baby that she fled across the country
with the child. Unfortunately, this caused her to lose all
rights to her baby and the child ended up permanently with her abusive former boyfriend. This sad story shows that when it comes to
domestic violence issues, we still have a long way to go in ensuring the right thing
happens, justice is served, and children end up with the people who will take good care
of them.

100 thoughts on “10 SHOCKING Facts About DOMESTIC ABUSE”

  1. Best book on domestic violence and how to cope healthfully with it, "Why Does He Do That?" by Dr Li(u)ndy Bancroft. Seriously, check it out especially before you get into an unwell relationship or giving an opinion or advice to anyone on this topic. Stay safe and strong. Peace, Regan 🌈

  2. This is so true!!! Growing up as an abused girl (it only stopped when Momma reminded my Daddy I was married. I grew into an abused wife. When I kicked him to the curb, I transferred into an abusive Mother.
    When I realized what I had done to my son I called CPS to come take my kids and I went into counseling to change how I reacted when angry. My son has since forgiven me.

  3. I am now working on forgiveness to my paternal grandmother. I could never understand why she was so mean (she told my Daddy a lie and watched with a smile while he used a switch I had to bring to him). After counseling I understood WHY I was his victim. An abuser will abuse the sex that started with them.

  4. This is a brilliant and important video. However, should you ever do a follow up, I'd like you to add one more factor – pets. This is a huge factor that many do not understand. There are many abuse victims who do not have children, but that's not my point. Should a victim, male or female, escape their abuser, most shelters do not include sanctuary for pets. Often, for victims, their beloved cat or dog is all they have for love. They will not leave them with their abuser, as more than likely, the pet is being abused, as well. Many abusers will take it out on the beloved pet, should the victim leave them. Animal welfare advocates, such as myself, are working to remedy this difficult situation. It's a very slow process. I'm an abuse survivor, myself, but I was lucky enough to take my beloved pet with me. I can honestly say that if I couldn't have taken her with me, I wouldn't have left. Please, if you ever follow up on this, include the innocent pets and the danger they also face. Keep up the great work you are doing. I thoroughly enjoy your educational videos.

  5. Most depressing about male victims: many states have a law where in any Domestic Violence call, the man MUST be arrested and charged, even if he called and has clearly been the one getting hurt and it is happening in front of the police.

  6. Truthfully I kinda expected you to list some stuff that is unexpected like the fact that 70% of the time the abuse is instigated by the female in a male female relationship.

  7. Fortunately, in some states in the US, it doesn't matter if the abused person doesn't follow thru in processing and filing charges against the abuser; if police are called and report domestic abuse, the state the abuser has broken the law will press domestic violence charges. This is much better for the abused because the abuser cannot blame them for filing charges against them, which would cause more violence and possible death of the abused.

  8. #7. However, it would have been nice if you had touched on the fact that when a man tries to defend himself, he is the one who goes to jail most times and it is very easy for a woman to play the victim. The actual victim then becomes a victim of not only the abuser but also of the system making it impossible to trust even the system. So, why report abuse if the victim is afraid of, yet again, becoming the victim of the system? Trust me, I know first hand.

  9. Brandyce Wonderland

    They will hurt your pets and use them as leverage against you….when you have nowhere to go with your pets you stay to protect them.

  10. Informative video. Also worth mentioning trauma bonding through intermittent reinforcement.
    Abuse can create physical changes in the brain, brain damage for those abused. I have been in a number of these nightmare situations, always escaping once the violence started. I recently discovered I was raised by PERSONALITY DISORDERED parents and had repeated the pattern by 'dating' personality disordered men. The discovery of narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder meant I could explain some of the patterns of behavior exhibited by ex partners. Remember it is NEVER your fault and there is ALWAYS a way out, even if it seems impossible at the time. Thanks for your video.

  11. # 8 my father was abused by his father and I refused to treat my kids like that because I remembered how ugly inside my father used to make me feel withhis unfair beatings .

  12. Humans have a terrible habit of seeing what they want to see in others, I think this is how absusers get away with it. The partner remembers the early romance, kids love their parents and the abuser grinds their victim down and ruins their reputation so the abuser gets sympathy. My advice is don’t be blinded by people, if you know someone in a relationship who’se become withdrawn, has less money for themselves or gives up on work and hobbies gently try and find out what’s going on.

  13. I think the reason why some abuse victims defend or still love their abusers can be explained similarly to Stockholm syndrome. Where a hostage victim has sympathy and will defend there captor. Except in the case of of abuse it's the abuser and the abuse victim.

    I just try to remind my friends that have opened up to me about there childhood abuse stories that what there abuser did to them is explainable but it's not excusable. Because they seem to be defending there abusers to me.

    Intergenerational abuse is an explanation not an excuse.

    It must be hard to leave someone who you love that is hurting you. Especially when it seems like you have no other choice. Or literally can't leave without getting that person in trouble with the law because they are your guardian or parent. It must make victims feel very stuck and alone.

  14. Very brave of you to speak up about this issue. However, what about psychological abuse, such as gaslighting? Not all domestic abuse is physical violence and non consensual sex

  15. 69 pathetic sexist geeks disliked……ironically abusers, much like racists, tend to come from the same type of people

  16. My boyfriend was in a relationship with a narcissist before me. She made him feel worthless and even went as far as physically abusing him. When we first got together, he told me to leave him because he was worthless. I thought it was just depression until I tried to hug him, only for him to pull away and flinch at any movement I made. I asked him very gently if he had been hurt by anyone before, and he nodded. I was certain he was, as he showed multiple signs of abuse, but I didn't expect an honest answer. After he nodded, I told him that he didn't deserve it and was right and brave to leave that situation. We've been together for 2 tears now and he has recovered and his true self is showing. He amazes me every day! There is hope for abuse victims!

  17. I was never hit, but was subjected to emotional and psychological abuse. In fact, it took my soon-to-be-ex husband abandoning me and my 16 year old daughter to realize that he was even committing domestic violence at all! I can guarantee he will NEVER admit to it, but my daughter and I weren't allowed to look out windows, go outside, my daughter couldn't have friends over or go to friend's houses for at least 12 years. We ended up homeless because he refused to work…I can't work due to a seizure disorder,which he made worse, coupled with anxiety and PTSD.

  18. I half lived #4 (In that one of my parents wasn't trying to protect our abuser but was narcisstically abusive themselves so they didn't care about us enough to notice). And it's not just physical abuse that causes harm. I was only ever struck three times, and on the last two I was old enough to strike back and cause damage. I, however, have next to no self confidence and still have trouble making decisions when it comes to what other people want due to having insults screamed at me for doing something as simple as putting a mug in the wrong place, and because I was ignored unless they needed a baby sitter or I did something wrong. I have anxiety around people of certain ages, genders and body types, I stress over being as polite as possible to avoid negative reactions and I always instantly blame myself when something goes wrong regardless of how or why.

    Yet I was only ever hit three times. Abuse goes beyond the physical.

  19. the county I live in, if a charge of abuse is filed and the victim drops it, the state/county picks it up. The charge sticks

  20. if he's/she's hitting you shoot him/her, it's called self defence, if you have bruises all over your body. the courts are more likely to believe you

  21. Excellent video. This is an area that needs more awareness and more understanding. One thing I would add is that abuse is not limited to physical or sexual abuse, but also includes such things as psychological abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse and a number of other types. The symptoms can be harder to recognise but it all still comes down to control and manipulation.

  22. The premise of this show is that men are the main abuser. Proper research tends to find women are the abusers in over 70% of reported cases. Police and counsellers are often involved in dismissing evidence and even verballing men. In Canada the death sentence is only available for men accused of abuseing women.

  23. I have a friend who was sexually abused by his own mother. I don't think it's too far of a stretch to think his father was abused by her as well. 😞

  24. With number 4, I know that it's true because I was told that he would take my baby and get custody of her, which scared me a lot. I would have no money for a lawyer and he would possibly obtain custody of her at least partially, because it's hard to prove someone is not safe to have a child if they agressively pursue custody and have more money than you.

  25. If someone is being abused it’s because they allow it by staying. I can’t feel sorry for them since they have the power to change the situation.

  26. Staying with an abuser (spouses in particular) is not just about low self esteem, it can also be about a misguided sense of obligation & or picking the right moment to leave with the knowledge that leaving could have dire consequences & or also having in some way a feeling of pity or guilt for potentially emotionally hurting the abuser & last but not least, wanting to give your children the benefit of having both parents & because of naivety it takes a while to understand that the person you once loved will never change.

  27. In Michigan, the police will be the ones who charge the abuser, not the victim. This avoids the problem of the charges being dropped.

  28. Another that is quite often overlooked and makes the problem monumentally worse is the domestic abuse among police officers is double the US average. That alone is tragic, but compounding the issue is, with the abuser being a police officer, reporting the issue becomes troublesome because even if the partner tries to report it "The Thin Blue Line" dismisses the report, prosecutors fail to prosecute due to the abuser being part of "the system" and if it is ever prosecuted, the "he said, she said" in court quite often favors the police officer as they're seen as a more trustworthy person.
    The abuser seldom goes for treatment as they see that as being weak and, to many who take that job, they believe you can't show any weakness as a police officer.

  29. Why can’t there be a universal change of Law against domestic abuse? Sadly noted that oftentimes the abuser gets the upper hand because of these unfair law!

  30. Not only is it really likely that an abuser won't spare the kids, even if they technically do, the psychological damage of watching one parent beat the other totally counts as child abuse anyway.

  31. This sounds like me to a T… you wouldn't believe the horrible abuse I suffered at the hands of my evil brutal father, and it was all done with the infamous "I do this because I love you" excuse.

  32. Even though 30-40% of children who were abused become abusers, it means that 60-70% do not. The truth is that many abusers, like many bullies, aren't hurting inside, they are people who have personality disorders, like psychopaths and sociopaths as well as people with narcissistic personality disorder, and they actually enjoy inflicting pain, and the feeling of overpowering other people. Contrary to popular belief, these disorders aren't caused by poor upbringing, although environment plays a role in the way these disorders manifest. Domestic abuse can partly be attributed to these and related personality disorders, and not only adult survivors of child abuse. They are not uncommon.

  33. I am happy that you brought up that there are male victims of domestic violence. But only 10% of male victims of domestic violence are in a same-sex relationship, while 54% of female victims of domestic violence are in a same-sex relationship. We also need to acknowledge that women are more likely to physically hurt their child/children than men.

  34. mental/emotional abuse is the most deadly form: it kills the person from inside without leaving a visible mark – you can't stick a band-aid on a wounded soul. "No physical bruises? you must be ok".
    and no one sex has a monopoly on being the victim or the abuser.
    I used to wonder about abused kids becoming abusing parents: after all, they know what it's like. But that's the problem; they DO know what it's like – and that's the only pattern they have, so they repeat it, and pass it on to future generations.

  35. I am 31 years old, an only child, and my mother is still in a toxic and abusive relationship with my father. While I've cut him off and see her in secret, I am literally at odds as to how I can best free her. She's completely aware of his abuse, knows it's wrong, and knows how much it hurts us all but at the end of the day, she has no escape. He's threatened to burn my grandparents to death from the age of 19, 3 months into their relationship. He's cheated on her and had the adacity to move his girlfriend into our home while my poor mother slept on the floor in my bedroom. He then ends up back with my mother and tricks her into marriage by proposing and booking their engagement and marriage the same day. We were in the next room waiting with a tacky wedding dress. I cried the entire time. Starting again as a beautiful woman in her mid-50's must be terrifying. I search the internet for local support networks in Perth WA but can't find anything to help build the courage to report him. The laws are slowly changing and victims are finally receiving more support. I need to help her though. If anyone has any links to any useful information I'd be forever grateful. xx

  36. Domestic abuse is not as big of an issue as it often seems. Women will often charge men with domestic abuse when they do not get what they want or when they simply do not like the other person.

  37. It is important for this subject to have the spotlight on it. That being said, there is no way this subject can be comprehensively analyzed in a 13 minute video. It is simply too complex. If that isn't an oxymoron. Kudos for making this video.

  38. A former army friend of mine,a genuinely tough combat veteran was abused by his wife, on reporting the abuse to the police he was mocked by police who used his veteran status as a point of mockery among other factors. He left and was bankrupted by the process as in Australia only men abuse women in the eyes of the rabid left who pollute Australian society.

  39. Sorry but "Men's rights activists trying to make a point"? What are you implying here? What point, that men can be victims too? That focusing on just female victims is inherently sexist? That our courts are set up in such a way that women, including female abusers, have all the power? Had MRAs not persistently been bringing this issues to light among persistent shower of "sexist" and "misogynist" accusations people would still think only women can be victims of domestic violence.

  40. I HAVE SEEN IT IN THE PAST,, SO I AM SINGLE (NEVER MARRIED NO CHILDREN AND NEVER WANTED TO HAVE ANY) HAVE HAD GIRL FRIENDS, BUT LIVE ALONE,,
    This is the result of a bad woman who had me,,

  41. Many times mental and emotional abuse from one side can lead to a physical reaction from the other side. Domestic abuse can take on a plethora of circumstances. While some people are just mean, period. Others may just react to abuse they have had to endure. The physical abuser is always the guilty party even if the physical abuser didn't start the issue leading to violence. If people see a need or desire to be abusive to a particular person (discounting people that are just mean to the core) then those people should stay away from each other. I know of instances where physical abuse took place because of mental abuse and the physical abuser left and was then threatened with all kinds of charges if that person didn't come back.

  42. My teacher talked about this in school. The best thing you can do if you think someone close to you is being abused it to write down what injuries they have on what days and try to get the person being abused to go to the police while you give them a place to stay.

  43. A lot of men also don't report abuse because odds are very high that they will be the one arrested regardless of the evidence. Police come into the situation assuming the man is guilty. Even if he is the only person with wounds and they are clearly defensive the burden of proof that he is a victim falls on him.

  44. Thank you for this video. I am a survivor of domestic abuse and as a result have developed PTSD. I am a smart, educated person but I was manipulated to believing that I deserved the abuse. I am lucky my daughter was very small and doesn't remember him hurting me

  45. Judith Huling-Cadieux

    I am a survivor: I survived sexual abuse as a child from a guy in the neighborhood, and I survived two abusive marriages. I have been single for 13 years…never again!!

  46. Ever been awoken by repeated kicks to the face? Yep. Men can be the victims too. Afterwards i made a joke about it. They should show this vid in schools.

  47. Number 8. Problem, with today's society, there are children who call in child abuse when they get punished for minor things. The result is the minor incidents get all the attention, while the major abuses go unchecked because in some cases too many calls are coming in.
    Numbers 3, 5 and 6, I used to be a cab driver taking quite a number of women with their children to safe houses. I can, at least second hand, can confirm this fear. Too many times

  48. The court system as well is used as a tool for abuse. The very same system who congratulates and encourages women to get out of abusive situations are the very same ones who then turn on the abused and punish her for not wanting to be in an abusive situation. Most of the time due to children involved. The abuser will use the kids as a means of control over the victim. Our judicial system has come far with helping to prevent DV however They Also have a long way to go as well. Our courts unfortunately do not understand DV completely. These victims mostly female go through so much more than others realize.

  49. Number 9: Well done Simon, your speech after the presentation was spot on mate, Awesome work, love your work !!! 🙂

    Edit: Simon, what did you mean on number 2 when you said Past Life Experiences?
    Once again Sir, excellent work.

  50. When it comes to emotional or psychological abuse: in the early stages of dating, mention something that really hurt you in the past (make up something fake that didn't really happen) and then get in a verbal argument with her two or three weeks later. If she brings up the thing you mentioned before, drop her like a bad habit.

  51. There should be a follow up video telling best possible options for the victim including the legal recourse as well as the societal help.

  52. It’s interesting that this video talks only about recanting testimony. In America, if the victim doesn’t appear at trial, and there are no other witnesses, the case is usually thrown out on that basis. DA’s in the US can easily deal with recanting victims by contrast

  53. Why did you only show women as abused. Go to a domestic Violence class an they are littered with women in there. Media will not ever report men being abused. MGTOW

  54. The Crafty Cyborg

    In many places, the victim can’t stop prosecution these days. It doesn’t matter what “they” want (Ie, what the abuser has told them to do), the police and courts push forward with everything they have. Now we just need to spread this practice to everywhere on earth.

  55. The Crafty Cyborg

    I understand all of well how a drug can turn someone into a ball of violent rage. I’ve been there, except in my case it wasn’t an illegal drug nor was I abusing it. It was a new medication that sent me over the edge. At one point I literally screamed in my mother’s face and tried to hit her because she said hi to me “the wrong way”. She promptly called my doctor and told them to change me drugs immediately. Thankfully they listened, I changed meds that night, and within 3 days I was back to normal.

    But if a perfectly legal, and relatively low dose, antidepressant can do that to a person, just imagine what varying doses of illegal substances that may or may not have been laced with who knows what can do to someone. If the perpetrator won’t get, and stay, clean, then run like hell.

  56. As someone who's been abused until the age of 18, [ Yes I am male] I can tell you that it nearly ruined me. I still struggle with self esteem, depression and ptsd and find it hard to try anything new. I've always been told I was worthless, deserved to be punished for whatever my tormentor saw fit and would never amount to anything. I am 23 now, and I am getting better, but every time I have to deal with someone getting angry or raising their voice I freeze. Thank you Simon for bringing this subject to the public's eye once again.

  57. I believe the abuse against men is way understated, Domestic abuse is a complicated issue. Past experiences, substance abuse, but can also be caused or triggered by verbal abuse. Many women are well practiced in the art of verbal abuse. I have a nephew in prison because of this, she trapped him where he had no option but being late for work and taking the abuse or forcing his way past her. she did this many times finally she trapped him in a way he had to physically move her out of the way so he could go to work and not lose his job, upon doing so she ended up on a well padded surface unharmed, she called the police and he is in prison. My point is not all those who appear to be abuse victims are the true victim.

  58. Wow! Too many TopTenz videos are poorly researched, but this one hits right on the points I have found in my own research and… well, I don't want to talk about it and you don't want to know – trust me on that.
    I will expand that the abused person, especially if children are involved, does not see a brighter future in dragging the whole thing out into the light. Bad as it is, it could be worse. Until we find a better way of creating a path forward rather than saying "this law has been violated, and this one, and this person is going away for a few years while the family tries to make its way and then they are coming back" the horrors will continue.

  59. I think people who are accused of being abusive should be sent to mental therapy. I think the same thing about people who are convicted of using an illegal substance.

  60. Bravo Simon for tackling this difficult subject!!! I myself was married to an abusive spouse. I knew he had anger issues towards women due to the way his mother left his father (who was also abusive). She eventually left her spouse and left all 4 of her children behind, my husband being the oldest of the 4, 15 at the time). She also refused to have any contact with her own children. I fell into the false belief that if I just loved him enough he would see that not all women were bad and thus I could change him. I am also physically disabled and I think he thus saw me as an "easy target". It started out as only emotional abuse, (ie, I was a screw up and could do nothing right etc. He also used our 2 children as pawns against me saying no court would give custody to a physically disabled woman. Eventually the abuse turned physically at which point I sought counseling. disabled woman. By that point the damage to my self esteem was so great he convinced me the children would be better off without me. Thankfully he was never abusive to them. Eventually I tried to commit suicide and was hospitalized. That's when everything changed. I was out of his grasp. Our children were in the care of my mother. I got a restraining order against him. Eventually I got full custody of both children (5 and 2 at the time).Now we are friendly. Our children are 28 and 25 and have lives of their own with seemingly no psychological damage. If you are in an abusive relationship please get out as soon as you can. We need to continue to make positive strides in this area to help victims of domestic abuse of any kind!

  61. At this point in time this video has 101 down votes… so there's 101 people that saw this video that enjoy themselves some domestic abuse?

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